


Eyes On Me

by Kittleskittle, mythicait, toxcatl



Series: Camboy Nil Cinematic Universe [1]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blow Jobs, Camboy Nil, Confessions, Couch Sex, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Exhibitionism, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Multi, OT3, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Polyamory, Smut, cam model, dom!Nil, non-sexual abuse, polyam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:47:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 78,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23743279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittleskittle/pseuds/Kittleskittle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicait/pseuds/mythicait, https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxcatl/pseuds/toxcatl
Summary: Avad and Aloy have been together for a couple years when someone new decides to shake up their lives - the camboy they’ve been watching together for the last few weeks. They fall fast for their new neighbor but will miscommunication put an end to their budding relationship before it even really begins?This is a modern au of Aloy, Avad, and Nil and their love story. We absolutely adore this OT3 and this fic will be full of fluff, smut, and angst galore. I will update tags with each chapter so please keep an eye on those and enjoy the show!
Relationships: Aloy/Avad (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Aloy/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Aloy/Nil/Avad, Avad/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn)
Series: Camboy Nil Cinematic Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710313
Comments: 165
Kudos: 85





	1. Hold Your Last Breath and Stare

**Author's Note:**

> Our chapter names are lyrics drawn from one of our favorite bands, Coheed and Cambria! This one is from their song God Send Conspirator. 
> 
> The art this week is courtesy of Kittleskittle and I ADORE it!!
> 
> This chapter does include some fun smut so you've been warned!

“Avad?” 

No answer, so Aloy dropped her bag by the door and dumped her jacket on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Moving further into their apartment, she heard a voice from their bedroom, but it wasn’t Avad’s. 

Aloy snorted quietly. He’d been binge watching documentaries lately. But if it was the one on metalworking and forges, then he’d be in trouble because they were supposed to watch that one together. The door was closed, but she threw it open as she spoke.

“Hey, Avad, if that is what I think it is-” Aloy stopped short as Avad flinched, throwing his hand over the screen of the computer. All she could see was a decent amount of skin between his splayed fingers. “It definitely is not. What are you watching?”

Red rushed to suffuse Avad’s cheeks and he gave her a very unsteady smile. “Nothing, my love, just- um-” 

Rolling her eyes, Aloy said, “We’ve talked about this, sweetheart. You know I have no issues with you watching porn.”

Avad opened his mouth to make some sort of excuse, she was sure, when he got interrupted by the video he had yet to mute. 

“Big shout out and thanks to sunking69 for the kitty ears! I hope you like ‘em.”

If possible, Avad got even redder. “Okay, _now_ I’m curious.” Striding across the room, Aloy tugged on the back of his chair until he slid away from the computer, revealing it’s screen. 

Clad only in a pair of very tight, lacy black briefs and a headband with kitten ears on them was a stunningly attractive man. He reclined back on his chair, looking for all the world like he was entirely comfortable with - Aloy peeked at the counter at the bottom of the screen - hundreds of people watching. 

“You really like the whole catboy thing, huh? Not that I blame you, I look fucking hot.” Spinning slightly, he fingered the ears before leaning forward. “I’m a cat person, too, so it makes sense.” 

The man kept talking as Aloy raised her eyebrows and looked down at her boyfriend. “Care to explain?”

Avad sighed and ran one of his hands through his curly brown hair. The color in his face had died down, but Aloy knew him well enough to know he was still embarrassed. He could barely meet her eyes.

“He’s a, um, he’s a camboy.”

Aloy blinked at him. “What’s a camboy?” 

“Ah, camboys - and camgirls, there are camgirls, too - make livestreams and basically, well, videotape themselves sexually for money.”

“So it’s porn.” 

Avad coughed. “No, it’s not porn. It’s porn-adjacent?”

“Porn-adjacent,” Aloy repeated, a grin now tugging at the corner of her mouth. 

Burying his face into his hands, Avad groaned. Aloy finally lost her battle and started laughing, hand clutching at her boyfriend’s shoulder as she doubled over. When she got a hold of herself, she looked up to find him glaring at her balefully from behind one hand, his deep brown eyes wounded. And that set her off again.

Finally, Avad began poking her in the side and when that didn’t work, he looped his arms around her waist and dragged her into his lap. Aloy’s giggles subsided after a minute and she ran a hand through Avad’s curls, tracing the golden streaks threaded through the brown. 

“So if it isn’t porn, what does he do?” Aloy pushed with her feet until they both faced the computer, and she watched as the man stretched and posed while still talking about what seemed like random topics. 

Gesturing at the screen, Avad said, “Basically just this? He talks about things like sex and sexuality, trends, video games, essentially anything he wants to. He’ll do requests if you tip.” 

Curiosity burned in Aloy. She had never been interested in looking at any of this kind of thing online but now she just wanted to know more. “What kind of requests?” 

Silence for a beat and Aloy looked down to find the blush returning to his face. “Well, um, stripping and doing certain poses and other things that people will tip him for.”

“Like wearing cat ears?”

He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Maybe.” 

“Sunking69, huh?” 

“I know, I’m predictable,” he sighed. 

Aloy laughed. “It’s cute.” Falling quiet, they watched him for a while. There was a chat set up on the side of the screen, and she watched as people tipped him and requested that he do everything from smile to shove certain things in certain places. Aloy watched as he sarcastically referred half of them to his guidelines and complied with the others. 

She could very obviously see why Avad was watching him. First off, he was gorgeous. Tall and pale, muscular enough that Aloy knew he had to work out to get that definition. Black hair, now unbound and swinging down to his shoulders, was shaved close on the sides and left long in a mohawk. His face was angular, with a black goatee and stunning clear grey eyes. Piercings dotted his body, his ears and eyebrow, a ring on his nose and piercing his nipples as well. A sly smile played around his lips as he spoke and his words flowed like poetry. Crude poetry, but poetry all the same. 

All the while, he wore the cat ears that her boyfriend had sent him. And he was right, he did look hot with them. 

***

Over the next few weeks, Aloy would watch with Avad when he would log onto the videos. Camboy went by the name Shadow Edge - Aloy had almost died laughing at that but he did seem like the emo type - and streamed on one of the more popular camming sites for men, SpearShafts. She learned a lot about camming, actually. 

Avad had apparently been a viewer of his for a while, and the only thing that annoyed her was that he hadn’t included her earlier. Most of the time they just watched his normal stream but she finally encouraged Avad to start a private chat and they got their own session. He hadn’t done one before because he told her it had felt too close to cheating for comfort. 

It was about that time that Aloy realized Avad had more than a little bit of a crush on Shadow. She may have been more worried if she hadn’t been developing a crush of her own. 

She wouldn’t be silly enough to call it love or anything like what she and Avad had together - it was, after all, a façade that he put on for the camera. But it was more than attraction, that was true. And as she watched more, she began to doubt that everything was an act. The things he did and the way he posed, sure, but the way he spoke and the humor and the sly wit that he showed seemed genuinely _him._

That was even more apparent in the private chat. He was less practiced, more flirty. Aloy almost told Avad to set up their own camera so they could actually chat but she had to remind herself that this was a business, not a social call, for Shadow. Mostly they just asked him to talk. About anything and everything. Avad chatted back and she could see the familiarity between them from when he would chat with him in the main livestreams. 

The fact that he was clad only in extremely tight boxer briefs was a major plus. One Aloy was far too tempted by. They had seen him do sexual things in his livestreams, at the behest of others and as a part of his routine, but this felt more personal. 

Out of ease of seeing the screen and typing out responses, Aloy was in Avad’s lap again as they watched. Which is why she could feel him shift when Shadow slipped his hand along the edge of his briefs. 

“So did you just want me to talk the whole time or was there something else you wanted to see?” his deep, melodic voice dropped even lower and the heat he put into made Aloy squirm as well. 

She shared a quick glance with her boyfriend and he nodded. “What are we supposed to say? Yes? Tell him what to do?”

Avad shifted forward, pressing himself further up against her to reach the keyboard. His erection was hot against her and Aloy bit her lip to keep from moaning at the tension from both that and the man on the screen with his hand currently inside his own underwear. 

**Sunking69:** _Please take off your briefs? We’d like to see the way you like to touch yourself._

Shadow leaned forward to read his screen and he smirked. Standing, he hooked his thumbs and tugged the fabric down as he spoke. “Y’know, I was kinda surprised when you requested the private chat.” He stripped slowly, even with just the one piece of clothing he had on. Just the faint trail of hair down his stomach, then the base of his cock… “It makes sense, now that I know you have a partner you brought into this.”

Completely naked, he was even more gorgeous. Without a hint of shyness, Shadow sat back down in his chair, reclining back with one of his big hands wrapped around the base of his cock. Aloy’s legs spread unconsciously and she felt Avad’s hands on her hips, fingers digging into the skin below her crop top. 

“Do you two do this often? Watch porn and cam models together?” His hand began slowly stroking up and down the length of his cock, the other reaching up to run through his hair and free it from the bun it had been in. “I hope you’re touching each other, because - _fuck_ \- I shouldn’t be the only one feeling good right now.” 

A whimper escaped from Aloy as she settled back against Avad, her ass pressed flush against his hardness. Avad moaned and he rocked her against him again, moving in time with Shadow’s hand. All the while, Shadow kept talking. 

“I hope you know that you’re one of my favorites. Always so polite. Are you that polite in bed? If you are, I might have to just throw you down and fuck you until your manners are gone.” Avad gasped in Aloy’s ear and she huffed a laugh. Somehow this camboy knew exactly what Avad liked. 

Grinding back against him, Aloy whispered, “You would like that, wouldn’t you. Him inside of you, with your tongue on my pussy?” 

“Yes. God, yes,” he gasped. Before Aloy got the chance to torment him further, Avad slipped a hand into the waistband of her shorts, his fingers searching until he found her wet slit. She cried out, turning to bury her face in the crook of his neck. 

More gasps sounded and she peeked to see Shadow’s movements getting fast and sloppy. Both her and Avad’s eyes were glued to the screen, their bodies and hands moving and getting more and more frantic as Shadow worked himself. Tears pressed at the back of Aloy’s eyes as she tilted on the edge of orgasm, finally falling apart as Shadow cried out. Avad rocked against her a couple more times and then he was gone too. Aloy had the fleeting thought that they should leave their clothes off the next time they did this. 

As if hearing her thoughts, Shadow laughed and grabbed a nearby cloth to clean himself off. Despite his release, his voice was husky and seductive still when he said, “Next time you’ll have to tell me your names.” A sly smirk and Aloy’s heart skipped. “That way I’ll know whose to call out when I come for you.” 

A sleepy Shadow logged off, and Avad leaned back with Aloy still cradled in his lap. 

“That was…” 

“Amazing,” she finished, a euphoric grin of her own plastered on. She buried her face back in Avad’s neck and he looped an arm under her legs to heft her up when he stood. Taking her to the bathroom, they cleaned themselves up.

Aloy always went with the direct route. She didn’t have the patience for tiptoeing around subjects and she definitely didn’t do that with Avad. So she tilted her head, peering at him from her seat on top of the bathroom counter. 

“So I think I have a crush on our favorite goth camboy.” 

Avad let out a bark of a laugh. “Thank god, I think I do, too.” 

Joining him, the two laughed for an easy moment. They’d been together for a couple years now; seen each other in good times and bad, dealt with family issues, and discussed most of the facets of their relationship. Both had been open to having other relationships and the idea of polyamory, but neither of them had met anyone they had wanted to pursue that with.

“Ironic that we should both have a crush on a man whose name we don’t know and whom we will probably never meet, hmm?” Humor shone in those beautiful brown eyes of his and Aloy dragged him towards her by his shirt. 

“That’s us. The fates align and they’re on the other side of the planet.” Aloy kissed him, soft and sweet, before she murmured against his lips, “And we can keep watching the cute guy even if we never meet him.”

Slipping a hand to the back of her neck, Avad deepened the kiss for a long moment before he pulled back. “I think I can live with that.” 

“You know your accent comes out more when you’re being all proper and shit, don’t you?”

“You love it.”

“Maybe.”

***

They didn’t get the chance to schedule another private chat with Shadow before he announced he’d be taking a break from camming for a while. 

Aloy and Avad almost had a collective heart attack at the statement before he said that it was only temporary, while he was moving. It was one of the only hints of his personal life they had ever gotten, aside from some of his interests and opinions. He’d be off for about two weeks, while he moved and got set up at his new place. 

In the meantime, Avad and Aloy pouted. Overall, they didn’t spend much time watching Shadow but it felt like a yawning absence in their lives when he was, well, gone.


	2. Your Face and the Door Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On his way home from a long day at work, Avad runs into a fascinating new neighbor.
> 
> Chapter title this week is from The Crowing by Coheed and Cambria!

Three separate assignments, all due today, and two of them were essays. 

If he didn’t actually love his job as a TA, Avad might have been tempted to quit right now. Let Professor Marad fend for himself on all these somewhat mediocre essays. But, unfortunately, he did love his job. And the responsibility and pride he got from helping teach others. 

So instead of quitting, he was dragging home a truly awful stack of homework, held awkwardly in one arm as he manhandled the sticky front door to their apartment complex open. When he made it successfully inside, he stood for a moment, staring between his papers and the mailboxes lined up along the wall. 

Sighing, Avad shifted to free one hand again and dug in his coat pocket for his keys. He got the key in and the mail out, but when he tried to stack it on top of his pile, the whole thing fell apart. Avad scrambled to try to keep some of them steady but most of the papers fluttered to the floor and he fell to a crouch to pick them up. 

A pair of elegant hands joined his and he glanced up to flash a distracted smile at the kind stranger. 

And promptly felt the smile slip from his face.

Gorgeous grey eyes, framed by piercings and black hair and black leather and- it was him. Avad knew his mouth was hanging wide open as he stared, but he couldn’t help it. Could barely move. 

A familiar grin quirked at the edge of Shadow’s lips and Avad’s heart stuttered to a stop. He couldn’t move with those electric eyes on him and it was almost a relief when they dropped to the papers both of their hands were on.

Avad blinked rapidly, processing as fast as his muddled mind could. But it wasn’t until those hands brushed his own, still hovering over the mess, that he jerked into movement. Swallowing down the panic that threatened to suffocate him, Avad swiped blindly at the papers and stood with half the original stack in his arms.

Now he stood face-to-face with what had to be a hallucination. Or a vision. If visions could hold lackluster history essays. 

Shadow stood expectantly, head tilted and a wider smile forming as he waited. 

When Avad still couldn’t form words, he spoke first. 

“Here. If you keep staring much longer, I may actually turn into a ghost.” He held the papers out in front of him and Avad numbly held out his own stack for him to drop them on top of. The deep tone of his voice was what finally shocked Avad out of his trance.

Swallowing, he said, “Thanks, I- they, uh, they fell when I was…” Avad motioned helplessly at the mailbox that was still open with his key hanging from it. 

With a sideways glance that did awful things to Avad’s pulse, Shadow turned to close the little door and pulled the keys out. When he turned back, he took a step closer, into Avad’s side and near enough that Avad could smell sun-warmed leather and metal. 

“May I?” he asked, holding up the keys.

Avad had no idea what he meant but he nodded numbly. Reaching towards him, he tucked the keys into Avad’s coat pocket. 

“I’m Nil, by the way. I’m fresh meat, just moved into apartment thirteen.”

 _Nil._ His name was Nil. 

With a low laugh, he turned to leave, headed down the hall. “Let me know when you regain your voice, pretty boy!”

“W-wait!” Avad stumbled slightly after him, only remembering how to walk when he was halfway to him. The taller man half turned and waited for him. By the time he reached him, Avad could feel the heat coming off his cheeks. “Avad. My name is- it’s Avad.” 

This time, he got a genuine smile, sweet just in the very corners of Nil’s eyes. “It’s nice to meet you, Avad. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

The way his tongue curled around his name almost brought Avad back to his knees. Thankfully, his body obeyed his order to stay where it was and he managed a nod. “Y-yeah. I hope so,” he breathed. 

Nil winked at him and turned to make his way over to his door, disappearing from the hallway to leave Avad standing there shaken and frozen for what felt like the fifth time in as many minutes. Only one thought kept repeating over and over in his head.

Shadow now lived thirty feet from his front door. 

Aloy was never going to believe him. 

***

He wasn’t sure how long he stood stuck in that hallway, but finally Avad turned and walked slowly to his apartment. His stack of papers had already caused him enough - trouble? excitement? unending joy? - enough whatever and he didn’t want to risk his luck, so instead he leaned into the door and thudded his forehead against it. 

And then he hit the door again. Just because it felt good. And his dumb brain needed it after that perfect example of suave flirting. 

On the fourth thump, the door opened and his flame haired goddess stood in the open doorway. Eyebrow quirked and one hand on her hip, Aloy stared at him inquisitively. When he didn’t say anything or move at all, just looked at her, shell-shocked, she asked, “Is there a reason you’re knocking on your own door?”

No answer and Aloy sighed, reaching out to tug him into the apartment. He felt her take the papers, look at them, and set them on the kitchen table. Guiding him to sit down on the couch, she took his hands and sat beside him. Anxious green-gold eyes caught his and her hands tightened their grip. 

“Avad? You’re worrying me, what happened? Was it Jiran?” 

Avad huffed out a laugh. She flashed him a half-smile but the concern didn’t leave her face. 

Everything finally caught up to Avad and all the tension left his body. Pulling back, he covered his face with his hands and groaned, resting his elbows on his knees and fully giving in to the need to wallow in self-pity. 

Aloy tucked a stray curl behind his ear, then tangled her fingers in his hair. “Baby? Please talk to me. What happened?”

Her touch centering him, Avad sat back up with a sigh, rubbing his hand over his mouth. He stared at her suspiciously. “It wasn’t my father. But I’m not sure I want to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll make fun of me.” 

He watched the tension drain out of her and a relieved smile take its place. Aloy tugged on his hair playfully. “I’m not going to make fun of you, but now I _really_ wanna know.” 

“Shadow moved in down the hall.”

Aloy blinked. “What.”

“Shadow Edge. The cam boy we watch. He moved into apartment thirteen. In our building.” 

Pressing her lips together, Aloy struggled for a second before she burst out laughing. Huge, joyful laughs. Despite himself, Avad felt a true smile forming. Tears gathered in her bright eyes as she looked back up at him. “You- you made a complete ass out of yourself, didn’t you?”

“You promised me that you wouldn’t laugh!”

“I didn’t promise. Did you hear me say ‘I promise’? Now tell me what happened!”

And he did. Every excruciating detail. And Aloy laughed at him again. 

When she was done laughing, she said, “Nil. His name is Nil.” She said it as if she were rolling it on her tongue, tasting it. Avad nodded. “Hm. Interesting name but I like it.” With that, she sprang off the couch and dragged him with her. “Come on.” 

“Come on what?” She had that look in her eye and he was very suspicious of her motives. 

“The man we have a very secret crush on just moved into our apartment complex. You’ve embarrassed yourself in front of him and I need to meet him.” 

“So...what are we doing?”

“Baking cookies, of course. Get to it, pretty boy!” 

*** 

An hour or so later, Avad was armed with a tray of freshly baked cookies and he had backup this time. 

Aloy practically vibrated with a mix of excitement and nerves next to him. She had been exuberant as they started making cookies - though he’d pushed her out of the way so the end product wouldn’t be too burned to eat - but as the clock ticked on, she’d gotten more nervous. Avad was tempted to tease her as she had teased him, but he didn’t have the heart to do it. 

So instead he made her sit down and watched her out of the corner of his eye as she braided and unbraided her hair, her fingers flying over the red strands. She had him tell her again every detail of what had happened and he felt the heat rise to his face again at his own useless attempt to talk to Nil. An incident he hoped wouldn’t repeat itself. 

Tucking her hand into the crook of his arm, Aloy tugged him along beside her. “Apartment thirteen? Appropriate for a man who gave himself the moniker ‘Shadow Edge.’” 

Wide eyed, Avad shushed her and threw a wary glance at the door they were aimed for. The walls here weren’t that thick. 

They reached said door in about three more strides and they both stood, side-by-side, staring at it. After several long beats, Avad looked to Aloy and she looked to him. Taking a deep breath, she reached out and knocked. 

“Gimme a minute!” came the muffled response and Avad watched as Aloy’s eyes fluttered closed. Even stifled by a door, his voice sounded much like it did through a screen - dark and rhythmic and Avad felt the same pull. 

When they heard the lock move, Aloy’s hand tightened on his arm and Avad drew in his own bracing lungful of air. The door swung open and there he stood. 

Nil’s expression melted to a smile when he saw who it was and Avad colored as Nil leaned against the door jam, his arms crossed over his chest. A very naked, muscular chest. Avad couldn’t help it as his gaze slid south, over lightly sweaty skin and pierced nipples and defined abs to the same skinny jeans as he’d worn earlier. Every inch of his tall form was so perfectly formed and Avad swallowed roughly, jerking his eyes back up to safer territory. “Finally get your voice back, Ariel?”

Avad heard a muffled laugh from beside him and he glared at Aloy before saying, “Yes, I am exceedingly sorry about earlier. I was just...tired. Long day.” He could tell Nil didn’t believe him, but he stayed quiet and Avad praised the sun for that. 

Aloy squeezed his arm before butting in. Holding out her other hand, she said, “Hi, I’m Aloy. Please forgive my boyfriend for his manners, he’s useless around hot guys.” 

Nil laughed and reached out to shake her hand. “I’ll take that as a compliment, Aloy. My name is Nil.” Twisting her hand, Nil brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of it, his eyes not leaving hers. Avad glanced between them and instead of jealousy, something warm and soft began blooming in his chest. When Nil let go of her hand he offered it to Avad. “Nice to meet you, Avad. Officially.” 

“You, too.” If Avad expected just a regular handshake, he was mistaken. Nil brought his hand up for a kiss as well and the blood that had barely begun to leave his face rushed right back. It was only when Nil let go that he could speak again. “We, ah, we brought you cookies. As a ‘welcome to the complex’ gift.” Avad offered the plate.

Taking it from him, Nil peeked beneath the foil covering it and grinned, a different grin than they had seen before, boyish and cheerful. “I do have a sweet tooth. And no other food yet, so this is wonderful, thank you both.” 

Avad’s brow furrowed but Aloy spoke before he could. “You don’t have any food?”

Nil shrugged, seemingly not concerned in the least. “Some snacks and things that I moved in with, but I won’t be able to go to the store until later this week.”

“Why not?” Avad asked.

“I ride a motorcycle. It’s a bit hard to cart around groceries when I don’t have a cartoon villain sidecar.” 

Avad was glad to see the sense of humor Shadow had was truly a part of him - a part of Nil. More than a small part of Avad felt creepy right now, knowing that he had watched this man in extremely private ways. But another part was too focused on his smile and the way he slipped a cookie off the plate to stuff in his mouth and the way he flirted teasingly with his girlfriend at the same time to care very much. 

Before he could stop himself, the words rushed out. “Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow night?”

Nil raised his pierced brow.

“Y-you don’t have any food! We’d feel bad if you were over here starving when you could just as easily come over for a meal. Wouldn’t be right on our part. As your neighbors.”

A slow smile and Nil nodded. “Alright, I wouldn’t mind having actual human food.” 

Aloy grinned at the two of them. “We’re over in unit eighteen. Just come over around seven?”

“I’ll be there.” 

“You better be,” Aloy said with a cocky smile. 

As Nil closed the door, Aloy and Avad walked hand in hand back to their apartment, silent and so much calmer than before. 

Safely inside their home, Aloy said, “He’s sweeter than I thought he might be. Still a massive flirt of course, but funny and kinda sweet.” A sly glance at Avad out of the corner of her eye and, “He called you Ariel and you blushed right up to your ears.” 

“God, don’t remind me. Hopefully I’m not red the entire time tomorrow.”

Aloy looped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his shirt. “We met him, Avad. We just met Shadow.”

Curling his arms around her shoulders, he hummed. “It does seem a bit like fate.”

“You know I don’t believe in that.” 

“Even if fate brought us an exceedingly attractive man?”

Aloy pinched his side and Avad yelped. “Maybe.” 

They broke apart and Aloy went to the kitchen to snatch one of the leftover cookies. “So. What do we make him for dinner?”

Avad thought for a minute before inspiration struck. They might not know Nil yet, but they did know Shadow. And he hoped the two were closer than not. “You remember that request he got once, for what kind of date he’d want someone to take him on?”

Recognition flashed and Aloy beamed. “It’s a good thing I’m fantastic at making steak.” 

***

Tomorrow afternoon saw Aloy and Avad at the store, trying to find the best steak they could. They bickered about it until Avad found the most expensive steaks and threw them into the cart with a defiant look. Aloy slitted her eyes at him and almost growled but she moved out of the aisle to pick up some Guinness - also a favorite they knew via Shadow. 

Avad figured this might be cheating, but he wouldn’t feel bad about it if Nil liked it. So, they got steak and veggies and beer and got themselves back home to get ready. They danced around each other as they got ready, sharing the bathroom mirror in a well-practiced way that they usually did on their date nights.

The symbolism did not escape them. 

Aloy even put makeup on, just a little. And that was how Avad knew she was nervous. Aloy didn’t show it much, but she had her tells and she didn’t put on makeup unless she was gearing up for something important. 

When she shoved away from the counter, Avad caught her hand and tugged her back against him. Curling his arm around her waist, he pressed her back against his front, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her ear. With a sigh, Aloy relaxed back into him.

“Relax, love. It’s not a date, it’s just dinner with our neighbor.” 

“Hm. Says the man who had a panic attack when he first saw him.”

“Not my fault, he took me by surprise.” Avad buried his face against her neck. “Either way, it’ll be fine, Aloy. We’ll be fine.”

Her head tilted to rest on his shoulder and she sighed again. “I don’t… We’ve watched him as Shadow, but I know that’s not who he is as a person. I don’t want to confuse the two or like Nil for someone he’s not or make him think we only like him because he’s Shadow. Do you know what I mean?”

“Yes.” Avad let that settle, let both of them feel that painful uncertainty. “The only thing we can do is try and separate them as best as we can. To be honest, even if I hadn’t ever seen him before yesterday, I’d still be interested.”

Aloy laughed, as he’d intended her to. “Same here. It was easier when he was some cam model we would never meet in real life, huh?” 

“But far less interesting.” Another laugh and Aloy spun out of his arms. 

Backing out of the bathroom, Aloy commanded, “Better get finished up! I’m going to start the steaks.” 

Avad heard the patio door open and he focused again on his hair. He’d already styled it so there really wasn’t much left to do, but he took a moment to steady himself as well. He had all the same worries as Aloy, far too many after having just met the man a day ago. So, he looked at himself in the mirror and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Repeated the cycle several times, until his pulse was steady and he pulled himself up straight, radiating the calm confidence that he had cultivated for years. 

This was just a casual dinner. 

***

Nil had shown up right on time, and Avad had given him a quick tour of their apartment before leading him onto the patio. Aloy had been out there for a while, grilling the food and already sipping on the whiskey she had poured for herself. She greeted Avad with a kiss and Nil with a smile and the two sat at the table they kept out there for just such occasions. 

Looking around, Nil whistled. “I think I picked the wrong side of the building.”

“The even numbered apartments do get the better end of the deal. Part of the reason why we picked this one,” Avad said, uncorking the bottle of cabernet sauvignon they had already left on the table. “Want something to drink? We have wine, whiskey” - Aloy saluted them with her glass - “and Guinness.” 

Nil smirked. “That’s quite the range. Guinness is my favorite, though, so I’ll happily go with that one.” 

Satisfaction made Avad smile and he grabbed a beer and handed it over. When he had his wine glass ready, he took his seat and they watched as Aloy expertly flipped the steaks and checked on the foil-wrapped veggies. 

“I do feel a tad spoiled; Guinness and steak. When you invited me over for dinner, I didn’t think I’d be getting the royal treatment.” Nil’s voice was teasing, though his smile was genuine. 

Shifting in his seat, Avad said, “We had the steak in the freezer, this gave us an excuse to thaw them out.” He heard Aloy snort, too soft for Nil to hear. 

“So, you’re from England then? When did you move over here?”

Settling into the familiar topic, Avad let himself relax just a little more. “Yes, from London. I came over here for university and never quite left. Never quite stopped going to university either.”

“He’s a grad student with a double major in art and history. I think he’ll be taking classes forever,” Aloy said, plopping down next to them. 

Nil cocked his head. “What kind of art do you study?”

“Well, I’ve always been more of a fan of the Renaissance period…” 

The three of them talked at length of art and the difference between producing and consuming it, how it was intended and appreciated. Nil wove his way through the debate seamlessly, teasing and serious in turns. He knew more about art than most who weren’t pursuing a degree in it and the last of Avad’s nerves slipped away somewhere between Monet and Degas. 

By the time Aloy and Nil had finished arguing about the best medium, the steaks were ready. A new round of drinks and they ate as the sun started to dip behind the horizon. 

“Aloy, this is absolutely amazing. Who taught you to grill?” Nil was digging into his rare steak and the moan he let out at the first bite almost made Avad jump in his seat. 

“My dad. He always said I should know how to take care of myself and that included learning how to grill, both on an actual grill and over a fire.” Aloy’s tone was wry but the pride showed through regardless.

“Ah one of those. Did he teach you to hunt and drop you in the middle of the woods to find out if you could brave the harsh world alone as well?”

Aloy laughed. “I wouldn’t have been very surprised if he did, but no, he always made sure to be there when he was teaching me how to survive. But as for hunting, he did teach me. I always preferred a bow over a gun though.”

Steel grey eyes lit up and Avad could have sworn they sparkled. “You can shoot a bow?”

“I’m a certified archer, thank you very much. I’ve got my own bow and I practice down at the local range every week.” 

A feral grin stole across Nil’s face and Avad saw Aloy fumble with her glass for a second when he turned that look on her. “No wonder your wit has the power to cut. If you shoot anywhere close to how you debate, I’m sure you’re an ace shot.” Aloy blushed as red as her hair but before she could say anything, he continued. “I happen to be an archer myself. Would you mind showing me the local range here? My old one is too far away now, to my sorrow.” 

“I’d love to. Are you free sometime this week?” Excitement radiated from Aloy and Nil both as they made their plans to meet up. 

“Avad, are you an archer as well?”

Somewhat ruefully, Avad shook his head. “Aloy took me a few times and I’m fair but it’s not a passion of mine. I’m glad you’ll be able to keep her company.”

Nil smirked at him. “Don’t worry, we can go to one of the boring art museums that doesn’t have sculptures without her sometime.” Aloy cried out a protest but he made Avad laugh. 

After their last drink, Nil checked his watch. “Ah, I am sorry to leave when you’ve been such gracious hosts, but I should probably get back to my own apartment.”

Disappointment warred in Avad’s heart and a glance at Aloy showed her reluctance as well, but he stood when Nil did. “Let us walk you back, at least.”


	3. The One You Set Within Your Sights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nil moves into his new apartment only to find friendly neighbors who might be more than he ever bargained for. 
> 
> Chapter title is from Love Protocol by Coheed and Cambria. Art this week is toxcatl's and I ADORE it.

Running his hand through his hair, Nil surveyed the mess in front of him. 

He hated moving, he really did. Sometimes, he wished he could just sell everything and travel, anywhere and everywhere. It wasn’t as if he had friends or family to tie him to this city. 

But really, that wasn’t what tied him here, so Nil sighed and got back to work. By the time he moved the bed where he wanted it, he was sweating slightly and ready to give up for the day. Thankfully, his excuse for a break came in the form of a knock on his door. 

He called out while he sat down his last load of shit before heading to the door. He wasn’t sure who to expect, but it definitely wasn’t the cute, shy boy from earlier. 

Nil couldn’t help but tease him - the red had rushed to his face so fast when they had met by the mailbox that he had thought something was wrong. But then his dark brown eyes had focused on his lips and Nil flirted obnoxiously to see him blush even harder. The way the blood flooded his golden-brown skin was so enticing and adorable all at the same time, and combined with the crisp British accent, he was almost tempted to proposition him on the spot. But the way Avad had practically frozen like a deer in the sights of a hunter had left Nil with the feeling that he wouldn’t be seeing him again soon.

Never had Nil been more happy to be wrong. 

And pretty boy hadn’t come alone either. At his side was quite possibly the most gorgeous woman Nil had ever seen, all fiery hair, freckles, and bright hazel eyes. Paired with Avad’s smooth good looks, the two made the most stunning couple. And the way she squeezed his arm made it very obvious they _were_ a couple. 

Disappointment tugged in his gut, but he shrugged it off fast enough. As he watched, both of their eyes were drawn across his bare skin and he gave Avad a teasing smirk when their eyes finally made it back up to his own. “Finally get your voice back, Ariel?”

He saw the woman beside him muffle her laugh with her hand. Good, at least he could still flirt with them. Stumbling over his words as he had earlier, Avad gave some excuse but Nil didn’t believe it for a minute. He knew he was attractive - he got paid for being attractive - but he didn’t often get to see someone get quite so flustered and he was enjoying it. 

“Hi, I’m Aloy. Please forgive my boyfriend for his manners, he’s useless around hot guys.”

Surprised by her candor, Nil laughed before reaching out to clasp her hand, finding it as warm as the smile that lit her face. “I’ll take that as a compliment, Aloy. My name is Nil.” 

On impulse, Nil lifted her hand to his lips, feathering a kiss over them and keeping his eyes on hers. They were a curious mixture of emerald and gold and he wondered what they would look like should someone try to capture them with paints. Pink tinged her own cheeks but it looked like she would be harder prey than her boyfriend. 

Remembering that said boyfriend was indeed standing next to them, he dropped her hand and turned to him. When no hint of anger or jealousy could be found on Avad’s kind face, Nil repeated the gesture. Just to see his blush again. 

By the time Avad handed him a plate of cookies, Nil’s day had turned absurdly good and he still felt the ghost of their skin on his lips. 

They chatted for a few moments before Nil couldn’t resist the smell of freshly baked chocolate any longer and he took a bite of one of the cookies. He bit back a moan at the delicious taste of brown sugar and chocolate and focused on trying to figure out which of them was the baker. From the smudge of flour on Avad’s neck, he pegged him for the one with the talent. So instead, he teased Aloy about how lucky she was to have a baker for a boyfriend. She gave as good as she got and Nil’s eyes caught on the way she stood, alert and on the tip of her toes, as if she could sprint into action at any moment. 

He was about to ask her if she was a cheetah in human form when Avad blurted out, “Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow night?”

Taken off guard by the invite and that it had been given by a man very obviously in a committed relationship, Nil just raised his eyebrow. 

“Y-you don’t have any food! We’d feel bad if you were over here starving when you could just as easily come over for a meal. Wouldn’t be right on our part. As your neighbors.”

Nil bit his lip to keep from laughing again as Avad stumbled over his words. With a glance to Aloy, he saw her nodding along, agreeing with the invite. With nary a hint of hesitance, Nil saw no reason to decline. And he ignored the little seed of warmth that grew as he closed the door. 

Shaking his head, Nil scolded himself on getting too attached to hot strangers who were just trying to be friendly. 

***

Spending most of the next day puttering around his new apartment, Nil got some of his stuff where it needed to be but he refused to even look at his camming equipment. He was nervous and nerves did not mix well with setting up his camera and ring light and anything that could be easily broken. 

Not that he was admitting he was nervous. It would be stupid to be nervous about a dinner with his new neighbors, who just wanted to make sure he didn’t starve. New experiences, like attractive neighbors asking him over for dinner, were something Nil was always cautious of. He’d never been the best at making friends or keeping them, so it made sense that he was wary of going to have dinner with people who knew where he lived. 

Ducking into his bathroom a few minutes before seven that evening, Nil pulled his hair back into a bun and applied his usual eyeliner. When he was done, he looked at himself in the mirror for a moment. 

Flat grey eyes stared back and he didn’t last long against them before he turned and strode from the room. 

Pushing down his nerves until they were a tiny, tight ball in the pit of his stomach, Nil locked up his apartment and made his way down the hall to unit eighteen. He checked his watch several times before finally knocking. 

Avad opened the door, dressed in slacks and a sweater, much as he had been yesterday. This time, though, his hair was down, curling around his shoulders and making him look even younger than the twenty-five or so that Nil had guessed him to be. 

Opening the door wide, Avad gestured him in with a smile. “Come on in, I can give you the grand tour whilst Aloy is at the grill.” 

Nil followed him from room to room. Their apartment wasn’t much bigger than his, though they had put much more effort into making it a home than he was planning to. It was full of bright colors, yellows and blues and reds that blended together in a geometrical and bohemian mix that made him feel… warm. 

It also confirmed his suspicions that at least one of them had money - trust fund money, not just-a-decent-job money. His guess was Avad; not just because of the clothing that looked tailored but also the sneaking suspicion that Aloy had seen more to life. He’d only talked to her for five minutes, but like knew like. 

Little hints of expensive taste littered the apartment - including a king sized bed with a carved wooden headboard depicting all different types of blooming flowers. He saw Avad hesitate out of the corner of his eyes when his attention lingered there for a moment. He let his fingers trail over the footboard as they passed but he didn’t torture Avad too long - red was already tinting the tips of his ears. 

Their patio was just as decorated as the rest, though this time with fairy lights along the fence and a grill butting up against the building. Aloy turned when they came out, a bright smile on her lips as she kissed Avad and gifted Nil with that grin. Clad in high-waisted jean shorts and a loose blue crop top, Aloy was barefoot and armed with a pair of tongs. 

Despite the modest size of the patio, it looked out on the park behind their complex. Nil whistled as he leaned against the railing, taking in the greenery practically surrounding them now. “I think I picked the wrong side of the building.”

“The even numbered apartments do get the better end of the deal. Part of the reason why we picked this one,” Avad said, helping himself to the wine Nil saw sitting out on the table. He looked back up at him with a smile. “Want something to drink? We have wine, whiskey, and Guinness.” 

“That’s quite the range. Guinness is my favorite, though, so I’ll happily go with that one.” 

Most people didn’t keep Guinness on hand and it struck him more as something Aloy would drink, though still surprising. Popping the cap off, Avad handed him the bottle and settled in next to him. 

The air was cool, but not cold enough to bother them with the grill going a few feet away and autumn still not fully in swing. Nil took a deep breath in and let himself relax against the back of his chair.

Falling back on his comfortable sarcasm, Nil said, “I do feel a tad spoiled; Guinness and steak. When you invited me over for dinner, I didn’t think I’d be getting the royal treatment.” Despite the snark, his smile didn’t hold the same bite, try as he might to inject it back in. 

Avad was bashful when he answered and Nil gave in to his curiosity to ask where he was from. From there, conversation flowed smoothly. More easily than Nil had ever spoken with relative strangers. They were smart, and Avad studied the same kind of art that Nil had loved for years. Aloy fiercely challenged Nil on his opinion of sculptures being better with marble than metal and she ran inside to grab some of her own works. 

By the time the evening ended, Nil wasn’t sure he had ever had a better dinner. And he had an archery session set up with Aloy for Tuesday night so excitement thrummed through his veins. But after the sun had set on them, Nil checked the time and found it to be far later than he thought these dinners ought to go. So he made his excuses and stood to go, only to find himself escorted down the hall to his apartment. 

As they made their way down the hall, Nil could practically feel the loaded looks Aloy and Avad kept giving each other behind his back and he was tempted to call them out for whatever they were scheming. But he was patient and the hall was short so he waited. 

By the time they reached his door, they seemed to have made up their minds. Turning, he leaned back against his door with an unsteady smirk plastered on his face. He wasn’t used to any of this and he had no idea what they were going to say. Not knowing what was going to happen had him on edge and twitchy, with the instinct to fight or flee, and he had no idea which option was the appropriate one. 

“We wanted to ask-”

“Would you like to-”

Aloy and Avad spoke all over each other, both in a rush, and Nil barely heard more than two words. Both went red and they glared at each other again. Oddly enough, the awkwardness put Nil more at ease and he felt some of the tension leave his body. Covering his mouth with his hand, he hid most of the amused smile now trying to escape. “Should we appoint a spokesperson? Or would you like to battle it out to see who gets to talk?”

Both of them shot him exasperated looks and that succeeded in making him laugh entirely. 

Avad laid his hand on Aloy’s lower back and pushed her forward slightly. “You do it, you’re better at this than I am.” 

Clearing her throat, Aloy looked up at Nil, meeting his eyes just to have her entire face turn red. Her mouth hung open but no sound came out. 

No longer tense, now Nil was just entirely confused. So he just waited, staring at them both with constricted brows and a growing nervousness in the pit of his stomach. 

Finally, he saw a fire light in Aloy’s eyes and she straightened her shoulders. Unsure as he was, he had to admit that seeing her floundering was adorable. And the fierceness in her multi-hued eyes was exhilarating. When she opened her mouth this time, her voice was confident.

“Nil, we know we just met you yesterday, but I - _we_ \- were wondering if you would like to go out with us.” She snapped her lips shut when she finished, as if she was afraid her words would run away from her. 

Go out with them? To do… what? Nil wasn’t sure if it was her words that were confusing or if he was reading them wrong, but he didn’t get the chance to ask. 

Because Avad blurted out, “On a date. Would you like to go out on a date with us.”

“Oh Goddess, fuck,” Aloy muttered. “Yes, sorry, I meant on a date.”

Nil blinked at them owlishly and this time he was the one stuck with his mouth open, ready to catch flies. A date. With them. Did he want to go on a date with his otherworldly attractive neighbors who he had a wonderful night with. His mouth caught on faster than his brain did, though his heart was already racing forward anyway.

“Yes. I… yes.” Any of his usual lines deserted him just then but it was worth it to see the smiles that lit up both their faces. And now Nil was blushing too damnit. 

“So, do you think we could get your number then?” Aloy asked cheekily. 

Nil lifted an eyebrow at her. “Aren’t you supposed to ask for my number before you ask me out?”

Huffing out a wry laugh, Avad said, “We’ve never exactly done things the usual way.”

“The usual is predictable and boring anyway,” Nil said before he rattled off his number and Aloy put it in her phone. Unsure of what to say now, Nil fiddled with the keys in his hands until Aloy leaned forward to tug on his sleeve. Leaning down slightly, he blinked when she raised up on her toes to kiss his cheek. 

“Goodnight, Nil.”

The two left to walk down the hall, Avad throwing a sweet smile over his shoulder. When they went back into their apartment, Nil turned and numbly inserted his key into his own and shut the door behind him. Leaning back on it, he slowly slid until he was sitting on the floor.

_What… just happened?_

***

The next few days were spent setting up the rest of his apartment. Shadow Edge was on vacation for the moment, so Nil took his time setting up his new camming area. He arranged and rearranged his somewhat scant possessions until he liked it and couldn’t help but mourn the lack of a patio.

Thinking of a patio made him think of his neighbors and then his hands stalled while he was setting up his ring light. Aloy had texted him the very next morning and they had set up their date for the following weekend. She had refused to tell him what they were doing and she insisted that she and Avad plan it. As for Avad, he had received a very polite text a few minutes later so that Nil would have his number “should he need or desire to contact him.” 

He hadn’t run into either of them since Saturday, but he hadn’t left his apartment much to be honest. He definitely wasn’t avoiding them. At least, that’s what he told himself. In truth, Nil wasn’t certain what he thought of the stunning couple that had asked him out on a date.

Aloy was fierce and Avad was kind and the both of them were hotter than most people Nil had ever seen, let alone been with. They moved in sync and Nil had felt instantly pulled into their orbit, like a moth to flame. Too far into their orbit, maybe. He’d seen some of the looks they had thrown him - he’d have been blind not to - but… for the first time in his life, Nil wasn’t certain if sex would be enough for him. 

Twenty-five years without ever feeling anything close to romantic feelings for someone and now he meets two people and not five minutes later, his absent heart decides that sex would not be enough. These feelings were so far from his past experience that Nil didn’t know what to do with the way his heart had a tendency to pound when he thought of them. 

No amount of berating halted this reaction either. The fact that he’d only just met them seemed to be of little consequence to the feelings he was developing. 

So it was possible he was avoiding them. At least until Tuesday, when Aloy would be taking him to the local archery range. That thought settled him a little and he went to double check his bow. 

The Voice of Our Teeth hung in a place of honor on his wall, one of the only decorations he had hung. Not that his bow was purely for decoration. It wasn’t one of the new compound bows, but closer to the older designs, grace limning it’s curves and feathers adorning it’s points. Geometric designs were etched into its length by his own hand. Nil’s fingers traced lightly over its surface. Holding this bow, shooting it, was one of the only places he truly found peace. 

When he was younger, when home was no home and there was no one to listen to his woes, Nil had found a bow in his basement. It had probably been his father’s, a hunter in his younger days, but that connection didn’t matter when Nil began teaching himself to use it. He spent hours outside, sneaking away to teach himself until he grew blisters and practicing until those blisters bled. It centered him, as nothing ever had, and the patience it taught him aided him through the following years of his life. 

With the move and with his odd hours as Shadow, he hadn’t been to his own range in weeks and this excursion was one he was desperately looking forward to. 

He had a feeling he would need to be centered before his upcoming date. 

***

A loud, rhythmic knock sounded a few minutes before they were set to meet and Nil smiled to himself as he grabbed his bow from its place of honor. 

Slinging it over his shoulder, he opened the door to a smiling Aloy, already bouncing up and down on her toes.

“Ready?” she asked. 

“Ready.” 

Nil followed her out of their building and onto the street. She had explained before that the range was close enough to walk to so they walked shoulder to shoulder along the path.

Aloy reached out to trail her fingers over the feathers of his bow. “It’s beautiful. Can I see it?”

Hesitating for only a moment, Nil slipped the bow off and held it out. When she went to grab it, he pulled it out of range. “Tsk. Fair trade, huntress. I want to look at yours.”

Grinning at his silliness, Aloy returned the favor and they looked at each other’s bows as they walked. Hers was elaborate, a compound bow with dampeners and cable guides and all the right modifications that would make it faster and deadlier than most bows. Even more interesting was the fact that most of the modifications looked like they were personalized, with a little symbol etched into the metal. The grip was worn in the spots her fingers would settle and the bow was well oiled and cared for. Nil’s estimation of Aloy, already high, rose higher and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

She was giving his bow the same treatment he had given hers. All of her concentration was on the weapon in her hands and he worried for a second if she would trip over the sidewalk. Her fingers glided firmly over the length of it, tracing the whorls he had carved into it and his mind immediately supplied the image of those hands on his body, treating him with the same confidence and joy as she did his bow. 

“Her name is the Voice of Our Teeth,” Nil blurted. Watching Aloy handle his bow was quickly becoming too much for keeping his tongue still. 

A red brow raised in his direction and, “You named your bow?”

Nil lifted an offended hand to his chest at her tone of voice. “You didn’t?”

Aloy laughed and held out the Voice of Our Teeth back to him and he did the same. Nodding to the bow, he said, “That’s beautiful. Who did all of the modifications?”

“I did,” she said smugly. “I’m an engineering major so this is one of my personal projects. I’ve been working on it for years.” She gazed lovingly at her bow and Nil watched her in awe. She had done all those modifications _herself._

“The symbol you chose is beautiful. What does it mean?”

Aloy’s expression sobered and he saw her thumb brush over one of those symbols. “My father’s people worship the goddess Gaia. It’s her symbol.” 

As mired in science and as grounded as she grew, Aloy hadn’t seemed like the spiritual type. A new facet to her personality that only deepened his curiosity. “Your words say more than you mean. Your father’s people, but not you.” 

Her brilliant eyes darted to his and he saw surprise lurking below the surface. “No. Not me.”

She grew quiet and Nil let them walk in silence, waiting for whenever she would be ready. To talk about it or not. 

Finally, when she had swung her bow over her shoulder once more, she said, “I never really believed the way my father does. Sometimes I think it would be nice; comforting, to know my place in the world and who guides me.” She flashed a falsely bright smile at Nil. “But I like finding my own way a bit too much.”

Nil reached out on instinct, to tuck one of her braids back behind her ear. His hand lingered there for a moment as he studied her and she watched him back. “Your path suits you, I think. Far too fierce to follow someone else’s.”

A soft smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. A mouth Nil desperately wanted to kiss right then. 

“We’re here,” Aloy said, her eyes not leaving Nil’s. 

Blinking away the spell she had put him under, Nil looked to find them standing in front of a well-worn archery range. It seemed as if it had been there for ages, which was a good sign in a city range. But he couldn’t resist teasing her.

“An indoor range? Aloy, you wound me.”

Her bright laugh returned and she bumped his arm with her shoulder as she made her way inside. “There’s an outdoor range I can show you as well, but it’s a little further out of town. I figured you’d want to get some shooting in before then.”

“Hm, you’d figure right.”

Nil followed the redhead into the range, past the initial shop in the front and confidently up to the counter near the back. A young man was there and he brightened immediately when he saw her.

“Aloy! Here to practice for a bit?” The boy had stars in his eyes and Nil couldn’t help but sympathize with him. Especially when Aloy gave him a fond grin as she signed in on the sheet in front of him.

“Hi, Varl, how are you?” 

Leaning forward on his elbows, Varl chattered about a million things and Nil picked up that they had been friends for years, possibly grown up together. She answered him with amusement but soon enough she gestured back to Nil, who stood a couple feet behind her. 

“We’d better get back to the range, but it was nice to talk to you, Varl.” 

The boy blinked over at Nil, as if just now noticing him. “Oh. Aloy never brings anyone in. I’m Varl.” 

Nil just nodded to him and Aloy rolled her eyes. “His name is Nil. He moved in down the hall from Avad and I and we’re showing him around a bit.”

Varl’s expression cleared and he dove into the rote speech for newcomers to the range. Nil already knew all the rules - they rarely changed from range to range - and soon enough they were let into the back hall. 

“The young puppy seems to have a crush on you,” Nil teased. 

Aloy’s cheeks pinkened. “Don’t remind me. He’s been nursing that crush for years and he knows nothing will ever come of it. I thought for a while he’d finally gotten over it when I started dating Avad.” Shaking her head, Aloy led him through the last door to the range. 

Nil’s footsteps faltered for a second as his stomach dropped through the floor. Pushing down the heartache her words caused, Nil resumed his steps. 

The range opened up in front of them and despite himself, Nil was impressed. Several rows with all the safeguards and accessories, with bows lines up all along the back wall. There were dozens to choose from, of all styles and sizes. Arrows lined another wall, just as varied and exceedingly colorful. 

Setting her bow down on one of the counters lining the room, Aloy turned to him with an excited smile. “Ready to shoot some stuff?” 

Nil smirked at her. “I was born ready, little huntress.” 

Striding over to the wall covered in arrows, Nil watched her as he followed. The sway of her hips and the confidence seeping from every pore was intoxicating and he settled into the newly familiar play of banter and flirting. 

“Do you think you’ll beat me, then?” Her voice was teasing now, with a hint of heat that made his blood warm. 

“Of course I will. I haven’t lost to anyone for a very long time,” he said, letting his voice drop down a little into a purr. 

“This is a competition then?” Her words were deceptively demure as she picked out the arrows she wanted and he did the same. 

“Would it be any fun if it wasn’t?” 

Her fierce grin made his heart stutter. “None at all.” 

Arrows collected, they grabbed a quiver each and strapped it to their waists. Digging in the pack she had brought, Aloy brought out her arm guard and her gloves. Holding out the former, she peered up at Nil with a mischievous smile. “Care to help me out?”

Crowding into her space, Nil took the guard from her and slipped it over her offered arm. Tightening the straps, he let his fingertips brush against her skin as much as possible and he savored the sound of her quiet gasp. He took his time too, taking twice as long to do it than normal. 

When he finished, he stepped back to grab his own. Aloy reached out to return the favor but Nil did it himself, never once breaking his eye contact with her as he secured the guard. Heat brought out the gold in her eyes, he noticed. Nil wondered if he could make them gleam pure amber. 

He broke their stare when he tugged on his gloves and he heard her huff before she did the same. Thankfully, they had the range to themselves, and Nil was grateful for that for several reasons, not the least of which was that he could watch Aloy grab her bow and stride up to the line without an ounce of self-consciousness. 

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she arched her back slightly and gave him a feral grin. “Gonna put your money where your mouth is?”

Stepping up beside her, Nil tilted his head and watched her with half-lidded eyes. “Why bet money when there are more fun things we could wager?”

Aloy’s breasts rose with a sharp breath and Nil’s gaze wandered down her body before making its way lazily back up. 

“What were you thinking?” she asked, her voice just shy of breathless. 

“If you win, you get a kiss.”

Aloy’s eyebrows rose. “And if _you_ win?”

Nil smirked. “I kiss Avad first.”

Challenge lit in her eyes even as he saw her breathing speed up. “Get ready to lose then.”

With no further ado, Aloy swung her bow up and shot. She barely looked at the target but her arrow flew right to it, as if guided by a nonexistent wind. The dulled arrowhead buried itself in the center of the three rings and Nil stared for a moment before he looked back at the radiantly smug woman beside him. 

Nil laughed, brighter than he had been in a long time and fueled by the blood rushing through his veins. Lifting the Voice of Our Teeth, he swiftly shot three in a row, aiming for different targets at the end of the lane. He considered them for a moment; not entirely in the center of each but pretty damned close for having shot them rapidfire. 

The two traded shots, getting more and more outrageous as they realized the true extent of each other’s skills. Nil had never had a partner to shoot with. Rivals, sure, but an actual partner, someone to vie against but also to give him pointers and encourage him? Never. 

He loved it.

And he could tell she did, too. That worker had said Aloy never brought anyone in with her and she seemed to be enjoying this as much as he was. For once in his life, Nil could read someone effortlessly and he knew she loved holding her bow and staring down a target as much as he did. There was a kinship there that he had never found with anyone else.

It was a bit of a surprise to him when shooting his bow didn’t hold his attention as it usually did. His attention kept wandering to the woman beside him. The way she braced her legs to shoot. The strength in her arms and the way her fingers curled around the grip. The sheer intensity of her bright eyes as she sighted down her target like it was prey. She held that bow like it was an extension of herself, a piece of her soul. 

Nil was going to lose this bet. And he couldn’t find it in him to mind one bit. 

“One more test, Aloy?” 

Sweat covered her forehead and she swiped at it as she turned back towards him. “What did you have in mind?” 

Jerking his head at the end of the range, Nil asked, “This place have moving targets?”

Grinning, Aloy went to hit a switch on the wall by the door. On cue, swinging targets of different shapes and sizes started moving all down the lanes. “I’ll take blue, you take red, and we’ll see who has the most in five minutes?”

Nil checked to make sure all of his arrows were fletched in red and he nodded. Tapping on her phone, Aloy pulled up a timer and set it to start as he counted down.

“Three… Two… One!”

Arrow after arrow flew through the room, one of his even knocking one of hers out of the air once. He flashed a superior look her way but that cost him a different target. His body fell into the routine; draw, pull, loose, draw, pull, loose- 

The alarm sounded, startling them both out of their trances. Both were breathing heavily as the alarm echoed in the room, until Aloy strode over to turn it off and tug off her arm guard. Their bows were placed on the counter side by side. 

“I’ll count yours if you count mine?”

Nil nodded, bowing to her slightly with an arm out swept. “Don’t cheat me of my kills though, beautiful huntress.” 

Aloy laughed but she was too busy counting to respond so Nil did the same. When they met back up at the back of the range, their bows now resting on the counter, Aloy was smirking. 

“So confident, Aloy. What was my tally?” Nil let his voice go husky, knowing exactly how many arrows he had shot and that she had likely counted her own as they competed. She had beat him by two - and now Nil wanted to beat her by more than that the next time they played. 

Stepping in close to him, Aloy tilted her chin up so she could look him in the eyes. She didn’t touch him, not yet, but he could see the hunger in her gaze. “Less than mine,” she whispered. “So can I collect my prize now?” 

Nil ran the fingers of his hands down her arms lightly, raising goosebumps as he made his way to her waist. Gripping the skin exposed by the shirt that had rucked up during their practice, Nil drew her closer until she was pressed against him. He leaned down but stopped when his lips were just an inch away from hers. 

Her eyes were fixed on his and her mouth was open and ready for his kiss but he didn’t move any closer. When several heartbeats had passed and he didn’t move, Aloy surged up. He had anticipated this though and he pulled out of her reach with a laugh. “I never told you _when_ you would get your kiss.” 

Outrage practically vibrated through Aloy and she threw her hands on her hips as she glared at him. “You’re an absolute tease, Nil, you know that, right?”

“Am I?” he asked, giving her a sly grin as he started to turn away from her.

“Yes, and it’s obnoxiously hot.” Throwing her hands up, Aloy stalked past him. “But if you aren’t going to-”

As she passed him, Nil reached out to grab her hand and spin her around. Wrapping his other arm around her waist, he dragged her close and kissed her hard. Aloy gasped against his lips but then she was giving as good as she got. Wrapping her hands in his shirt, she tugged him even closer and her tongue swept along his lower lip roughly. Moaning, Nil opened to let her tongue tangle with his. She tasted like fire and sweat and passion and nothing had ever tasted like she did. 

Stroking his hands down her hips, Nil moved until they were cupped behind her thighs. With a quick movement, he picked Aloy up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Aloy cried out against his mouth and curled her hands around his neck and into his hair. Nil kept kissing her fiercely, mindlessly, as he strode over to one of the counters to set her on the cool metal. She arched into him, rolling her hips against his aching hardness. Hissing, Nil pressed into her, letting her feel exactly how much he had enjoyed this competition. 

Drawing back just slightly, Nil began pressing kisses against her cheek and jaw, down her neck to suck at the skin above her collarbone. Aloy tugged at his hair as he licked the bruised spot and the gasps he pulled from her rang in his ears. 

A knock sounded on the door a few feet to his left and a stern voice said, “No fornicating in the range, please.”

Nil pressed another kiss to Aloy’s swollen, red lips before reluctantly pulling away. Her legs dropped and she stood on her own, though her knees shook slightly, Nil noted with a smirk. Not that his breathing came any easier than hers. His cock was painfully hard and he wanted nothing more than to fuck her on top of that counter. Instead, he made himself back off, measuring his breaths as he went to pack up his things. 

“Sorry, Sona, won’t happen again!” Aloy called out before stepping up beside him. 

Nil tossed her a mocking look. 

“Not today at least,” she muttered. She sent him a mischievous smile, not perturbed by their makeout being discovered in the least. The fact sent a thrill through his veins and he left the range by her side feeling light as air. 

An older woman who looked like she could be related to the boy up front stood outside the range with her arms crossed and a forbidding look on her face. Her eyebrows rose when she saw Aloy and even further when she saw Nil. Giving Aloy a look he couldn’t decipher, she shooed them down the hall and out. “I hope you two were done in there. If I catch you going at it again, I will toss you out and suspend your privileges, Aloy Sobeck.” 

The woman in question gave her a sheepish grin. “I’ll remember it. You’ll be at the get-together next month?”

Sona’s harsh expression softened slightly and she nodded. “I always am. Unlike some people.” She gave Aloy a wry smile and Nil saw the fondness lurking somewhere in there. 

“I’ll be there this time, I promise,” Aloy said. Her voice was softer, more sincere, and Nil watched her curiously. There was something important about this get-together. Something that meant a lot to Aloy, though whether good or bad, Nil couldn’t tell. 

They left the building with a cheerful, if somewhat embarrassed, wave from Varl. Walking mostly in silence, Nil and Aloy’s hands brushed against each other lightly. The tension from their kiss was still present - and getting stronger - the longer Nil stayed quiet. 

When their apartment complex was in sight, he said quietly, “Thank you, Aloy, for taking me to your range with you.”

“Your range now, too, remember?” She poked him in the side and got a small smile in return. “Besides, I think we both had a great time.” Aloy looked up at him through her lashes and the urge to kiss her rose anew. 

Instead, Nil opened the front door and followed her inside. He felt like he was stalking her, right on her heels as she made her way back to her apartment. They stopped outside and she leaned closer to him. “So we’ll see you on Saturday, then?” 

Nil’s mouth went dry at the reminder. “Yeah, you will. Maybe before then if I find a reason to leave my lair.”

Laughing, Aloy unlocked her door. Before she went in, she reached up to grab his collar and tugged him down for a kiss. This one was softer and sweeter than before, quick and somewhat chaste. And it burned him as he returned it for a second before she pulled back.

“Bye, Nil.”

The beads at the ends of her braids clicked as she turned and then she disappeared into her home. Bracing his hands on either side of her door, Nil sagged against it. He was thoroughly wrecked. The combination of seeing her skill with the bow, having her flash that smile at him, and feeling her body and lips against his had absolutely wrecked him. 

With a quiet groan, Nil pushed off and made his way down the hall to his own apartment. Once inside, he took the time to hang the Voice of Our Teeth carefully on its throne before moving to collapse on his bed. Sighing, he threw an arm over his face.

Despite himself, a vision of Aloy formed in his mind, breathless from his kiss and spread out on one of those counters just like he had wanted. Nil felt his cock harden again and he palmed it, pressing down to try and relieve the pressure building inside him. That only made it worse and his imagination didn’t help; in his mind, he pushed her legs wider, making room for himself as he kissed her hard and rough. 

Her hands wound through his hair and she pulled just like he liked it. Nil’s hands slipped beneath her shirt even as he tightened his grip on his cock. Shoving her shirt and bra up, he cupped her breasts, thumbs ghosting over her nipples until she arched against him and muttered his name against his lips. 

Impatient, Nil tugged at his zipper until he could push his pants down far enough to free his cock. He gripped the base of it as he imagined moving lower, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and sucking on it before biting down lightly. Just enough to make her jerk before he licked his way across to do the same to her other breast. 

His hand would be buried down the front of her shorts by then, finding her wet and eager. Nil bucked up into his own hand at the thought of her pliant and ready below him. His mouth followed the tapering path of her freckles down her stomach, only stopping to strip her shorts and underwear off and throw them aside. 

Dropping to his knees, he would worship and punish her with his tongue in turn, taking her to the edge until she screamed his name but never letting her go over. Finally, she would pull him up by his hair and he would kiss her with the taste of her pussy still fresh on his lips and tongue. Aloy would be undoing his pants, needy and desperate after she had his mouth on her. 

Nil bit down on his lower lip, stifling his moans as he sped up his movements, stroking his cock until he was raw. Canting forward, he would slide his cock along her slit, drowning himself in her wet heat and dragging his hand down to circle her clit until she was crying out again. The spitfire would wrap her legs around him and tighten until he finally slid into her tight cunt. From there he would be lost, thrusting into her hard and rough, Aloy meeting him stroke for stroke. 

He would push her down flat onto the counter, one hand between her breasts and the other clasping one of her own, their fingers twining. He’d watch as her eyes went gold, rolling back as she spasmed on his cock. The feeling of her coming around him would be what made him come undone as well, spilling himself inside of her instead of in his hand. 

Panting, Nil let his hand fall as he stared up at his ceiling. It had been a long time since he had gotten himself off like that. Normally, he just took care of himself during one of his cam shows but Aloy was, well, inspiring. Pushing himself up, he sighed at the mess he’d made and set about cleaning himself up. 

When he came back to his phone, he saw that he had a new text.

 **Avad (8:49pm):** _So I’m guessing the two of you had a fun time together?_

Heat rose to color Nil’s face. If Aloy had gone home feeling like he had, he wondered if she and Avad had… 

Nil groaned as he felt his blood flow south again. 

God, he was so fucked.


	4. One Step At A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the days leading up to their date, Aloy and Avad plenty of ways to see Nil - and the tension grows in many ways.
> 
> Chapter title is a lyric from Subtraction by Coheed and Cambria!

The door closed softly behind her and Aloy leaned back against it, letting out a slow, measured breath. Closing her eyes, she let her head drop back against the door. 

“Aloy? How did it go?” Avad’s voice was soft, tentative, because she could only imagine how she looked frozen against the front door. 

When she thought the fire in her veins had calmed down, she opened her eyes. 

And immediately it came roaring right back. 

Avad had a towel wrapped low around his waist and one in his hand as he rubbed at the glistening, curly hair dripping down onto his bare skin. Gloriously bare, golden-brown skin that was still covered in a sheen of water from his shower. Aloy let her gaze slowly rove over the expanse of her boyfriend’s body until she met his eyes again and saw the heat rising in his own in response to her perusal. 

Dumping her pack on the ground and setting her bow on the kitchen table, she made her way over to where he stood. Keeping her eyes on his, Aloy ran her fingertips over his flat stomach and up the planes of his chest to wrap around his neck. She tugged until Avad dipped down to brush his lips over hers.

“Mind if I get you all sweaty again?” she whispered against his mouth. 

Playfulness danced in his deep brown eyes. “Never.” 

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Avad pressed himself against her as he claimed her for another kiss. Aloy groaned, savoring the difference in the way he tasted and kissed as opposed to Nil. Avad was sweet where Nil was sharp and the idea of combining the two made Aloy dizzy as she returned his kiss with fervor. 

Impatient, Aloy tugged at the towel around his waist until it dropped to the floor, joining the one Avad had already let go of. Her hands wandered over his body even as his tugged at her clothes, normally graceful fingers fumbling at her zipper and the clasp of her bra in his haste to rid her of them. 

When she was bare from the waist up, Aloy helped Avad tug her shorts down and she used him to balance as she tried to pry her boots off as fast as she could. When the zipper caught, Aloy growled at it. Laughing, Avad bent to swing her up in his arms.

“You really never learned patience, did you?”

Aloy huffed at him before arching up to kiss his neck, tangling her hand in his hair as he carried her to their bedroom. Gently, he laid her down on the bed and knelt before her, unzipping her boots and slipping them off much more deftly than she had tried to. He slid her shorts and panties off after them, then paused with his hands curled around her calves, staring up at her adoringly. 

Biting her lip, Aloy smiled at him. She ignored the heat still simmering below the surface to run her fingers through his curls and push them away from his face. Tilting his face up further with her other hand, Aloy bent to kiss him softly, brushing her lips against his until he opened and their tongues melded together in a familiar dance. 

“Aloy…” he whispered, his hands now smoothing up her legs to the apex of her lust. 

“He’s an amazing kisser,” Aloy said as his fingers found her clit and his mouth moved to her jaw and then her neck. Avad groaned against her skin, all the encouragement she needed to keep speaking. “Rough in all the right ways and - _goddess, Avad_ \- he pinned me to the wall and kissed the hell out of me.”

Avad buried his face against her neck and she could hear the hitch in his breathing. His fingers kept up their steady pace, circling around her clit before sliding down to slip inside her. Aloy cried out at the invasion, clenching around his fingers as he curled them up to play with that perfect spot inside her. His palm pressed against her clit and Aloy’s hips jerked to meet him, needing more pressure, more movement, more Avad. 

Thankfully, he didn’t tease. Instead, Avad slowly began to pump his fingers, curling up with each stoke to drive her wilder as his palm pressed more firmly against her bundle of nerves. Aloy twisted one of her hands in the comforter and the other in Avad’s hair as she rocked up against him erratically. 

Pressing sweet kisses along the length of her neck, Avad pushed her over the edge slowly but surely. Aloy came gasping and shuddering underneath him and her eyes burned as a tear escaped and ran down her cheek. Softly, Avad kissed it away. 

“By the sun, you are gorgeous,” he whispered. His fingers slipped out of her and he brought them up to lick her essence off of them. Aloy groaned as she watched, unimaginably turned on and more than ready for him to be inside her. When he was done, she sat up to kiss him fiercely, loving the taste of herself on his tongue. Reaching down, she wrapped her fingers around his cock, stroking him until he was the one gasping. 

Avad reached down to stop her. “Please, Aloy, I need to be inside you.” 

In response, Aloy slid back onto the bed, making room for Avad to crawl up above her. He settled between her legs, hips pressing against hers and his length hard against her core. Softly, he licked and nipped at her breasts, twining his fingers with hers and pressing her hands against the soft fabric below them. 

When he paused and looked up at her, Aloy saw helpless curiosity burning in his gaze and she smirked slightly at him. “He _was_ going to kiss you first, but I won our bet.” 

Red burned across Avad’s face and he groaned, thumping his forehead onto her sternum in defeat. “I can’t blame you, but I am eternally jealous.” 

Aloy laughed. “Of him or of me?”

“Both,” he muttered against her skin. 

Taking pity on him, Aloy stifled another laugh and slid her hands across his skin to settle on his lower back and press him down. She arched up, undulating against him, and whispered, “Trust me, he’s worth the wait.” 

Avad surged up to kiss her hard, shifting to slide into her in one smooth motion. Crying out, Aloy wrapped her legs around him, full and aching as Avad began thrusting into her. Faster than it did before, pressure built in her core and Aloy dug her nails into his back. He slipped one of his hands underneath her thigh, pulling it higher so that his cock hit even deeper inside of her. Meeting each thrust, Aloy threw her head back and reveled in the feeling of him surrounding and filling her.

With his lips on her throat, Avad whispered praise after praise for her. Her beauty, her mind, her ferocity and passion. Each word coiled inside her tighter until she shattered in his arms. Shouting his name, Aloy spasmed around him. Avad followed soon after, spilling himself inside her before collapsing on top of her. 

Gasping, the couple stayed still for several minutes, until Aloy couldn’t take it any longer. “Avad, you’re too heavy, get off of me.”

She pushed at his shoulders futilely since Avad wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. Laughing, Aloy tugged his hair, lightly kicking the backs of his legs. It wasn’t until her fingers found the sensitive spots under his ribs that Avad rolled off of her, gasping to catch his breaths from his own giggles. 

Following him, Aloy splayed herself on top of him. She sighed contentedly, closing her eyes against the overhead light and snuggling in closer to him. 

Avad stroked his fingers over her braids, toying with the ends of them. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before Aloy realized she really did need a shower. Pushing off of her boyfriend, she rolled off the bed and stood. Stretching languidly, she looked over her shoulder. “Wanna join me for another shower?” 

Sitting up, Avad smiled at her. “Sure, just give me a moment?”

Aloy waved her hand and made her way to the bathroom without bothering to pick up any of her clothes scattered around the apartment. When she looked back, she saw Avad on his phone, with the most adorable smile gracing his face. By now, she recognized that look. Crossing her arms, she leaned against the wall and smirked at him.

“Who’re you texting, Avad?”

His head jerked up and he glared at her accusingly. “If you get to kiss him first, then I’m allowed to text him.”

Laughing, Aloy just turned and went into the bathroom. 

Figuring out this new relationship was definitely something she was looking forward to. 

***

Aloy and Avad each ran into Nil over the next couple of days. Which had nothing to do with them checking the mail multiple times a day. Or any of the other excuses they took to loiter around their apartment complex. 

Thursday was especially hot for this time of year so while Aloy was at work, Avad decided to take some time out in the sun. 

They didn’t have an especially large complex, but it was certainly big enough for the swimming pool to the side of their building. Avad had always lamented that it wasn’t built for swimming laps, but it did have a nice collection of lounge chairs and hammocks surrounding it. Bringing a book and his tanning oil, Avad made his way out to the pool in his swimsuit and a shirt. 

Relieved that to find the pool deserted despite the nice day, he chose a seat that was directly in the sun. Unlike Aloy, his job had him inside grading papers most of the time so he missed the sunlight most days. And summer was fading fast so he knew days like this were limited. Avad stripped off his shirt and started to smooth the oil over his skin. He was already lamenting the fact that Aloy wasn’t there to help him with his back when he heard an all too familiar voice from behind him. 

“Need some help with that?”

Low and dark, Nil’s voice reverberated through Avad and he turned just a touch too quick. Nil was already close to him and he reached out to steady him when Avad stumbled slightly. As usual, a slight smirk rested on those lips, and amusement lurked in his steel eyes. 

Blinking, Avad tried to recall what he had asked. “Help with what?”

“With your oil,” Nil said, holding up the hand he had used to steady Avad. “I’ve already got some on me anyway.” 

Avad swallowed and held out the bottle wordlessly. It didn’t escape his gaze that Nil was wearing a tight pair of swim shorts and nothing else but the towel slung over his shoulder. The image was burned into him as he turned to show Nil his back. 

He’d seen Nil - Shadow - more naked than this before, of course, but it was nothing compared to being so close to him in person. Try as he might, he still jumped slightly when he felt Nil’s hand on his back, smoothing the oil into his skin. It was cold at first, but the oil warmed under his hands and Avad fought the reaction provoked by the feeling of Nil massaging his skin. 

After minutes of torture in which he was sure Nil was deliberately taking his time, Nil finally said, “Here, all done.” He handed over the bottle again and slung his towel over the chair next to him. Avad took the moment while his back was turned to run his gaze over his body more slowly. A muscular build, just this side of beefy, but one that made sure anyone who saw him knew he worked out. Little scars flecked his pale skin, along with one freckle in the middle of his back, that he had never seen in the cams. 

When Nil turned back, he quickly averted his eyes, though he could still see the look Nil gave him as he sauntered over to the edge of the pool. Helplessly, Avad watched as he dove into the deep end. He didn’t surface for a minute and Avad was about to get worried, but then his dark head popped up. Hastily, Avad sat in the reclining chair, hoping it wasn’t blaringly obvious that he had been watching Nil the entire time. 

Nil swam over to the edge of the pool closest to him, hooking his arms over the side and propping his chin on them to stare up at Avad. “You’re not going to swim?”

Wordlessly, Avad held up the book he had brought - a historical romance - and opened it up to where his bookmark lay. He didn’t trust himself to speak right now with Nil’s sleek muscles on display and the lack of eyeliner making his eyes seem softer. He lifted the book to block his view, but he peeked over it anyway. Nil caught him looking and smirked. 

“So you had a fun night on Tuesday?”

The words were innocuous enough but red raced to cover Avad’s face and he really did bury it in his book this time. “It was, um, yes it was a- well, a very nice evening,” he finished lamely. 

He heard splashing and looked to find Nil with his back turned to him, gliding through the water smoothly to flip over and let himself float face up in the middle of the pool. His eyes were closed, as if soaking up the sun the same way Avad was, it’s heat burning into the half of his body that wasn’t submerged. 

With his eyes closed, Avad didn’t feel the pressure to avert his own. Relaxed silence filled the space for several minutes as his attention switched back and forth from his book to the man he was taking on a date in two day’s time. Between the two, he’d only read a grand total of one page by the time Nil spoke again. 

“Anticipation can build tension but I must admit that I am curious. I’ve been told what time to be ready on Saturday, but not what to be ready for.” He said it so nonchalantly, so casually, that Avad knew it was on purpose when he said, “Should I dress for hunting? Or perhaps a sex club? Expectations pale when it comes to thinking about the two of you.”

A strangled sound escaped Avad’s throat. _A sex club._ The image of Nil in the leather harness he had worn once as Shadow flitted through his mind and Avad bit his tongue against the groan that rose up. 

Lowering his book so it covered his crotch rather than his face, Avad found Nil staring at him with a wolfish grin and an unholy light in his silver eyes. He glared at him, fully aware that he’d said that just to get a rise out of him. 

“We’re not telling you,” he said, as dignified as he could. “Just dress as you normally would.”

Nil pouted at him and Avad tried his best not to think of how adorable he looked. “Including the piercings and the goth gear?” 

Confused, Avad nodded. “Of course, why wouldn’t you?”

“No reason,” he replied, but his voice was just a touch softer and he had made his way once again to the edge of the pool. 

When he didn’t speak again, Avad shifted until he was on his stomach, laying flat on the chaise. Their roles reversed, now Avad felt his eyes on him as he attempted to make headway on his story. He knew he wasn’t as toned as Nil was, but he was aware that he had a good body… and he may have preened just a tad under Nil’s gaze. It was only fair after what he had pulled with the sex club comment. 

Comfortable, if slightly charged, silence reigned again and still Avad made no progress on his book. Because now all he could think about were Nil’s hands on the places his gaze touched. 

“What are you reading?”

Avad read off the title to him and at the confused look, he smiled. “It’s about a heiress who gets married off to a prince, but they end up truly falling in love.”

“Is it good?” 

Used to the condescension Avad received occasionally from men upon learning his literature choices, the pure curiosity in Nil’s voice was refreshing. He started telling him about the story until Nil’s eyes widened and he stopped him. 

“Books shouldn’t be spoiled, especially not if I’m planning on asking to borrow it later.”

Laughing, Avad agreed to let him borrow it when he was done. They spoke of books for a while and Avad was amused to learn that Nil preferred murder mysteries - though the way he kept eyeing his book made him think he liked romance more than he would admit to. 

Eventually, they grew quiet and Avad finally settled in to read his book. Time passed in a haze, Avad flipped back onto his back, and occasionally they would chat. After a bit, Avad heard him make his way out of the pool and he lowered his book to his lap. 

Dropping onto the chaise next to him, Nil ran his towel over his hair before drying the rest of his body. He only made a little bit of a show of it before he slung the towel over his shoulder and looked at Avad. “Going back in yet?”

Shaking his head, he said, “No, what with all the distractions, I didn’t actually get that much reading in.” He kept his tone light and teasing and he was rewarded with the laugh Nil gave him in return. 

What he wasn’t ready for was Nil standing up to cross the couple feet between them. He leaned over, placing his hands on the armrests of the lounge chair. Crowding Avad against the back of the chair, he smirked at him. “Are you calling me a distraction?”

Without his permission, Avad’s gaze slipped down to Nil’s lips. “Yes,” he whispered. It wasn’t like he could deny that Nil was the one who had taken most of his attention that afternoon when Nil himself already knew the answer. Water slid off Nil’s hair and down his face to drip onto his chest and Avad barely registered the cool drops on his skin. 

Those expressive lips quirked into another smile. “Good,” he said smugly. With that, he lowered his lips to Avad’s and any thought of his book or anything else fled entirely. 

Nil’s lips were soft and they tasted vaguely of chlorine before his tongue darted out to tease at Avad’s lower lip. Moaning, Avad opened for him eagerly. Sliding one of his hands to the nape of his neck, Nil tilted his head up and bit his lip softly before taking advantage of it. Clutching the book in his lap like a lifeline, Avad sunk into the heated kiss, letting Nil explore him at his leisure. 

The only places they touched were their lips and that hand on his neck and Avad was nearly overwhelmed. Nil’s hand slipped into his curls and tightened slightly, dragging another gasp from his throat as Avad tried and failed to cling to his sanity. The wet heat of his tongue grew more demanding until Avad was whining into his mouth and Nil finally pulled away with a quiet hiss of his own. 

Dazed, Avad blinked up at him and said the first thing that came to mind. “Glad to see she was right.”

“Who was right about what?” Nil asked, his tongue darting out to swipe at his lips. 

“Aloy said you were a terrific kisser.” His voice was breathless but Avad couldn’t have cared less at that moment, nor did he care that Nil had just kissed the air from his lungs in a very public way. 

The fingers still twined in his hair gave a playful tug before they retreated and Nil gifted him with a matching smile. “It’s always good to discover those things for yourself.” Backing away, Nil kept his eyes on him as he made his way to the gate and their building beyond. “Enjoy your book. I’ll see you on Saturday.” 

Avad watched him as he turned and let himself out, then stared blindly at his book. The book that Nil had somehow managed to not drip a single bit of water on. Pressing the back of his hand to his mouth, Avad groaned. Saturday was too far away.

***

Thankfully, Aloy didn’t have to work the next day because - the night before their date - Shadow was scheduled to have his first cam session after his break. 

Aloy and Avad had tiptoed around the subject all week and by the time Friday arrived, they had both settled on putting off the decision. Struggling with it all day during her classes, Aloy decided that it didn’t matter if they watched or not. Now that she knew Nil in real life, it was… odd to think about watching his cams. Like a violation of his privacy, despite the fact that they had watched many of his cams before. And that was the other argument; they had already watched him before, so was there any harm in watching another?

Despite her resolution to not worry about it, the conflict picked and pulled at the threads of her consciousness and she still hadn’t made a solid decision when the time came. Avad was already sitting at his desk when she got home and he met her gaze silently. He was biting his lip as he fidgeted slightly, a sure sign he was as conflicted as her. 

“I have it pulled up,” he said quietly, gesturing to his computer. “Should we…”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Aloy shrugged helplessly.

A wry smile crept across Avad’s face. “That’s a first.”

Shoving his shoulder lightly, Aloy moved to stand behind him. Leaning forward to press play, Avad said, “I suppose we should see how it feels?”

Aloy hummed an affirmative and looped her arms around his shoulders when he sat back. Normally, she’d be in his lap, but she was too antsy right now to sit. Instead she kissed the crown of his head before resting her chin on his curls. 

The black screen lit up and Shadow - _Nil_ \- was front and center. He was wearing his customary cutoff band tee and black jeans, as he often did at the beginning of a stream. Aloy let out a strangled noise when she realized it was the same shirt he had worn last week, on the day they had met him. A hand rose to clasp her own and Avad squeezed until she squeezed back. 

The background was different, obviously, but the similarity in the layout and apartment that they could see was so reminiscent of their own that the reality of this situation settled in a little more. 

“What’s up, assholes. I know you all missed me so very dearly in my absence and I am touched by how many of you are logged on right now.” The comments were already beginning to pour in and Aloy looked closer to find that there was indeed a record amount of viewers. 

“I don’t want to say anything, or tip, if that’s alright with you,” Avad said softly.

Aloy pressed a kiss to his neck. “Me neither. It would feel too much like…”

“Buying his affection?”

“Yeah.”

Avad brought her hand to his lips and brushed a soft kiss there, then they watched Shadow talk in silence. Eventually, he stripped his shirt off and Aloy’s fingers clutched at Avad’s shirt. Somehow, now that she had seen him, met him, _kissed him,_ everything was heightened. How she felt about the gleam of his eyes as he teased his viewers, the way he posed as he threw his shirt off-screen, the humor lurking in the corners of his mouth. 

She knew now that he was calculating about how he did this. The way he moved was more sinuous than normal - though he had plenty of that catlike grace normally anyway. His words and manner reminded her of the way he had spoken to her in the archery range, that teasing dominance threaded through every action. 

Despite the difference though, it was all purely _him._ Just a more… commercialized version. 

“-went alright. The trickiest stuff to move is my equipment so that’s why I had to put off this grand return until now.” Shadow winked flirtatiously at the camera and Aloy huffed out a laugh. Show hound. 

Smiling slyly, he added, “There have been some perks to the new place, though. Closer to downtown, a nice pool, and extremely hot neighbors.” Aloy squeaked louder than she thought she was capable of and her grip on Avad’s shirt became a stranglehold as he jerked too. “The last wasn’t advertised but damn if it wasn’t the best one.” 

The chat pinged with messages but Aloy just watched, mouth agape. She hadn’t expected- hadn’t thought- He had mentioned them. Nil was talking about her and Avad. 

Shadow scoffed, breaking her out of her trance. “You know I won’t talk more about people I actually know or my personal life, don’t be demanding. But if you’re all so starving, the least I can do is throw you a bone.” Avad’s hand flew up to catch hers and they clung to each other. “He blushes at the drop of a hat and she’s a minx. And fuck if I haven’t thought about the both of them in my bed-”

Avad jerked forward and shut down the whole computer. With the overwhelming sound of her pulse rushing through her ears, Aloy couldn’t hear anything else beyond that. When her boyfriend collapsed back into the chair, she patted his shoulder absently. “Thank you for that,” she said faintly. 

“Wh-what should we do now?” Avad’s voice was faintly shaky and Aloy sympathized enough that she sat on the arm of one of the chairs close by. Her knees were far too weak right then to carry her much farther. 

“If that’s any indication, I don’t think we can keep watching Shadow’s cams.” In the wake of the fading shock, heat pulsed through her body and she couldn’t help but regret that they didn’t get to hear what else Nil said about them. 

“And what about telling him? That we’ve… watched his cams.” 

Aloy let out a strangled laugh. “And touched ourselves and each other while watching? I have no idea, Avad.” She waved her hands uselessly, wishing she had something, anything to fidget or tinker with. 

“I think we should wait. See where this - us - goes and talk to him about it when this becomes more serious?”

Aloy thought about it for a minute. “I don’t like the idea of keeping this from him. It feels like lying.”

Standing, Avad crossed the few feet separating them to crouch in front of his and take her fidgeting hands with his own. “I know. I feel that way, too. But I don’t want to make him uncomfortable either.” 

With a deep sigh, Aloy leaned forward to press her forehead against his, finding comfort in his closeness. “We do it together?”

“Always.” Avad tilted his head and kissed her softly, sweetly. “If tomorrow goes well, maybe we’ll tell him then.”

“Hopefully it goes well then.” Aloy smirked at him, letting humor take the place of the uncertainty still swirling in her gut.

Thankfully, Avad laughed. “Is that the only reason you want it to go well?”

“Hm, it would be nice to have another boyfriend.”

Pulling back with an affected look of affront, Avad put his hand to his chest theatrically. “Am I not enough for you anymore?”

Aloy tutted at him. “You, sir, are entirely too much for me. Maybe I just need someone else to handle you.” She cocked an eyebrow at him and was rewarded with another laugh and another kiss. 

  
***

Special Nil excerpt since I know y'all will all be asking:

**Guest #117:** _are you planning on fucking these hot neighbors?? O.O_

Nil scoffed. It was always the guests who had the balls to ask shit like that. His regulars knew better than to ask things like that, so he shut them down the same way he would anyone else. “You know I won’t talk more about people I actually know or my personal life, don’t be demanding.” Even as he spoke, the image of Avad and Aloy at his door last week flashed before his eyes and he couldn’t help himself. “But if you’re all so starving, the least I can do is throw you a bone. He blushes at the drop of a hat and she’s a minx.” Avad’s fingers touching his own and that red flush that ran up his neck had made Nil want to kiss him from the first time they had met. And Aloy was a spitfire, all passion and spark and sass. “And fuck if I haven’t thought about the both of them in my bed, together preferably. I could make him a mess in record time and she would be the perfect challenge. The two of them combined…”

Thinking about the both of them splayed out in that giant bed of theirs had Nil hard and aching. It wasn’t the first time he’d thought of them like that this week, but this time he didn’t take matters into his own hands quite so fast. Instead, he pressed his palm against his covered cock, grinding his hips up to give his viewers a show. 

Glancing at the chat, he saw several more thirsty questions about his “neighbors” as well as a few new viewers. His brows constricted slightly as he saw that sunking69 had left. Nil did his best not to get attached to any of his viewers, but he rather liked the quiet guy. He tipped well and he’d been sweet in their private chat. Thankfully, the next entry distracted him. 

**Guest #117:** _and if they make you a mess?_

He would _not_ be answering that. But the answer would be what kept him hard the rest of this session. 


	5. And Away We Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the DATE - and it's perfect until it isn't.
> 
> Chapter title is from Away We Go by Coheed and Cambria! And the beautiful art this week is by toxcatl!

The cuffs of his shirt were not laying correctly and Avad considered just ripping the shirt off and trying a different one. But he cast a sullen look at their bed to see three other discarded shirts and he refused to add another. 

This was just a date. A first date. He didn’t need to look perfect. 

A voice that sounded suspiciously like his father’s could be heard in the back of his head telling him that he always needed to look perfect but he ignored it. Instead, he frowned at the cuffs. He’d forgone any cufflinks - too fancy for tonight - but the shirt didn’t look right without them. With a sigh of disgust, he turned to face the full length mirror hanging on the wall by the bed. He was wearing a pair of dark blue trousers, the damned white button down, and a mustard yellow vest. Pulling the ensemble together would be the sun-patterned bow tie currently hanging loose around his neck. 

He refused to tie it before he decided what to do about the cuffs. Thankfully, as always, Aloy came to his rescue. Appearing in the open doorway, she was already calling out, “Avad, we only have-”

She snorted when she saw him fidgeting and he shot her an exasperated, helpless look. “Help me?” Avad held up his hands to show her the loose fabric. 

Aloy was already dressed, as per usual. It took her a grand total of ten minutes to get ready for their date nights while he fussed for what felt like hours. She’d picked out one of her long blue dresses, bohemian and floral, that showed just a hint of cleavage and flowed all the way down to the chunky black boots she wore. Several necklaces overlapped over each other but magically never tangled with her wild hair. Some of it was pulled back, tucked behind a bandana she’d fashioned into a headband, black to match the worn leather jacket she had atop the dress. Just a touch of makeup on her eyes completed the look and made her seem like a nature goddess come to earth.

The effortless confidence she exuded helped soothe some of Avad’s restlessness. Biting his lip, he let her take one of his hands. Instead of fastening the cuff, she started to roll them up his arms. Avad opened his mouth to protest but Aloy shot him a quelling look. “It’ll look good like this, trust me.” 

“I never wear them like that.”

“You should.”

Her pert tone succeeded in making him smile, which he knew was her goal. When she was done with the second cuff, Aloy reached up and began threading the ends of his bow tie together. Avad focused on taking deep breaths while she worked, attempting to center himself as his therapist had taught him years ago. Sometimes it worked better than others.

“There,” Aloy stated. “You look wonderful.” 

Hands on his waist, she turned him back to face the mirror before wrapping her arms around him from behind. The bow tie was perfect and the rolled up sleeves did look good, he had to admit. He’d styled his hair so it lay loose tonight, falling down to his shoulders in brown and gold curls. Sharp eyeliner and a dusting of gold shadow covered his eyelids and brought out the deeper brown shade of his eyes. Swallowing, Avad conceded that there were no more little things to fuss with.

At least about his appearance. “Do you think the restaurant-”

“It’s perfect, Avad. Now, should we go see what our date picked out to wear?” Aloy slipped her hand into his and tugged him towards the door with a mischievous smile. 

He huffed out a laugh. “You’re not nervous at all, are you?”

Aloy’s hand stalled on the doorknob and she let her calm mask slip just a little. “Of course I am. But the excitement outweighs it, don’t you think?”

Butterflies stormed through his stomach and Avad nodded. “Yes. It does.”

***

Avad knocked twice before stepping back. Curling her hand around his arm, Aloy squeezed it slightly and he was reminded of the first time they had stood at Nil’s door like this. Just a week ago but it felt like so much longer.

However, this time Nil opened the door a second after he finished knocking, as if he’d been waiting right there. The thought did more to calm Avad than anything else - though none of it showed on his face, Nil must be nervous, too. 

As he had guessed he might be, Nil was decked out in all black. Jeans ripped in a way that must have been purposeful, combat boots tipped in silver, a t-shirt for a band Avad did not recognize, and a nice leather jacket that looked like it hadn’t been worn much yet. Nil’s black hair was pulled back in its customary bun, sharpening the angles of his face and further accentuated by the sharp eyeliner coating his own lids. 

He’d used the liner to draw a short line below each of his eyes, culminating in a little circle. The markings were perfect, as if tattooed on his skin, and they leant him a wildness he didn’t normally possess. A part of Avad admired the skill it would take to make those clean lines but a bigger part of him wanted to run his fingertips over his sharp cheekbones and mar them with his touch. 

Avad had planned to just say hello, but the words that spilled out of his mouth were, “You look beautiful.” As soon as they left his lips, he felt a blush creeping up his neck and he did his best to shove it down. 

However, it did win him a sweet smile, so he couldn’t really regret it. Nil’s dark brows lifted as he ran his eyes over him in return. “I should be saying that to you. I thought you said I didn’t need to dress up.”

Snorting, Aloy shoved Avad’s arm lightly. “He always dresses up. You should see him when he has to go to a work party.” Sidling up close to Nil, she tilted her chin up to meet his eyes and her voice lowered. “He’s right though, you do look amazing.”

Reaching out to tug on one of her braids, Nil replied, “Good, I need to if I want to keep up with the two of you.” 

Laughing brightly, Aloy took his hand and tugged him out of his apartment. “You’re ready, then?”

The three made their way out into the late afternoon sun and Avad was thankful they’d all brought jackets because the temperature had slipped today. 

“So do I finally get to know where we’re going? You’ve had me drawn tight as a wire all week,” Nil said as Avad led them to his car. 

“We’re taking you for the most elaborate date in the history of dating.” At his blank stare, Aloy continued, “Dinner and a movie.”

“Ah yes,” Nil said sardonically. “I can see why the secrecy was necessary. Had I known, I would have actually looked to see what movies were playing and that would ruin it entirely.” 

A smile tugged at his lips. “There’s two of us and we were the ones to ask you out; we thought it was only fair of us to plan the whole thing.” 

“What if I don’t like the movie you’ve picked out?”

Avad knew he was only teasing him, but panic threatened at his words. He fumbled at the keys he pulled out of his pocket and Aloy answered for him. 

“Then we go to a different movie. And if you don’t like movies, then we can go out for a drink. But I do hope you like the one we picked because I’ve been wanting to see it.” Reaching out to tug Nil’s jacket, she led him the right way across their garage. “Especially since Avad would normally refuse to come see it with me.” 

Before Nil could respond, they’d reach his car and Avad unlocked it to slide into the driver’s seat. Aloy ceded shotgun to Nil and they slipped into the car as he whistled. “Damn, I should have guessed the BMW was yours.” 

“That obvious?” Avad asked wryly. He’d grown up with money, was used to people commenting on it, so it didn’t surprise him. 

“Expensive, but not ostentatious or gaudy,” Nil mused. “It suits you.” 

At Nil’s amused look, Avad felt his cheeks brighten and he turned on the car and fiddled with the radio to avoid answering. 

The restaurant was only a few minutes away and the three settled into a comfortable drive as Aloy asked Nil about the band represented on his t-shirt. Avad chimed in occasionally but his nerves were still eating a hole in his stomach and his hands were tight on the wheel. He desperately hoped Nil would like their choices for the night. They’d been picked based on off-hand comments he had made during past cam sessions and now Avad had the absurd thought that maybe he had just spoken randomly, that the preferences he’d mentioned were made up. 

Attempting to smother those intrusive thoughts, Avad comforted himself with the same sentiment Aoy had expressed earlier. If Nil didn’t like it, they could go somewhere else, do something else. It didn’t need to happen exactly as Avad had planned to be a good date, much as he might instinctively think otherwise. 

Pulling up in front of their favorite Indian restaurant, Avad parked in one of the few open spaces. It was crowded on a Saturday night - a good sign of a good restaurant and Avad was glad he’d called to make reservations. He turned to look at Nil and found him pouting. 

Anxiety roared to life again until he saw the sly look he gave him. “I was kinda hoping you’d pick something I wouldn’t like so I could complain.” 

_Oh._ He was teasing him. Avad let out a sigh of relief. He tried to relax his hands, one still tense on the stick shift. A warm hand covered his own and he jumped, turning to meet Nil’s bright grey eyes, startled to find him closer than before. He put gentle pressure on Avad’s hand before tugging it off the gearshift.

“Relax, Avad. It’s just a date, not the fate of the world.” Nil’s deep voice was soft and teasing, but it was the feeling of his hand on his own that slowed Avad’s pulse and let some of that calm break through his pervading nervousness. He let a smile slip out and only then did Nil let go, turning to unbuckle himself and step out of the car. 

Avad watched him go, then turned to find Aloy staring at him. Her chin was propped up on her hand and she was smiling sweetly at him, the smile she gave him on lazy mornings and whenever he caught her watching him paint. 

“What?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly. 

“He calmed you down.” 

Avad blushed and looked down, hating that he got so anxious about what was, indeed, just a date. “So?”

Reaching between their seats, Aloy brushed the backs of her fingers against his cheek, until he looked back up to her. “He didn’t judge or get upset at you for worrying, Avad. He just helped calm you down. When your nerves act back up, just think about that, okay?” 

With a quick kiss on his cheek, Aloy was up and out of the car. Refusing to give into the urge to bury his face in his hands and scream, Avad took a deep breath and followed them. 

Nil had waited patiently by the door for them and the three entered together. After giving his name to the hostess, they were led to Avad’s favorite table. It sat by the windows facing the west, where they could see the sun beginning to dip closer to the horizon and spreading soft pink light throughout the restaurant. 

Most first dates were awkward, filled with small talk and cautious getting-to-know-you questions. Whether it was the fact that there were three of them or because Nil never seemed like the type to feel awkward or stop talking, Avad wasn’t sure; but either way, the meal went so fast that Avad was almost surprised when the waiter asked if they wanted dessert. 

He hadn’t even finished his own paneer dish so Avad shook his head. Despite having ordered the spiciest curry on the menu, Nil had eaten all of it and just shrugged. It was Aloy who was biting her lip and looking longingly at the dessert menu in the waiter’s hand. 

With a fond smile, Avad reached out for the menu and handed it over to a grinning Aloy when the waiter left to give them time. She studied it intensely, mumbling occasionally as she discarded options. Avad knew for a fact she had tried most of the desserts on their menu and could probably guess what she was going to choose, but he let her go through the motions. 

“Do you want dessert, Nil?” 

“I’ll probably steal some of whatever she gets.” 

Avad laughed. “Good luck with that, she might bite you if you get too close. 

Glaring at him over the top of the menu, Aloy said haughtily, “I don’t bite unless it’s asked for.” 

“You’re welcome to bite me,” Nil purred. 

Avad’s face flamed, even more so after Aloy shot Nil a heated look. The waiter chose that moment to come back and Avad thanked the sun because he could tell Aloy was about to say something that would make him want to hide in the bathroom forever. 

“Did you decide what you’d like to order?”

Aloy handed the menu back and gave her order. By that time, Avad had managed to start talking with Nil about something - anything - else, so she couldn’t say what she had been planning to. She shot him a knowing look but he ignored her. 

When the waiter brought her a dish of warm sweets, Aloy groaned at the sight and Avad stifled a sigh at the look Nil shot her. Set in front of her were several little dumplings, fried and topped in syrup and almonds.

“What are those?” Nil asked, leaning over to look at the steaming desert. 

“Gulab jamun,” Avad answered for her. “They’re her favorites; essentially, they’re made from milk dough - _khoya_ \- and fried. They top it with the syrup and spices.” 

“Do you want to try one?” Aloy asked him. 

Nil nodded and before Avad could register what was happening, Aloy plucked one of the little balls out and held it up to his lips. Without breaking eye contact, Nil opened his mouth and let her feed it to him. Her fingers lingered on his lips and Avad’s temperature spiked when he saw Nil nip at them lightly before pulling back to chew. 

Even then, he wasn’t given any peace since Nil groaned sinfully. “God, that’s amazing.” 

Aloy grinned at him smugly before lifting her fingers up to lick the syrup off them. Her eyes darted to meet Avad’s and he knew that she knew exactly what she was doing when her tongue flicked out to catch the last bit of sugar. Despite himself, Avad couldn’t glare at her as he felt warmth spread throughout his body.

So instead, he closed his eyes, silently cursing both of them until he heard them begin to talk about whether the almonds added any flavor or not. Deeming himself better under control, Avad cautiously looked at them again. Both of his dates were staunchly ignoring him now and somehow that only made it worse, watching them now sharing the dessert with nothing else to concentrate on. 

By the time they had finished, Avad was convinced he was going mad. His signature on the receipt may have been a tad more forceful than usual but he was just glad his discomfort wasn’t visible when they left the restaurant. 

Aloy and Nil both pretended nothing had happened when they got back into their seats. Avad did his best to follow suit and they made it to the movie theater without either of them testing his patience again. 

He might have noticed that their earlier efforts had staved off the nerves that had gripped him so much earlier. Whether that was part of Aloy’s plan or just a side effect, he wasn’t entirely sure but either way he was grateful. 

“Okay, now you have to guess which movie we picked out.” Aloy was gleeful as she stated this, her fingers twining with Nil’s as they waited in line to get their tickets checked. 

Tilting his head, Nil examined each of the posters hanging around the theater lobby. He made a neutral noise, then gestured at the one of a girl holding a bloody axe. “The horror movie, I think.” 

Aloy snorted. “It’s because I told you Avad wouldn’t have gone with me. That’s how you got it.”

Smirking, Nil replied, “Of course it is. You should know better than to choreograph your moves so obviously, little huntress.” 

Smiling at their antics, Avad handed their tickets off to the attendant and they were told where their theater would be. Once through the doors, Aloy took their drink orders and shooed them off to get seats while she bought popcorn. 

Lamenting the fact that he wasn’t nearly as confident as his girlfriend, Avad didn’t take Nil’s hand as they found their way to their theater. 

“So you don’t like horror movies?”

Avad’s nose scrunched as he grimaced. “Not particularly. I have a tendency to jump and, well, my nerves get the best of me sometimes.” 

“I noticed,” Nil mused, but his tone was soft enough that Avad’s hackles didn’t raise as they normally would. 

Almost no one was in the theater when they took their seats; which meant they got the perfect ones. The first row after the walkway cutting through the middle and right in the center. He told Nil what the synopsis was and they mocked the standard tropes of horror movies until Aloy joined them with their drinks and the largest container of popcorn Avad had ever seen.

Raising his eyebrows, he asked, “Did dinner and dessert not satisfy you?” 

Settling into the seat on the other side of Nil, she replied, “I’m never satisfied, Avad. You know that.” 

That effectively shut him up and Avad was grateful for the low lighting in theaters. Nil took the popcorn away from her and sat it in his lap. At her noise of protest, he said, “Middle person always holds the popcorn, that’s universal.”

She still grumbled but she took a handful and shoved it into her mouth instead of arguing. 

Soon enough, the lights dimmed further on the small audience and the previews started. Mostly, they were about other horror movies and Avad already felt tense watching them. He was starting to wish _he_ had taken the middle seat but it was too late by then. 

The movie opened on a group of college kids joking around but it devolved quickly, the scenes getting darker and the villain making his first appearance. As usual, Avad jumped at the first scare and he clutched at the arms of his chair. Just as it had happened in the car earlier, he felt Nil’s hand on his, pulling his fingers loose and threading through them with his own. 

When he looked over at the other man, he found his eyes glued on the screen. He was watching with a slight smirk but he squeezed Avad’s hand in a clear message that he could hold on to him. Affection surged through Avad’s chest and he bit back a smile before turning to face the screen himself.

Of course, not ten minutes later, his face was buried in Nil’s shoulder as the first person got brutally murdered. He could feel the laughter vibrate through his chest but he didn’t care as long as Nil let him use him as a barrier. Avad could still hear Aloy cackling quietly on the other side of him and he was grateful he had Nil because she would have absolutely no sympathy. 

“It’s all fake,” Nil murmured in his ear. “No real blood or bodies, none of the terror real enough to hurt.” 

“Tell that to my heart,” he muttered back. He swore he could feel Nil’s lips brush over his hair and he tried to focus more on that than the screams echoing through the room. 

Nil sighed wistfully. “I could always cut a hole in the popcorn bucket. Give you something else to occupy your time, if you want.”

Avad choked on his breath and now he was burying his face against Nil for an entirely different reason. Heat blasted through him and, while he was grateful for the distraction, he also wanted to do some murdering of his own now. “You’re a menace.”

His only answer was a low laugh. 

When the movie had finally, blissfully, ended, Avad stood on somewhat shaky legs to follow them out. Aloy and Nil were debating the plausibility of the ending but Avad was just happy his hand was still clasped in Nil’s. 

“I’m just saying, she could have just gotten a knife out of the kitchen.”

“Ah but then she would have walked right into his trap.”

“If she knew any self-defense whatsoever, he couldn’t have held on to her when he grabbed her anyway!” Aloy was passionate and he appreciated that she had someone to talk to about these finer points, because they were all lost on him. 

Nil tutted at her. “The first rule of self-defense is to run away so it’s glaringly obvious that she never stepped foot near any training.”

“And yet! She lived.”

“A true miracle.” 

Joy tinged Aloy’s laugh as she tugged on Nil’s other arm. “That religious one that they previewed looked awful - do you wanna see it with me next week?”

“I’d love to,” Nil replied, a smile of his own gracing his handsome face as he watched her practically bouncing up and down.

“Am I allowed to refrain from going?” 

Another laugh and Aloy was in front of him, cradling his face in her hands. “Poor baby,” she crooned and Avad rolled his eyes as he tried to escape her grasp. “You made it though! First horror movie in years.”

“And I’d like to not repeat the experience,” he said tartly.

Aloy waggled her eyebrows at him. “But you looked so comfortable.”

A blush rose to cover his face and Nil laughed, squeezing the hand he had yet to let go of. Feeling more confident than he had all night despite the teasing - or perhaps because of it - Avad wrapped his free arm around Aloy’s waist and dragged her in close against him. Grasping the lapels of his jacket, Aloy lifted up on her toes to smack a kiss on his lips. When she moved back it was only to wrap her hand around the back of Nil’s neck and drag the taller man down to meet her lips as well. 

Avad watched his eyes widen in surprise and flick over to meet his before he kissed her back softly. His heart stuttered watching the two of them, however brief the kiss was. The jealousy he assumed Nil had been looking for didn’t surface. Instead, that heat that had been simmering the entire span of the date flared to life and Avad fumbled for his keys. Much as he didn’t mind the idea of acting on it, he didn’t want to do that in a public parking lot. 

Thankfully, the two of them pulled apart and no one protested as they made their way to the car. Once inside, a comfortable silence settled over them and Avad drove them back towards their apartment.

“So, is this the end of our date?”

Nil’s voice was casual, but Avad caught what might have been a hint of disappointment and he couldn’t help but empathize. Despite the terrible movie choice, it had been a wonderful night and he didn’t want it to end. His eyes flicked up to catch green-gold ones in the rearview mirror. 

“Did you have something else in mind?” Aloy asked for him. She wasn’t teasing or being seductive, just curiosity tinging her voice - and perhaps a bit of that melancholy too. 

“I was able to stop by a store this week. It’s not top shelf, but I have plenty of alcohol at my place if you want to have a drink.” 

“Yes,” Avad said decisively. “That sounds perfect.” 

It was dark when Avad pulled into their parking lot. The sun was long gone and they had spent several hours together but not a single bit of sleepiness invaded Avad’s awareness. Instead, he felt almost too awake, too aware of the way he moved and especially the people walking beside him. 

_Just a drink,_ he thought to himself. It was only their first real date and Avad had to stop thinking of the way Nil made him feel before he got ahead of himself. 

Ignoring their own apartment, Aloy and Avad followed Nil to his door. Opening it, Nil held it wide with a flourish as he let them in. It still looked as if he was still moving in, boxes scattered a few places throughout the space. Avad spied his bow hanging in the middle of the living room wall, surrounded by band posters and some eccentric pieces of art.

And there, on the other side of the room, was Nil’s cam setup. His desk and computer, the gaming chair they had seen him in countless times, his ring light and camera- heat rose to cover his face and Avad looked away quickly. 

They’d managed to avoid asking Nil what he did for a living - miraculously - because Nil wasn’t the type to lie about that and he wasn’t sure he could hide what he knew when he told them. Seeing the spot they had watched him in for mere minutes only yesterday made him realize he was never going to be able to handle this smoothly.

Looking over to Aloy, he found her in little better condition. Her eyes darted back to that spot even as she wandered over to examine a twisted metal sculpture in the opposite corner. 

“I’d give you the grand tour but it’s pretty much all you can see. I haven’t had the time to decorate it like you have yours.” Nil moved towards his kitchen, snagging a bottle of wine off the counter on his way to the glasses. 

He’d bought wine. They hadn’t even planned this and Nil had bought wine. 

Guilt pierced Avad as he tried to wrestle with the thoughtfulness of that gesture and his own shame at not having told Nil what they knew. 

Tearing his eyes away from the camera once again, he found Nil already watching him. His heart skipped a beat but Nil just smiled slightly. 

“If you’re wondering about that, it’s because I cam.”

“C-cam?” Avad managed to ask. 

He laughed before answering him. “Yeah, camming is…” 

Avad watched as he trailed off, looking back and forth between himself and Aloy, now standing close to him and unusually quiet. He watched as realization lit in Nil’s bright eyes, followed by an emotion that flickered so fast that Avad didn’t have time to name it. 

“You watch my cams, don’t you.”

It wasn’t a question, but Avad answered anyway. “Yes, we do.”


	6. I Wish I Would Never Hurt Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Avad and Aloy's admission, how will Nil react? How do they move forward from here?
> 
> Chapter title is from The Camper Velorium II: Backend of Forever by Coheed and Cambria.
> 
> TWO art pieces this week, both courtesy of Kittleskittle and I ADORE them ❤️
> 
> Figured I'd post a couple days early since the last cliffhanger was pretty mean 😜

Emptiness yawned inside of him as Nil watched the guilt and relief play across their faces. 

They were so readable it was almost funny. And that made the fact that he hadn’t realized this even worse. He wasn’t ashamed of Shadow - far from it. Being Shadow not only paid his bills but also gave him a sense of connection to people that he had never really received before. 

Finding out people he knew watched him as Shadow shouldn’t be an issue. It shouldn’t, and yet- It was the fact that it was _these two_ who watched him. And hadn’t told him. Why would they care - or think that he would care - if he knew they watched? 

Oh.

_Oh._

Nil watched as the blush built in Avad’s cheeks and as Aloy fidgeted next to him. If he had learned anything about these two in the last week, it was that they were extraordinarily good people. Far too good to tell him that all they wanted out of him was sex. 

He shouldn’t be surprised. Just because he felt something didn’t mean they did. And however well the night had gone… Biting the inside of his cheek, Nil forced down the emotions threatening to spill over, emotions he couldn’t dwell on. 

Forcing a smirk, he said, “It’s not every day I go on a date with someone who’s already seen me naked.”

Just as he’d known he would, Avad got even redder. Aloy let out a laugh that was caught somewhere between true amusement and a sigh. Tension still hung in the air and he loathed it. They had never been put off by his odd brand of humor or the way he spoke or his eyes and Nil would do anything to get rid of this tension. 

Wrenching his gaze from the unsteady looks they were still giving him, the bright yellow in Avad’s bow tie caught his eye. It was patterned with suns and another realization almost threatened to knock him over. 

A harsh laugh escaped him before he could stop it and when they looked at him, alarmed, he just pointed at Avad and said, “Sunking69.” 

Those beautiful brown eyes widened almost comically and this time the color leached from his face. “How did you know?” he whispered. 

A more genuine smile formed and Nil shook his head. “Polite enough to make me feel as if I was taking my clothes off for a prince.” Avad stuttered but Nil had turned to look at Aloy. “Which would make you seeker420.”

Aloy shrugged, less embarrassed than her boyfriend. Still, caution lurked in her gaze and when she stepped forward to lay her hand on his arm, Nil held back a flinch at her warmth. 

“We didn’t want to lie to you about that, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, little huntress. I imagine it’s odd to meet someone you’ve only ever seen online. And it certainly explains Avad’s reaction to me the first time we met.” The shocked look in his eyes and the way he had stared at him, at his lips. Pain lanced through him and Nil suppressed it again. 

“Nil, we-” 

“It’s fine, Avad. I promise.” He turned his back on them to grab several glasses down from one of his cabinets. Silence reigned as he pulled out a mini corkscrew from one of the drawers, opening the bottle of red with a rough jerk and a loud pop. “If anything, this makes it easier. You already know what I do for a living.” 

Uneasiness still lingered in their expressions when he turned back to set the glasses before them. Taking his own glass, Nil downed half of it in one go before asking with a deliberately light tone, “You won’t judge me for it?”

Silent no more, the two spoke over each other to assure him that they wouldn’t and Nil found a genuine laugh leaving his lips. Teasing them was familiar territory - he could handle that. Besides, now they were both red and flustered and they looked cute like that.

If the only thing he was going to get from them was friendship and sex, well, he could live with that. 

Aloy hadn’t touched her wine yet but Avad downed most of his in a move that mirrored Nil’s first drink. Reaching out, Nil touched the edge of his glass. “Relax, no need to make yourself sick.”

Snorting, Aloy flicked his own glass. “You’re one to talk, tough guy.”

Nil smirked at her and felt the tension begin to seep out from between them. An ache still lingered within him but for now he chose to focus on the two who had caused it. He could mourn his own stupidity later. 

“Did you not like the wine?” he asked her. 

“I haven’t even tried it yet, calm down.” Cradling her glass in both hands, Aloy took a cautious sip. Nil and Avad watched while she tilted her head, her nose scrunched up in concentration. Finally, she proclaimed, “Yeah, no, what else do you have?”

Both men burst out laughing, even more so when Aloy dumped the rest of her glass into theirs. When Nil didn’t answer her, she flounced around the counter to open his fridge. She moved like she owned the place and Nil couldn’t help but admire that ferocity. When she grabbed one of the stouts he’d stashed away, she sauntered back over, hiking her skirt up enough to let her hop up onto one of the bar stools.

Nil didn’t hide the fact that he checked out the length of her legs, exposed when she crossed them. When his eyes finally wandered back up, her smug smile let him know she had seen and didn’t mind one bit. Avad slid onto the stool next to her and Nil settled his elbows on the counter opposite them, head propped up on one hand as he glanced between them. 

“So we’ve technically known each other for a little longer than a week,” he mused. 

Avad ran a hand through his curls before answering. “A lot longer than a week, in my case.” 

“You want me to go get the cat ears out?” Nil teased. Avad choked on his sip of wine and that was reward enough for him as he coughed until his airway cleared. 

“Hey,” Aloy protested, “those cat ears are sentimental now. That was the first session of yours that I watched.” 

That ache pulsed painfully close to his heart but Nil didn’t give it any ground. Grasping for anything to distract himself, his eyes caught on Avad. Focusing on satisfying a different ache would have to do for now. 

A lingering drop of wine had beaded on Avad’s lip and Nil brushed his thumb over it before bringing it to his own mouth. Deep brown eyes were locked on his fingers as he did so and Avad sucked in a breath when Nil let his tongue linger over his own skin. 

“You two will be the death of me,” Avad muttered. 

“Did you want it back?” 

Before he could answer, Nil leaned over the counter. Dragging Avad closer by that bright scrap of fabric tied around his neck, Nil licked right into his mouth. Letting out a strangled moan, the other man kissed him back just as hard. By the time Nil pulled back, both were short of breath and the wine was a faint memory on his tongue.

“Can I get one of those?” Aloy asked. She’d shifted half off of her stool and was almost pressed up against Avad, her eyes shining gold as the light hit them when she turned to look at Nil. 

Nil licked his lip slowly before smirking at her. “Feeling left out?”

An answering pout. “Yes.”

“You know,” he said. “We could always take this to a more comfortable spot. Unfortunately though, my bed might be too small for all of us.” Nil gazed at the wall, letting out a forlorn sigh before sneaking a glance back at them. 

His teasing had the right effect and the two of them were exchanging a loaded glance. Unsurprisingly, it was Aloy who said with mock thoughtfulness, “Well, we do have a very big bed.” 

***

Nil thanked every god he didn’t believe in that they only lived down the hall. Even so, they stole kisses every few steps and by the time Avad was unlocking their front door, Nil had Aloy pinned to the wall beside it. 

“Indecency laws,” she gasped as his lips descended down her throat. 

“You don’t seem like the type to care about decency or laws.” 

“That’s fair- _oh!”_ Nil got one good bite in on her neck before Avad tugged them both into the apartment. 

They stumbled in the dark for a moment before Aloy found the light switch by memory. Catching their breath, each of them tugged off their jackets and shoes, but before long, their hands were back on each other and tugging at their remaining clothes. 

Nil felt almost overwhelmed at the attention they paid him. He had assumed that he would be somewhat on the outside looking in, but it was the opposite. Two sets of hands ran along his skin as they stripped him of his shirt and jeans, warm and steady. Avad planted himself in front of him, his hands gripping his waist as Nil kissed the living daylight out of him. Threading his fingers through that long, curly hair, Nil tugged slightly, gratified by the broken moan that escaped his mouth. 

Not to be outdone, Aloy was pressed up behind him and he could feel the heat of her stomach and breasts on his back, interrupted only by the scratch of her lace bra against his skin. The contrast of her silky skin and the rough lace drove him wild and he wished that it were possible to kiss two people at once. Instead, he felt her lips trace against his spine, her nails trailing lightly over his ribs and around to toy at the rings piercing his nipples. Unable to help himself, he growled against Avad’s lips. 

Vaguely remembering which direction their bedroom was, Nil pushed him back towards it. He kept his lips on him the entire time, dragging each new moan out with pleasure. Aloy disappeared from behind him and he missed her heat for a second before he saw her flaming hair pass by out of the corner of his eye on her way to open the bedroom door. 

Far too long after he’d first kissed him, they finally made it to the bed. Once they were close enough, Nil gave Avad a little push until he sat on the edge, propping himself up with his hands behind him. He took a moment to admire the view - Avad’s flushed skin, heavy breaths coming fast, and his cock now straining at the confinement of his fancy slacks - before he turned to find Aloy. 

While they had been making out, Aloy had pulled off her kerchief and necklaces, leaving her hair wild and the skin from her neck to her cleavage bare of anything except a dusting of freckles. A matching pair of lacy blue bra and panties were the only things she wore and Nil let his eyes wander the length of her pale skin. He didn’t get more than a moment to look before she stretched up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck and drag him down. 

Aloy took no prisoners when she kissed, though he’d learned that the first time. Eager and warm against him, she jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist and Nil barely caught her, laughing as he balanced them both. His laugh died soon enough, when she ground herself against his hips, her core pressing down on his aching cock. 

“So eager, fierce one.” 

“Stop talking and kiss me,” she growled, before claiming his lips. 

He’d let her claim him forever, he thought, as her tongue drove into his mouth. The woman kissed like none other, passionate and all-consuming, and Nil lost himself in it. His fingers dug into the soft skin of her ass as she undulated against him and he lifted his other hand to grip the back of her neck and keep her close. 

A strangled moan from beside them reached his ears but he couldn’t bear to pull away from her yet. Instead, he took a last step towards the bed and turned to fall back on it next to Avad. Jolted by the sudden change, Aloy’s hands flew to his shoulders and she broke the kiss, laughing. 

With Aloy now splayed out on his lap, Nil reclined back on his elbows to stretch out. One leg hitched up onto the bed beneath him, Avad had turned to face them both. His hands were twisted in the comforter between them, though Nil sat close enough that his fingers were almost brushing against his side. Dark brown eyes seared into him from lowered lids as Avad’s gaze tracked down the length of his torso, touching on his piercings and the dips of his abs before settling on where Aloy sat on top of him. 

Lowering his voice, Nil asked, “So, how do you want to do this?”

Wrenching his eyes back to Nil’s, Avad blinked. “How?”

The obvious confusion made his lips quirk up and he glanced at Aloy to find her smothering a smile of her own. She tugged on a curl that kept falling in front of Avad’s face before tucking it behind his ear. “Three people is a little harder to negotiate.” 

Nil hummed a little. “Not harder, just more interesting.” Shifting to rest on one arm, he reached out with the other to pull Avad close. Brushing his lips against his cheek before kissing the spot below his ear, he asked, “Would you like me to fuck you while Aloy rides your pretty face? Or do you want to watch me fuck her while you fill her smart mouth?” 

Avad’s breath left him in a harsh moan before he kissed him roughly. Nil returned the kiss, but he made sure to set the pace. Slowing the movements of his tongue and lips, he refused to let Avad go as fast or hard as he wanted. The result was a needy little groan that made Nil want to fuck him just as slowly. 

His own concentration almost broke when Aloy rocked against him. Leaning down, she nipped at his neck before she started sucking marks into his skin. Leveraging his weight, Nil pushed up to meet her the next time she ground down and the whimper she let out was almost as satisfying as it would have been if he was actually inside her. 

Impatience finally won out and Nil broke his kiss with Avad. “Make a choice yet?” He knew his voice was rough but he couldn’t stop himself as he felt all the tension of the last week and the last few hours coil tight inside him. 

“Honestly, all I want right now is to be touching you, it doesn’t much matter to me how.” 

It was the rawness in his voice that drove Nil over the edge. He shared a look with Aloy and at her nod, he slid her off of him to his other side. He mourned the loss of her heat, but lust burned through his veins at the thought of what came next. 

Slipping off the bed, Nil knelt gracefully on the floor in front of Avad. Tugging at him until he complied, he pulled his hips to the edge so that he was settled between his legs. Crawling across the bed, Aloy knelt behind him, leaving Avad trapped between the two of them. Conscious of Avad’s gaze glued to his face, his first kiss brushed across the inside of his right knee, the next an inch higher. And higher and higher, until his lips met the edge of his briefs and he pulled back to do the same on his left thigh. 

When he reached the silky fabric again, he curled his fingers over the waist of them and tugged. Avad canted his hips up to help and Nil almost groaned as his cock slipped out. Avad was already hard, his cock leaking a little at the tip, and he couldn’t help the little lick he gave him as he finished pulling his briefs off and tossed them away. 

Avad groaned and arched against Aloy. When he looked up, Nil found that her hands were already busy, tweaking at his nipples as she kissed the side of his neck. Despite her attentions, her vibrant eyes were also on Nil and the sight of the two of them above him like that almost had him coming on the spot. 

Thankfully, he had better control of himself than that. Lifting a brow at Aloy, Nil asked, “Lube?”

He didn’t miss how Avad’s erection twitched at the word, but he ignored that as Aloy blindly swiped her hand beside her until she grabbed a bottle and held it out to him. She was already grinning at him when he responded. 

“Girl Scouts?”

“Always be prepared,” she countered back smugly. 

“Minx.” He would fully enjoy making her a stuttering mess later too. But for now, he took the bottle from her without further teasing and set it on the floor next to him. 

Settling back into his spot, Nil slipped his hands under Avad’s legs to tug them up over his shoulders. He heard his breath hitch and Nil looked up to meet his eyes as he took the head of his cock in his mouth. Avad’s concentration didn’t last long, his eyes rolling up when Nil licked at him before sucking hard. 

Pulling the pleasure from him, Nil worked slowly, stroking with one hand as his mouth moved up and down his length as far as he could. Finally, when Avad was worked up and panting, he let his hand drop to pick up the bottle Aloy had given him. The lube was cold to the touch so Nil waited until it warmed against his skin before reaching up to trail a finger down Avad’s length until he reached his destination.

Avad was tight, but as Nil worked first one, then two, fingers inside him, he relaxed into his touch. Continuing to pump his fingers, fucking him slowly with them, Nil pulled his mouth off Avad’s cock to grin at a certain flushed redhead. 

“Aloy,” he purred. “Will I find a strap somewhere in here with your name on it?”

One of her hands snuck down to wrap around Avad’s cock even as she sent him a sly smile. “More than one.” 

Nil groaned at the image that formed in his mind of Aloy fucking Avad into the bed, and again when he thought of her doing the same to him. He hadn’t thought it possible, but he hardened even more so he shoved away the fantasy to focus on the man currently rocking forward to meet his thrusts. 

Finding that little spot inside him, Nil curled his fingers until Avad whimpered. “Please-”

“Please what?” Nil turned his head to brush a kiss to the inside of his thigh. 

Opening his eyes, Avad looked down at him with teary eyes. “I need you, Nil.”

He’d been planning on teasing him more but those words tore through him and he changed his mind. Slipping out from Avad, he stood to strip his own briefs off, earning a groan from both of his bedmates. Sometimes Nil forgot that he moved so smoothly, his time spent camming coming to good use as he preened a little under their gazes. Stooping to grab the bottle at his feet, he poured more on his hand before smoothing it over his cock. He hadn’t waited for the liquid to warm up but the cool touch against his heated skin felt amazing and his eyes fluttered closed as he stroked himself a couple times. 

“Nil-”

“God, please-”

Aloy and Avad spoke over each other, their voices strained and needy. When he opened his eyes, he found her hand had halted its motions and the both of them looked about ready to jump him where he stood. He let a little cocky grin slip out before closing that last foot to press against Avad. 

Tilting his chin up with the hand that wasn’t still stroking his own erection, Nil kissed Avad softly. He let the kiss stay slow and gentle while he guided himself to Avad’s entrance. Pushing just enough that the tip of his cock slid inside him, Nil halted to let him adjust. 

Apparently, the consideration was unneeded as Avad lifted his legs to wrap them around his waist and pull him closer. Letting loose a guttural moan, Nil complied, sinking in further and further until he was hilted inside of him. Both of his hands lifted to cradle Avad’s neck and he kissed him fiercely before pulling out slow and pushing back in harder. 

Avad whimpered at the languid thrusts, his fingers tightly clutching at Nil’s waist. He felt hot and perfect around him and Nil had to stop kissing him before he lost himself too early. Pulling back just a little, he met Aloy’s eyes. Her mouth was buried against the skin of Avad’s shoulder, one hand still tight around his cock and the other hidden from view. From the way she was rocking against her boyfriend, he had no doubts as to what it was busy doing. 

Her movements reminded him of his words earlier and he pushed against Avad’s chest. “Aloy love, he needs something to do with that mouth of his, don’t you think?”

With a devilish smile, Aloy slid out from behind him to let Nil push him the rest of the way flat. It let him hit deeper inside him on his next thrust and Avad cried out, writhing underneath him, clutching at the covers. Hooking his hands on his hips, Nil pulled him to meet his next push, fucking into him harder and deeper with every one. Sweat glistened on his golden-brown skin and Nil leaned down to lick at it, loving the taste of him as he moved inside of him. 

Beside them, Aloy had shifted to slip off her panties, too impatient to get off the bed to do so. She gave Avad a quick kiss and murmured something low to him before pulling back to swing one of her thighs over to the other side of his head. Nil watched, dazed, as Avad’s hands slipped over her thighs, tugging her down until he could lick a broad stroke over her slit. 

Aloy cried out now, ecstasy written across her face as she ground down to meet his tongue. Absently, Nil realized he had stopped moving, too enthralled by the vision before him to be bothered by it. Avad tilted his head to suck at Aloy’s clit and she threw out her hands to steady herself on his chest. Gold-green eyes met his and Nil groaned, unable to stop himself from reaching out to drag her closer so that he could kiss her completely senseless. 

But she caught him by surprise, biting his lip hard before rocking her hips even rougher against Avad’s mouth. Pulling back from Nil, she reached behind herself to unhook her bra and throw it away. Keeping her eyes locked on his, Aloy let her hands wander over her own body. Soft but corded with muscle, her fingers lingered everywhere his would; the curve of her waist, brushing over the little patch of curls where her fingers brushed Avad’s chin, before trailing up to cup her pert breasts. 

Watching her ride Avad’s face was almost more than he could bear and Nil’s cock throbbed. Reminded of his own ache, Nil pulled out and thrust back into him, letting his need guide him as Avad arched beneath them both, his cries muffled against Aloy’s skin. Wilder than before, he fucked into him, his control unraveling as he watched Aloy touch herself until she was shaking on unsteady knees. 

Growling, Nil reached out to cover her hand with his own. She was so wet that his fingers were soaked immediately and he groaned as he found her little bundle of nerves. Avad’s tongue brushed up against him and it was the combination of their touches that sent her over her edge. Nil smothered her cry with a kiss, reveling in the way her hips stuttered and jerked as she rode out her climax. 

When he pulled back, Aloy slipped off of Avad, collapsing next to them. The evidence of her pleasure glistened on his lips and goatee and Nil leaned down to capture those lips, needing to know how she tasted. Avad met him eagerly, the combination of him and her lingering on his tongue driving Nil so close to the edge that he had to pull back before he lost himself. 

Determined to see him come undone first, Nil wrapped his fingers around Avad’s cock. He matched his own pace, stroking him mercilessly as his thrusts sped up. He didn’t let up even when his inner muscles clenched around his cock, not until after Avad shouted his name and spent himself in Nil’s hand. Though he let his hand gentle and slow, he pounded into him rougher, chasing his own release. 

It wasn’t until Aloy shifted beside him and brought her lips to his that he finally let go. She returned the favor he had given her, kissing him sweetly through his finish as he emptied himself inside of her boyfriend. Tears pricked behind his eyes and he let them close as he broke the kiss to slump over Avad, resting his forehead on his chest and breathing hard. 

He felt himself slip out and he knew he should go grab something to clean them all off with but for now he was content just to stay like this. Aloy had slightly different plans though.

“Get up here,” she demanded while tugging at his arm. Smiling tiredly, Nil pushed up onto the bed to fall between the two of them.

“Just give me a couple minutes…” he said, trailing off as the long day caught up with him and sleep seeped into the edges of his consciousness. 

He felt someone tugging at his hair tie to let his hair fall loose around his face before they threaded their fingers through the strands. Murmuring voices and a different pair of hands armed with a cool cloth gliding over his skin were the last things he was aware of before drifting off. 

***

It was still dark when Nil jolted awake in an unfamiliar bed. 

The room was quiet but for the sounds of breathing and Nil found Aloy and Avad cuddled beside him. Memories from the previous night came rushing back and his heart seized as he watched them sleeping peacefully. He’d accidentally fallen asleep. 

But for the covers thrown over them, all three were still naked and Aloy’s arm was thrown over his waist. Reaching out, he ran his fingertips across her face, marveling at the softness of her skin and how small she looked when she wasn’t awake and captivating him with those bright eyes.

Tucked behind her, Avad’s face was pressed against her mass of hair and Nil wasn’t quite sure how he was breathing. Smiling sadly, he pushed a few braids over her neck so that he could see his face. Those calm features were relaxed and absent the anxiety that had plagued him during their date the night before. Both of them so beautiful that his heart ached at what he had to do.

All he wanted was to go back to sleep, to cuddle into their warmth and stay until it was morning. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it when they woke and asked him to leave, so instead he slipped off the side of the bed. The cold air stung him as he began quietly gathering his discarded clothes and shrugged them on as fast as he could. 

Once he was dressed, he stopped at the door to their bedroom and looked back. Moonlight filtered through the window and highlighted their sleeping forms and he wished once again that things could be different. 

But they weren’t, so he slipped out of their room silently. Hesitating at the front door, Nil backtracked to their kitchen and pulled down the magnetized notepad on the fridge. Tearing off a sheet, he dug around in the drawers for a minute before he found a pen. He put pen to paper but then stopped, unsure what to even say to them. He didn’t want to just leave without a word - as much as he might wish it didn’t, last night had meant far too much to him for that. 

Finally, he started writing, giving the excuse he might have accepted in their place. He put the sheet in the middle of the counter, where they’d be sure to find it in the morning when they emerged from the bedroom. Nil stared at it for a moment longer, regret simmering underneath his skin, before turning towards the door, leaving their apartment for his own. 

He was only halfway there when the tears that had built up started to fall and he cursed himself as he struggled to get his key in the lock. When he finally got inside, he threw his keys in the vague direction of the counter and walked blindly until he fell on his own bed. Burying his face in the pillow, he fought back the pain and the tears until he was gasping. 

_Stupid. So fucking stupid to think you were worth caring about._

The voice was not his own so he shoved it back, focusing on taking deep breaths and desperately searching for something else to think about. The only thought that came to mind was that his bedsheets didn’t smell like them and that hole in his heart got that much bigger. 

Nil spent the rest of the early morning hours tossing and turning, fighting to find sleep that escaped him every time he remembered he was alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For in the morning, should they wake up  
> I'll see them precious in their sleep
> 
> -Mother May I, Coheed and Cambria
> 
> Only, (oh where have you been, oh where have you been, oh where have you been if it hurts you'll be forgiven) I cry all all alone with your taste on tongue  
> Should we try things again with hope  
> Hope isn't lost, give up the ghost  
> Or should I die all alone as I knew I would
> 
> -The Suffering, Coheed and Cambria


	7. Good Morning Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after and Aloy and Avad wake up without Nil. Despite misunderstanding their intentions, Nil continues to see them and the three settle into a routine over the next few weeks as they grow closer. 
> 
> Beautiful art this week is by Kittleskittle and chapter title is lyrics from Junesong Provision by Coheed and Cambria!

Consciousness came slowly to Aloy, as it always did on those rare days when she got to sleep in. A familiar warmth pressed against her back and she smiled as she felt Avad stir. Reaching out for the other person who should be in their bed, she found only cold sheets. 

Aloy opened her eyes to find that Nil was indeed gone. The place he had lain was long empty and the silence from the rest of their apartment made something inside her ache. She had hoped to wake up with him. Sighing, she turned her back on the offending lack and burrowed into Avad. 

“He’s gone,” she whispered. 

Avad mumbled, too low for her to hear, and his hand came up to brush her hair back. She felt his lips brush over her temple. “He probably had something important to take care of, sweetheart.”

“Probably,” she replied, though her acquiescence sounded weak even to her own ears. 

Despite her efforts to relax and stay in bed, the anxious discomfort grew and Aloy finally flung the sheets off herself with a groan. Pushing herself out of bed, she strode to the bathroom to begin her day far earlier than she wanted to. When she was finished weaving several braids in her hair, she came back out to find Avad sprawled on his stomach, fast asleep once again. Smiling softly, she bent over to brush her lips over his cheek, light enough that he barely stirred. Deciding to let him sleep in, she slipped on a pair of sweats and one of his shirts before leaving their bedroom. 

Her stomach grumbled as she made her way to the kitchen and she was tempted to go back on her decision and wake him up to make her breakfast. Before she could even open the fridge, a scrap of colorful paper caught her eye and she saw the note left on the counter. Relief pulsed through her, easing some of the tension she had woken up to. 

_Dearest Avad & Aloy,_

_I forgot I had some errands to run today so I’ll be gone when you wake. Thank you for last night, you were both wonderful and I had more fun than I have in a long time._

_Yours,_   
_Nil_

Aloy brushed her thumb over the words and she forgave him just a little for leaving in the middle of the night. It had taken her a while to learn how to read other people and she still struggled sometimes, but even she could tell Nil wasn’t exactly used to affection. She would have rather he had woken them and talked about it, but she could give him the time to adjust. If she knew one thing after last night, it was that she would be more than willing to let him go at his own pace. 

Slipping the note under a magnet on their fridge, Aloy stared at it for a moment longer before she began to throw together breakfast. Once she was settled at the table with her food, she grabbed her phone.

**Aloy (7:42am):** _we missed you this morning, you’re welcome to spend the whole night next time_

**Aloy (7:45am):** _if you want a next time_

**Aloy (7:45am):** _what I mean is would you like to see us again?_

Red up to her ears and wishing there was some way to delete texts, Aloy waited, miserably chewing her toast, until her phone chirped. 

**Nil (8:04am):** _I think that’s pretty inevitable given that I live down the hall from you_

**Aloy (8:05am):** _smartass you know what I meant_

**Nil (8:08am):** _hm assumptions might get you into trouble one day_

**Nil (8:09am):** _but I’m free on Thursday_

When Avad finally emerged from their room, rubbing sleep from his eyes, he found Aloy curled up on the couch, smiling as she texted. 

***

Weeks passed and over time Nil began spending more and more time at their apartment. Aloy got used to him coming over in the evening, eating and talking with them. They went to the range together and those trips would have been the highlight of each week if it weren’t for the nights he spent with them.

Amazingly hot, fantastic nights. Shadow didn’t even do him justice; Nil was attentive and giving and she loved to tease him until he fucked her hard. They were so exhausted lately from the lack of sleep that on the nights he didn’t spend with them, she and Avad both collapsed into bed at the end of the evening. 

The only damper on her joy was that he had yet to spend the whole night with them. They always woke to find him gone, the bed cold where he had slept for just a little while. He didn’t talk about his past much, deftly steered them away from that when they touched on it, but she knew he must have been hurt badly. He had more scars than most and she had yet to ask about them, knowing he most likely wouldn’t answer. Subtlety wasn’t her strong suit but Aloy tried to drop hints that they would listen. She wasn’t sure if he just didn’t get them or if he wasn’t ready to talk - they had only known each other for a few weeks after all, though it had felt much longer with the amount of time they spent together. 

It was on one of those quiet evenings, with all of them sprawled on the couch watching a movie, that she was hard pressed to keep from asking. 

Aloy was curled up in between the boys, settled back into the couch with Avad’s head on her lap and Nil’s arm slung along the back of the couch behind her. He was slouched over just slightly, his long legs stretched out to rest on the coffee table while he toyed with her hair absently. Avad’s eyes were closed but he was practically mouthing every line in time with the actors. 

“Bender, did you know without trigonometry there’d be no engineering?”

“Without lamps there’d be no light!”

Nil made a disgusted grunt when Claire commented and Aloy looked over to find his lip slightly curled. Nudging him with an elbow, she asked, “What?”

“I never liked Claire much.” 

Laughing, Aloy leaned into him a little harder. “Don’t like princesses?” 

Nil gave her a crooked grin before focusing back on the screen as Claire brought out her lipstick. He waved his free hand at the mess unfolding. “It’s not princesses, it’s _this_ princess. She and Bender spend most of the movie screaming at each other and making assumptions.”

Shifting so that he could look up at both of them, Avad responded, “That’s the point though, isn’t it? They break down those assumptions by the end and bridge that gap.” 

Aloy looked at him curiously as he watched the scene play out. “Do you think Bender should have ended up with someone else?” 

“They’re teenagers; he doesn’t have to end up with anyone,” he said tartly. But he spoiled it with his sly grin as he followed it up with, “But I think he should’ve gotten together with Brian.”

He startled a laugh out of both of them and soon enough they were comparing the different pairings Breakfast Club could have ended with, getting more boisterous with every observation. 

“Okay, okay, but we all know it should have ended with them all together,” Avad conceded, after having defended Bender and Claire once again. 

“That’s fair,” Aloy said, tugging on his hair as she absently braided it.

“Alas, it was the 80s and they wouldn’t even be able to consider a gay couple,” Nil mourned. 

She shot him a wry smile. “Let alone a polyamorous group, that’s for sure.”

They settled for a moment, watching again as the movie wound down. The famous speech played and they watched as the screen froze and Avad let out a peaceful sigh. It was his choice tonight, and one of his favorites and Aloy smiled down at him fondly. 

None of them moved to put on a new movie, content to listen to the music as the credits played. Finally, it was Nil who broke the silence, reaching across to tap his finger on her hand. 

“Could you do that with my hair?”

Aloy looked down to find that she had once again been braiding Avad’s hair absently. She’d been braiding her own hair for so long that it was second nature to her and he was used to it. Looking back up to meet Nil’s eyes, she saw a tentative kind of curiosity lingering in their grey depths. Smiling softly at him, she asked, “Will you let me? I’ve been wanting to for ages.” 

A quiet Nil just nodded and Aloy pushed her other lover off her lap, much to his disgruntlement. She tapped the floor in front of her with a foot and spread her knees so he could settle between them. With Avad settled to her right, Aloy scooted to the front of the couch so she could tug the hair band out of Nil’s locks. 

Messy black hair spilled from its bun and he groaned when Aloy ran her fingers through it, trying to comb out the tangles. For hair much straighter than Avad’s curly mess, she would have guessed it would tangle less easily but that was apparently a false impression. As she gently smoothed his hair out, she mused, “My father would always braid my hair when I was younger. He taught me as I got older but I kept begging him to do it even after I learned how to do it myself. It was one of my favorite things.”

Avad reached out to tuck one of her own little braids behind an ear before placing a kiss on her cheek. She smiled at him sweetly before returning her attention to the task before her.

“Did he pass?” Nil asked quietly as she separated his hair into sections. 

Aloy laughed. “No, he’s still around. He was just never that good at showing emotions, still not the best. Braiding my hair was a reason for me to get some closeness from him that I never really got otherwise. It’s… intimate, and I loved it when he would let me get away with it.”

His hair braided easily, and she just followed the natural path of his mohawk as she did a simple french braid down to the nape of his neck. She took her time, smoothing it as she went and letting her short nails scrape softly against his scalp. Nil groaned softly again, pressing back against her legs and the couch more fully and she felt him relax. 

“No one’s ever done this for me before…” 

Surprise jolted through her but Aloy did her best to keep her fingers stable. _No one?_ “Not even your mom?”

Sleepily, Nil said, “She died when I was young.”

Avad’s heartbreak showed on his face when she glanced at him and she was sure she looked much the same. He wasn’t alone in that. 

“Mine did too,” she whispered. 

Nil shifted, as if unsure of what to say, but Avad added, “As did mine.”

A soft laugh and then, “That’s a shitty club to be a part of.” 

Aloy smiled at the back of his head, giving the braid in her hands a tug in retaliation, just hard enough that he mockingly complained. 

Finishing off the braid she looked to find Nil already holding out his hair band. Taking it, she slipped it over the end of the braid before letting it fall to rest against the nape of his neck. 

“There, all done.”

Reaching up, Nil skimmed a hand gently over the braid, as if touching it too hard would make it unravel. Shifting to face them, he cocked his head and arched his back into a little pose. “So? How do I look?”

Laughing, Aloy surveyed her work. It was a good braid if she did say so herself. And it did look great on him, like one of those viking show haircuts with his fade on the sides. “It looks amazing, you peacock.”

Avad snorted but Nil took it in stride. “Of course I’m a peacock, it’s literally my job to look good.” 

Nudging his shoulder, Aloy said, “You should go look at it for yourself.”

“I’ll take your word for it, huntress.” He’d kept calling her that when they went to the archery range and the nickname had stuck. If she were being honest, Aloy quite liked the way he said it. Seriously, as if it were her true role, but still somehow more than a little teasing. Seemingly comfortable on the floor, Nil slouched against the couch, his arm coming up to rest on her thigh. His other hand came up to feel at the unfamiliar braid again. “It doesn’t feel as if any of my hair is escaping, which is a small miracle.” 

“It’s a french braid,” she explained. “It’s supposed to keep all of your hair woven in.”

Nil considered that for a moment. “Maybe I’ll keep it in while I cam later, it might be useful.”

The idea of him wearing her braid while he cammed caused heat to rise inside her but it was Avad who spoke, his voice pitched just a little lower than normal. 

“Your viewers would probably love that. I know I would.” 

Nil sent him a look. “Are you implying that you’re _not_ one of my viewers anymore?”

Pink tinged Avad’s cheeks and Aloy waited to let him answer, loving the way Nil could still fluster him. “We, ah, haven’t watched since we met you.” 

One pierced eyebrow rose and he looked between them. “I had noticed that. The last time you were on was my first cam after I moved here.” 

Now Aloy felt a blush start to form on her own face. “We weren’t sure if we should or not and then you started talking about us - or at least, we assumed it was us and-”

“It was entirely about you. Let me guess, you freaked out and logged off?” Avad hung his head and Nil laughed, having yet again read them so easily. “I don’t mind if you watch me, you know.”

Avad reached out to brush his fingertips over Nil’s hand, shifting closer to them when he did. “We know. But we enjoy talking to you and seeing you here much more than we ever did watching you cam.” 

Blinking up at him, Nil’s mouth hung open for a moment before he swallowed hard. Aloy bit back a fond smile, not wanting him to think she was laughing at him. They hadn’t spent enough time together to catch him off guard very often but she loved when they did. 

Flustered, it took him another second to respond, his usual smirk rising to take its place. “Well at least I won’t have to wear the cat ears again.” 

With a pained gasp, Avad covered his face with his hands before falling back and grabbing a pillow to replace them. Aloy on the other hand was in stitches, hand clutching at Nil’s shoulder as he joined in her mirth. 

“Oh come one,” she managed to say finally. “One of your hundreds of followers had to have liked them when you wore them.” 

“Thousands, thank you very much. And a disturbing amount of people actually, I’ve already had a couple dozen requests to put them on again.”

Aloy gaped at him. _“Thousands?”_

A smug smile graced his lips and Nil replied, “Thousands. They don’t all log on for every session, of course, but they’re there.”

“That’s so many people. How does that even happen?” Shock stilled her but she saw Avad peek out from behind his pillow to watch Nil too as he considered the question. 

“I’ve been camming for a few years so the longevity helps.” He shrugged. “I pay attention to what they want and I keep to my limits. Otherwise, it just kind of happened.”

Curiosity finally beat out embarrassment and Avad sat back up. “But you figured out who I was right away. How could you know that with thousands of followers?”

Propping his chin up on his hand, Nil gave him a crooked grin that gave Aloy shivers, even directed at someone else. “You’re a hard man to forget, pretty boy.” When a red faced Avad tried to hit him armed with the pillow, he caught it easily. “Okay, okay, it was the way you spoke.”

“The way I spoke?”

“You type the way you speak, all ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and British spellings. It was rather obvious once I knew that you watched. You also started interacting more when you brought in your partner so that made sense as well.”

Aloy and Avad considered that for a moment before Nil added, “You were also wearing a bowtie patterned with suns.”

Cackling at the disgusted look Avad pulled, Aloy leaned forward to press a playful kiss to Nil’s forehead. 

“I do have one question though, if you’ll indulge me?” 

Aloy tilted her head to see Nil’s face better, the serious cast of his features and tone unusual for him. Some of the lingering hesitation she had felt during that first couple weeks came back, nervous that he was upset at them for not telling him that they had watched his cams. She needn’t have worried though.

His façade broke and he grinned at them suggestively. “You got to see me during our little private session, but what were you two doing while you watched me?”

The reminder of their private show made heat course through her veins and Aloy fidgeted, all too aware of everywhere they touched. Nil was still sitting between her legs, all but sprawled out on her lap with his arms resting on her thighs. And for all the space that had been between them when she’d been braiding Nil’s hair, Avad was now close enough to her that she could feel the heat of his body next to her. 

When she looked over at him, Avad’s deep brown eyes were focused on her and she knew the same memory of her writhing on his lap was consuming him as well. 

“Do you want to tell him?” he asked, his melodic voice only reminding her of the way he had gasped against her skin. 

Speech escaped her and Aloy shook her head, gripping the fabric of her skirt tight with one hand to try and get a hold of the tension running through her body. “You tell him.”

Sharp silver eyes shifted to Avad, who leaned close and brushed his fingers over the back of her neck before following them with his lips. Aloy shivered, arching up to meet his touch and when he spoke, his breath tickled her skin.

“I was sitting at my desk and Aloy was sitting on my lap, the same as always.”

Nil shifted until he was kneeling between her legs, his big hands splayed across her thighs, digging just enough into her skin that Aloy held back a moan. Cornered between the two of them, her breaths came fast and she bit down on her lip when Nil’s hands inched up, taking her skirt with them. 

“Were you naked?” He placed a soft kiss to the inside of her knee before tracing his lips up her inner thigh. Aloy spread her legs on instinct, giving Nil more room to crowd closer into her. 

After another hot, open-mouthed kiss to her neck, Avad reflected, “Unfortunately, no. But I had my hand inside her shorts soon enough and fuck if she wasn’t dripping wet.” 

Aloy cried out as Nil finally reached her center, his fingers brushing over her clothed slit. Unable to stop herself, she grabbed a handful of his shirt and rocked up against his firm strokes. The only things she could concentrate on were the feel of their hands and lips on her and the sound of their voices as Avad told Nil how she had felt that day. 

“She teased me about you, how you said you would throw me on the bed and fuck me until I wasn’t polite anymore.” One of Avad’s hands was tight on the back of her neck, keeping her upright so she could watch while Nil licked up her thighs to her panties. The other was pressed hard on his own cock, palming himself over his pants. 

With her skirt pushed up to her waist, it was an easy thing for Nil to hook his fingers on her underwear and start tugging it down. Canting her hips to help him, Aloy moaned as Avad’s fingers slipped over to circle her clit while Nil was busy. He swore under his breath, his kisses stuttering to a stop as he focused on a fast rhythm that brought her too high, too fast. 

Watching him touch her with wild eyes, Nil asked, “She had enough breath to tease you?”

“Not once I had my fingers inside her.”

Right when she would have exploded, he pulled away and she gasped when his touch was replaced by the gentle caress of Nil’s tongue against her wet folds. He purposefully avoided her aching bud, taking his time to taste her until she was trembling in Avad’s arms. All the while, Avad was whispering in her ear, filthy words that she almost never heard from him and that Nil seemed to inspire more often. Their hands were all over her, roving across her skin and pushing her clothes off until she was exposed to their wanderings. Nil never once shifted from between her legs, keeping her on the cusp of torment and pleasure. 

Sliding his hands under her thighs, Nil dragged her hips forward to the edge of the couch before finally sealing his lips over her clit and sucking hard. With a choked cry, Aloy shattered. Arching up, her hips jerked against him as she dug her nails into his shoulders. When he didn’t let up, continuing to lash her with his lips and tongue and teeth, she buried her face in Avad’s neck, muffling her moans. 

Avad’s warm hands caressed her stomach and breasts as he settled himself more firmly behind her. “That’s it, princess, let go for us,” he whispered in her ear. 

“I can’t…” she muttered.

“Can’t what?”

Tears swam in her eyes when she opened them, every nerve in her body on fire as she felt Nil’s movements gentle. Looking down at him, Aloy’s breaths came heavy and all she could say was, “Nil, _please-”_

With a last little lick, as if he couldn’t help himself, Nil drew back. Relief pulse through her, the waves of her orgasm finally receding in his absence. Hunger still lingered in his gaze as he met hers, tongue darting out to lick at the moisture slicked across his lips and chin. Wiping the rest away with his wrist, the corner of his mouth quirked up. “Please what? Use your words, sweetheart.” 

Part of her wanted to rise to the challenge in his mocking voice but most of her just craved more of him. Reaching out, she hooked a hand around his neck and dragged him forward for a rough kiss. She groaned at the taste of herself on his lips, letting her fingers trace down his body to start tugging at his belt. “Fuck me, Nil.”

Before she made any headway, a strong hand stilled hers. Nil brought it up to his lips, brushing a kiss over her knuckles, mischief glinting in his eyes. 

“Behave, little huntress. You know I have to cam soon.” Bringing her hand to his chest, he pressed it close. “Much as I might want to fuck you right now, you’ll have to make do with my other skills. Feel free to mark me up as much as you want, though.” With a wink and a crooked grin, Nil leaned close as if to kiss her again. But when she surged forward to close the distance, he pulled back. 

Aloy growled at him, frustration thrumming through her veins that melded with lust as he shifted to kiss Avad instead. Pressing closer to her, Avad returned the kiss fiercely. Caught between them, Aloy could feel Avad’s cock hard against her ass, and she rocked back into him. If they weren’t going to kiss her, if Nil wasn’t going to fuck her, she needed _something._

Tightening his grip on her hips, Avad moved with her, breaking his kiss with a gasp. Pulling her back into his next little thrust, he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Eager today, aren’t we?” 

Roughly, Aloy grabbed his hands and dragged them up to cover her breasts. She moaned, arching up into his familiar touch. “You two are the ones who got me like this. The, ah, the least you could do is finish… what you started…” 

Avad plucked and teased her nipples while Nil watched, his eyes tracing up and down her body as she writhed, exposed to his gaze and loving it. “Well,” he mused, “I can’t fuck you, but he can. Would that satisfy you?”

Nodding, Aloy reached behind herself blindly. Finding Avad’s fly, she fumbled at it with clumsy fingers until Nil let out a snort. He pulled her hands away before commanding, “Up on your knees.” 

The dark tone of his voice alone sent a wave of heat straight to her core and Aloy complied immediately. Pulling her feet up on the couch, she rose up on her knees. Both of her men moved her where they wanted her as Avad shifted until he was below her. Reaching between her legs, Nil undid Avad’s pants himself, pulling out his cock and pumping his hard length a couple times until he groaned and thrust up against both of them. With one hand lining him up, Nil used his other on Aloy’s hip to guide her down onto him. 

Aloy kissed him as she sank down onto Avad’s cock, her nails finding their way once again to his shoulders as she whimpered at the feeling of being deliciously filled. Oh so slowly, she lowered herself until Avad’s cock was hilted inside her. She could feel his breath hot on the back of her neck, his hands covering Nil’s to lift her back up just as slowly before slamming her back down. 

They set a rough pace, Avad thrusting up into her as he pulled her down. Nil’s hands resumed their wandering, teasing her breasts before doing the same to her clit. He licked and nipped at her breasts until she knew there would be bruises marking her skin later and all she wanted was more. Bracing her knees, Aloy met each of Avad’s thrusts, moaning when he only quickened his pace. 

Pulling Nil up, she kissed him sloppily, all teeth and tongue and hunger that was clawing to be released. Everything boiled to a peak until Aloy screamed as she came. Still, Avad pumped himself inside of her and the overstimulation from that and Nil’s clever fingers still circling her clit dragged out her pleasure until she came again, clenching around Avad as he spilled himself inside of her. 

Panting, they stayed there like that for another minute. Aloy slumped between both of them, limp from being fucked exactly as hard as she had wanted. Lazily, she kissed up Nil’s chest, regretting the fact that he had never taken his shirt off. When she found she could move again, she shifted until Avad slid out of her. Moaning, he wrapped his arms around her waist and tugged her against him so he could nuzzle his face into her neck. 

She made a move to get up when Nil stood but he pressed her back down gently. “Relax, huntress, I’ve got this.” 

Nil had been there enough times to know exactly where to go for what he was looking for. A moment later, he came back to them, armed with a soft cloth he used to clean the both of them the best he could. The hands he had used to bring her so much pleasure did so again, this time with soft touches and grounding care. 

Pouting at him, Aloy said, “I still wish you could have enjoyed yourself too.”

Nil laughed, pulling her hand up so that he could kiss her palm before placing it over the very hard evidence of their activities. “Trust me, I enjoyed that immensely, Aloy. And I’ll be thinking about all the ways I would fuck you tonight while I’m camming in a few minutes.”

Aloy almost whimpered at that thought. 

“Would it turn you on to know we’d be watching you tonight? Knowing we wish we were with you while you touch yourself?” Avad asked, his voice husky and low, sending shivers down Aloy’s back as Nil turned fierce gray eyes on the man behind her. 

Tipping his chin up with his fingers, Nil kissed Avad hard. “When you watch, it’s all for you two.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nil does indeed have scratch marks all over his shoulders and neck when he cams later that night and his viewers LOVE it - especially Aloy, who's very proud of those marks. 
> 
> ....and yes, somehow Nil still thinks he's not in a real relationship with them, even though he says romantic as fuck things. He's dumb.


	8. And I Will Gravitate Towards You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avad and Aloy take Nil out for a night with their friends! Several of our favorite side characters make an appearance so I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Chapter title this week is from Apollo I: The Writing Writer by Coheed and Cambria and the gorgeous art is courtesy of toxcatl!

Rolling his sleeves up, Avad studied himself in the mirror. Ever since the first time they had gone there, Aloy had pleaded with Avad not to wear slacks to The Cut, so he was dressed down in jeans and a sweater vest tonight. Well, dressed down by _his_ standards. Aloy had still rolled her eyes when she saw what he was wearing. 

Tonight was going to be the first time they took Nil to meet their friends. The Cut was a popular gay bar on their side of town and they knew the owners and half the staff so it was their usual hangout. Nil hadn’t been there yet but Avad hoped he would like it, even more so that he would like the people they were introducing him to. They could be a bit of a rowdy bunch but they were good people. 

Sighing softly, Avad bit back a smile. He wasn’t worried about tonight. He and Aloy had talked about Nil to their friends so they knew how much he meant to them. And they would love Nil; Nil was… amazing. Unique and witty and gorgeous and a thousand other words Avad could use to describe him. He’d fit in with their group just fine. 

Avad was hoping Nil would like them too. From what they knew, he didn’t have many friends and he spent most of his time when not with them camming or working out. Not that they minded him spending his free time with them but he seemed lonely even still. Hopefully their friends could become his, for his sake as well as theirs. 

Pushing those concerns back, Avad fished out his eyeliner. Putting the finishing touches on, he went out to find an empty apartment. Laughing, he grabbed his wallet and keys and locked up behind him before going down to Nil’s apartment. Knocking, he waited until he heard a muffled “come in” before opening the door. 

Aloy was sprawled out on Nil’s futon, her head in his lap as he read aloud from a book of poetry. A fond smile overtook his face as he watched them, Nil’s eyes flicking up to meet his with a little smile of his own before focusing again on his book. 

_“A thousand suns will stream on thee,_   
_A thousand moons will quiver;_   
_But not by thee my steps shall be,_   
_For ever and for ever.”_

A beat of warm silence before Nil said, “And that’s it, little huntress. Like it?”

Aloy hummed a bit. “It’s sad, but there’s something about it that seems… familiar.” With a deep breath, she pushed away her pensiveness. Rolling off of his lap and standing nimbly, Aloy cocked an eyebrow at Avad. “Took you long enough.”

Scoffing, Avad replied, “You were the one who left me to come over here.” 

“Because you take too long. This is more fun.” Turning, she reached out for Nil and tugged him up to standing when he joined his hand with hers. 

The two were a gleaming contrast that threatened to take Avad’s breath away, even when they weren’t trying. Aloy was clad in white overalls embroidered with flowers and topped with beaded blue necklaces and feathery blue earrings. The shadow to her light, Nil was in all black, from his tight short sleeved shirt to his jeans and combat boots. His only adornment was a sleek black harness that wrapped around both his neck and ribs, connected by straps that looked far more useful than fashion dictated. 

By now, he was used to seeing Nil in outfits that seemed specifically designed to drive him mad. Heat still simmered at the sight of them but Avad was happier to see him comfortable wearing whatever he liked. It had taken them a couple weeks but Nil had finally stopped asking if they cared what he wore when they went out together. 

Aloy kept his hand clasped in hers while she strode to the door, grabbing Avad’s as well to pull them both out. “Come on, come on, let’s go!” 

Sharing an indulgent look, the boys followed her. It didn’t take long to get to the bar and soon enough they were making their way into the brilliantly colorful building. The Cut was known for its gorgeous rainbow glyphs painted across every available surface and Avad watched as Nil unabashedly spun all the way around to take in all of the colors. 

Grey eyes slightly larger than usual, Nil wore a wide smile when he turned back to them. Avad couldn’t help the pulse of pure affection that spread through him at that smile and he reached out to tuck a loose strand of Nil’s hair behind his ear before he could stop himself. Tilting his head behind him, he said, “We’re over here.” 

Tugging Nil’s hand, Avad led him over to a table already crowded on one side. He saw Aloy wave at Ikrie, working over at the bar, who gave her a small smile before turning back to her customers. Ikrie’s more outgoing half, Talanah, was regaling her companions with a story of her latest win. Tall and lean, Talanah was a soccer player for the local team, though she’d met Aloy through their mutual love of archery years ago. 

Next to Talanah, and sandwiched in the middle, was a bear of a man. Tall and burly, Erend was one of Avad’s oldest friends, whom he’d met when he’d been new to the country and in need of good people in his life. Steadfast and easy going, Erend was wearing his customary grin as he laughed at Talanah’s tale. 

Leaning across him from his other side was Petra, a short but built woman with a teasing glint in her brown eyes. A few years older than Aloy, Petra had been her mentor when she’d been an underclassman engineering major. She’d since graduated and was working as an applied engineer for a cutting edge company, but she and Aloy had become fast friends. Avad was incredibly glad Erend was able to come tonight because had it just been the girls, chaos would have broken out the moment they had walked through the door. 

Erend spied them once they got closer and raised his hand and voice to greet them. “Aloy, Avad! About time you got here!” 

Nil’s grip on his hand tightened and Avad squeezed back before pulling him forward gently. He saw his friends’ gazes flicker on their clasped hands for a moment before settling on Nil. As Aloy slid into the booth, Avad said, “Nil, let me introduce you to our little gang.” Indicating each of them, he gave their names while he pushed Nil lightly until he slid into the booth between him and Aloy. “And everyone, this is Nil.” 

Flashing them a charming smile, Nil immediately began to question Talanah about the story she had been telling. The six of them settled into a lively discussion on the finer details of soccer rules, in which Avad was useless, and Nil chimed in several times. Only Avad and Aloy knew him well enough to notice that his tone was more formal than he used with them, and that he was quieter than normal. Granted, his quiet was still a normal amount of talking for anyone else, but they could tell. 

Their reversal of roles brought only a little amusement to Avad; now Nil was the nervous one, tearing up the napkin on the table in front of him until it was scattered in little pieces. When Ikrie came over to say hello and get their drink orders, Avad surreptitiously slid his hand over to cover Nil’s. 

“Relax, love,” he murmured. “They’re just people.”

Nil gave him a crooked little grin. “People aren’t always fond of me, Avad.”

Despite the light tone, Avad could see through him. “You did just fine with us.”

Swallowing hard, Nil looked down at Avad’s hand on his before pulling his own away. 

“So, Nil, what would you like to drink?” 

Relief flashed across his features before Nil replied and Avad studied him for a moment longer before answering Ikrie as well. Now wasn’t the time to talk to Nil about whatever he was feeling, but Avad was determined to be especially attentive the rest of the night. 

“You cam?” came Talanah’s surprised question when Nil told them what his job was. 

“Your astonishment makes me think you don’t find me pretty enough,” he drawled. Aloy snorted into her beer and Avad smiled at him. 

Talanah laughed loudly. “You’re definitely pretty enough. Cocky enough too. Maybe I’ll check you out sometime to see if you know your stuff.” 

Grinning at her, Nil leaned forward. “I’d give you my business card but I don’t carry them with me.”

“Tease,” Talanah snapped out, though she wore a delighted smile. Avad could tell she was about to antagonize him further but thankfully her girlfriend had noticed the exchange and came up behind her to wrap her arms around Talanah’s shoulders. 

“Are you starting fights again, tiger lily?” Ikrie’s voice was dry, fondness and familiarity with Talanah’s ways evident. 

Leaning back against her, Talanah lifted her chin to grin up at her. “Always.”

With a little huff, Ikrie leaned down to plant a kiss on her lips before murmuring something in her ear and going back to the bar. 

As it turned out, Nil’s fears were mostly unfounded. After that little spar, Talanah and Petra took a shine to him and kept pestering him all night. Slowly, Nil began to relax more and by the time Ikrie brought over a platter full of fried food, he was teasing Petra about her lack of knowledge about artists from the 1800s just as he had done to Aloy the week before. 

Erend protested, “Come on, not all of us are art nerds here.”

“Well it’s going to help us out later,” Avad said, raising an eyebrow at Erend, who scoffed at him. 

Wednesdays at The Cut were quiz nights - the weekly topics ranging everywhere from movie trivia to queer history. Tonight was a mix, including rounds on music genres, art, sports, and more. Normally, Aloy and Avad stole Erend for their team but this time they had Nil. Three against three, they spent the next couple hours trash talking each other as they racked up points. 

Unlike the girls, Erend was a bit more wary of Nil. He gave him more than one concerned look when Nil brought up the merits of violence in fictional media when they were trying to figure out what movie from the 80s had the most amount of fake blood used. At one point, Avad could have sworn Aloy had kicked him in the shin, or at least, that’s what he assumed caused Erend’s pained wince. But he, too, seemed more friendly towards Nil after the two went back and forth on the details of classic weapons as the questions shifted to historical accuracy in medieval films. 

Avad could barely keep his eyes off of Nil during the art section. Thanks to being a perpetual student at the local university, he knew plenty of art connoisseurs, but something about Nil’s passionate regard for art captivated him. 

“Quinn’s work is fascinating, how have you not heard of him?” he asked indignantly when the others merely stared at their paper when asked for Marc Quinn’s first internationally famed piece of art.

Petra shook her head. “If I didn’t know who that Matisse guy was, why would I know this? My art form is metal, not paint.”

“Ah but Quinn’s medium is blood so he’s above the rest as well.” He turned to face Avad, who had his chin propped up on his hand as he fondly watched Nil. “You know who he is, right?”

Biting back a smile, he said, “You know my specialty is classical paintings.” At Nil’s crestfallen look, he gave in. “Yes, of course I know who he is. This piece is a bit morbid though, you have to admit.”

The silver of his eyes brightened once again. “Is it morbid to use the essence of your own physical being to portray something so personal? Blood isn’t death, it’s life itself. Quinn uses living, organic material to capture the emotions and struggles of different beings.” He turned to Aloy. “You might even like him too, huntress. Sculptures crafted of metal and shaped after humanities sins are another of his series.”

“You’ll have to show me when we get home,” she replied wryly. Avad knew she was used to his own insistence on this kind of subject and she met Nil’s intensity with her usual affectionate resignation. 

Satisfied, Nil penned their answer to the question just as the emcee called out the next. 

Between the two of them, they managed to answer all of the art questions correctly, catapulting them ahead of their rivals. Talanah and Erend pouted but Petra was the one to buy the next round for all of them. “Yes, including you two since it’ll hopefully get those pathetic looks off your faces,” she teased, clapping Erend on the back. 

Of course, there was also everyone else in the now crowded bar they had to compete with. There was another team lording over their score, but a tense final round won Avad and his lovers the prize. As luck would have it, the decisive question was about archery and he had not one but two aces. There weren’t many people who knew what a toxophilite was and there were only three of them in the bar - and Talanah’s team was too far behind for it to matter. 

“And our winner tonight is the Machine Hunters!”

Cheers and boos alike greeted them as Aloy went up to snag their prize, a voucher for their tab tonight and a little carving, painted in vibrant colors and hung from a cable, fashioned as a necklace.

Bringing their prizes back to the table, Aloy slipped the necklace over Nil’s head. Curiously, he picked it up and traced his fingers over the intricate geometric designs. “What is this?”

“One of the owners of The Cut, Ourea, makes these every week for the winners,” Aloy explained. “Each is different and tells a story only she knows. Sometimes she’ll tell you if she decides you’re worthy.”

Raising an eyebrow, Nil asked, “And how do we prove ourselves worthy?” 

“Trial by combat,” Petra replied with a straight face. “You have to face him.” She pointed to a large bearded man coming out of the back bearing a crate full of wine bottles. “Aloy once fought Aratak for over an hour for her right to the story of a pendant.” 

Nil blinked at her for a moment before pushing himself up to stand.

Laughing, Avad reached out to tug him back down. “She’s teasing you, you don’t have to fight anyone. I don’t think Ourea is here tonight but we can ask her about the story the next time we come.” 

“Can I keep this?” Nil asked softly, fingering the necklace once again. 

“Of course you can. Aloy and I already have a few at our place; you can look at them when we go home tonight. Aloy probably remembers all of the stories too.”

On his other side, she nodded. “They’re fascinating. Ourea is a gifted storyteller, if a bit weird.” 

“I’m not sure if you’re allowed to say that given your family,” Avad replied wryly. 

Aloy groaned, leaning against Nil to bury her face in his shoulder. “Don’t remind me. I told dad I’d be going to the gathering next month.” 

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“You can’t,” she sighed. “It’s the same weekend as the exhibit opening at the museum.”

Silently, Avad damned the timing, useless guilt piercing him. Some of his art was being shown at the new exhibit so he had to be there. But as few and far between Aloy’s visits to see her extended family were, he always went with her. Seeing them was difficult for her, because she chose to live her life differently from the way they had raised her. 

They still loved her, and some accepted her exactly as she was, but the pressures she felt from them never went away. He’d learned the hard way not to let her go alone when it had first happened after they started dating. 

“I can go if you want, huntress.” Nil’s voice was quiet, matching theirs as if he sensed the importance of their discussion. As far as Avad knew, Aloy hadn’t really talked about her family much with Nil, but somehow he could still tell that this was hard for her. Avad watched as his keen grey eyes roved over her features, seeing the way her features drew tight in worry, the way she bit her lip hard enough Avad feared she would break the skin. 

“You really don’t have to, Nil. My family is a handful in the best of times.” 

Nil reached out as if to caress her cheek, but he dropped his hand before he touched her. Instead, he pressed his hand over hers where it rested in her lap, her fingers twisting together. “I can handle it, Aloy. And if I can give you strength, then that’s the only place I’d like to be.” 

Pure adoration burst through Avad as he saw the tears gather in Aloy’s eyes before she roughly wiped them away. “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay, you can come.” She intertwined her fingers with Nil’s, keeping his hand tight in her grasp as she swallowed hard. 

Turning back to the others, Aloy joined the conversation they had kept going while the three of them had had their moment. She was trying hard to pretend that nothing had happened, but she kept Nil’s hand hostage, her knuckles white as she squeezed it. 

“Thank you,” Avad murmured to Nil, pressing slightly closer to him. “She needed that.” 

Nil shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is.” Avad leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. When he drew back, a blush stained Nil’s face and Avad smiled. For as little as he thought of himself, Nil truly was fiercely kind. 

They spent the last bit of the evening like that, with Aloy holding his hand and Avad pressed against him shoulder to shoulder. When they had finished their beers and Avad polished off the last of his water, they rose to leave. Erend got up as well, leaving the women to have the table to themselves. 

At their protests, Erend smiled. “You know I don’t stay in bars past ten anymore, ladies. You’ll have fun without me.” 

Avad smiled at his friend, proud of the progress he’d made in the last year, and walked out beside him. Nil and Aloy were further ahead, arms linked as they made their way across the parking lot. 

“He seems good for you,” Erend said. 

“Really? I didn’t think you liked him at first.” 

Letting out a belting laugh, Erend replied, “I didn’t. He’s an odd duck that’s for sure, but I like the way he looks at you two.”

Avad’s gaze found Nil again, as he turned to smile at Aloy. “Me, too.” 

Erend clapped his hand on his shoulder. “Have a good night, Avad.” 

Avad hurried to catch up to his lovers, unlocking the car so they could all climb in. Nil was up front this time and Aloy dozed in the back as they drove home. For the thousandth time, Avad wished he had an automatic transmission so he could reach over and hold Nil’s hand as he drove. Instead, he satisfied himself with little glances to his sharp profile. 

“Did you have a fun time tonight?”

Nil nodded, looking over to meet his gaze. “I like your friends, they seem like interesting people.” 

That got a laugh out of him. “They are indeed. I think they liked you too.” 

“What’s not to like?” Nil asked archly. 

Avad smiled at him but this time he released his grip on the gear shift to take Nil’s hand and bring it up to brush a kiss across his knuckles. “Absolutely nothing.”

He thought he embarrassed Nil silent, a true feat, because he didn’t talk the rest of the way home. Unfortunately, Avad had to take his hand back to shift gears but he enjoyed the soft music and the knowledge that he had the two of them near. 

When he parked in their dark lot, they had to nudge Aloy awake and even then she didn’t want to move. With a little sigh, Nil hooked his arms around her and lifted, carrying her out of the car and into the complex. Avad followed close behind, watching as Nil kissed her forehead and she snuggled closer to him. 

Nil took her straight to their door, stepping to the side to let Avad unlock and open it. Careful of Aloy’s head and feet, he went in, striding back to their bedroom to lay her down on the big bed. Stripping off his sweater, Avad went to wash his face off as Nil helped her get her shoes and jewelry off. 

By the time he came back out, Aloy was snuggled under the covers and Nil was leaning against their door jamb. Going over to him, Avad tugged on his shirt to bring him back towards the bed but he caught his hand.

“No offense, Avad, but I’m too tired to give in to your seducing right now..” His voice was teasing but Avad kept tugging on him.

“The only thing I’m seducing you to is to sleep. There’s no need for you to go all the way home just for that.” When he still hesitated, Avad gave him a pointed look. “Our bed is more comfortable anyway.”

Finally, Nil gave in, stripping his clothes off as he followed. Mimicking his earlier actions, he pushed Nil in first, crawling in behind to pull him back against his chest. Wrapping his arms around his waist, he felt Nil slowly relax as he kissed across his shoulder.

Sleepily, Nil murmured goodnight and Avad smiled against his skin.

“Goodnight, love.” 

***

Nil woke to sunlight and fiery red hair swinging into his vision. Wearing a brilliant smile, Aloy was leaning over him, one hand braced on his shoulder where she had been shaking him gently. Groaning, Nil lifted his hand to shield himself from the sun pouring in the windows. He could still feel Avad wrapped around him from behind, even closer than he had been before they’d fallen asleep. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” she teased him. “I’m off to work, but Avad doesn’t have to get up for a while so don’t worry about sleeping in too late.” 

Still catching up on what was happening, Nil blinked up at her. “Good morning?”

“It was really nice to wake up with you here.” Her green-gold eyes softened and she bent down to kiss him sweetly and Nil’s heart reeled at her touch. Before he could even kiss her back, she pulled away. “I’ll see you later, Nil.”

With a flash of red, she was gone and he was left feeling very lost in their giant bed. His only anchor was Avad’s warmth pressed against him and he clung to that even as he tried and failed to go back to sleep. When he finally gave up trying, he pressed his fingers to his lips, still tingling long after she was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem that Nil is reading from is "A Farewell" by Alfred Tennyson and it’s the poem found in the metal flower on top of the mesa where Nil challenges Aloy to a duel!
> 
> Marc Quinn is a British artist and the piece they’re referencing is called "Self"; since 1991 and every five years, Quinn takes out 5 litres of his own blood and uses it to fill a mold of his face so it’s an evolving series of self portraits. 
> 
> Toxophilite - a student or lover of archery.
> 
> Nil loves being the little spoon and I stand by that. Also! From here on out, even when the chapters are from Aloy or Avad’s POV, you’ll more than likely get just a LITTLE bit at the end of each chapter from Nil’s perspective.


	9. Caught in the Crossfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling guilty about not being able to go to her family gathering, Avad tries to make it up to Aloy but it doesn't go as well as he would have hoped. Unfortunately, Nil gets to see the fallout and his past comes back to haunt him. 
> 
> Title this week is from Devil in Jersey City by Coheed and Cambria and the adorable art is from Kittleskittle! Tags have been updated.

That wasn’t the only morning Nil awoke in their bed. Now when he spent the night, he wouldn’t wake up until dawn, though he couldn’t spend every night with them. The thought of waking up with them every day was… more than Nil could bear. 

He already liked them so much more than he ever had anyone else. Getting even more attached wasn’t something he could afford to do. 

So he pushed down his feelings, only letting them out when they were asleep and he could watch them wake in the dawning light. It didn’t help that they were both adorable in the morning. Avad’s curly hair was always a mess, despite the fact that he tried to put it up before sleeping, and Aloy always woke up only to snuggle in close and fall back asleep pressed up against him. 

Worse even still was that his nightmares mostly disappeared when he spent the night with them. Nightmares that still woke him in a cold sweat years later somehow vanished when he was with them. The lure of peaceful sleep was almost as strong as his bedmates themselves. 

Of course, Avad also tended to make breakfast for them and since Nil couldn’t make toast without burning it, that was a nice perk. This morning, he could smell bacon and his stomach grumbled loudly. 

Splayed out over his chest, Aloy chuckled sleepily, reaching down to rub her hand over his stomach. “Hungry?”

Nil grunted. “Was I that obvious, little huntress?” 

Aloy hummed, kissing his chest as her hand wandered lower. Both were naked from the night before so there was nothing in her way as she wrapped her fingers around his cock. He hadn’t been expecting that, but he hardened under her touch as she deftly stroked him until he was aching. Thrusting up against her, Nil groaned. 

“But maybe you’re hungry for something else?”

Aloy grinned up at him before sliding down to take him into her mouth. As her wet heat enveloped him, Nil’s hands slid into her hair, though he let her set the pace. She worked him up slowly at first, alternating between little licks to the head and taking him deep. It wasn’t long before she had him hissing out expletives between gritted teeth and he decided to torment her too. 

“Get up here, minx,” he growled, sitting up to grasp her waist and swing her around. When he laid back down, her thighs were on either side of his face and he was at the perfect angle to bite her thigh sharply before pulling her down to settle her pussy over his lips. Aloy cried out at the sharp sting but she ground down on top of him as he began to lick her wet slit. 

His cock was still loosely clasped in her hand so he pushed his hips up against her, urging her to continue where she left off. Taking the cue, Aloy pressed herself against him to swallow him down. As he sucked on her clit, her moans vibrated against him and he almost lost control as she took him deep enough that she almost gagged. 

It wasn’t much longer before he had her trembling in the midst of her climax and he finally let himself join her. Aloy kept sucking on him even then, swallowing as he spent himself inside her mouth. As they both came down, Nil licked at her lazily, keeping her sensitive and cleaning off her essence at the same time. 

“I have breakfast ready if you two are done,” came Avad’s wry voice from the other room. 

Sliding off to the edge of the bed, Aloy collapsed beside him. Slightly breathless, she called out, “Can we have breakfast in bed?”

“After you had sex without me? No. And wash your mouths out before you come out here too.” 

Nil grinned at the redhead before rolling over and off the bed. He had to tug her off to join him but they both hurried in the bathroom and threw on clothes before making their way out to the kitchen. 

Avad was still standing at the stove, wearing an apron that said “Kiss the King” and wielding a spatula as he checked what looked to be the last pancake. Slipping her arms around his waist from behind, Aloy pressed herself against him. 

“Thank you for making food, Avad,” she said sweetly, though he just shook his head at her. 

“You’re welcome, you ungrateful brat.” There was fondness in his tone though and Nil laughed as he stole a plateful of pancakes to take to the table. Aloy moved to follow him but Avad tugged her back to place a kiss on her forehead before letting her go. 

Watching them made Nil’s heart pulse painfully so he grabbed the syrup and drowned his pancakes until he was sure the sugar would suffocate his feelings. They soon joined him and the three ate and talked until the pancakes were gone and their fingers were covered in bacon grease. Afterwards, Aloy and Avad got ready to head off to class and work, respectively, and Nil said goodbye to go get ready for his cam session that afternoon.

That night was one of the ones he spent in his own apartment, tossing and turning in his small bed. The absence of their warmth kept sleep from him and when it finally claimed him, it tortured him with images of his father and other shadowy figures from his past. 

Burning pain woke him in the middle of the night. Finding the scar that ached, Nil rubbed it until the pain eased before crawling out of bed. The sheets were soaked in his sweat so he grabbed a blanket and collapsed on the futon, wrapping it around him until he couldn’t see anything but the darkness surrounding him. 

When he woke up again, it was light out and his back ached from the way he was crunched up on the futon. Slowly, like his bones were made of glass, he shifted until he was sitting on the edge. The nightmares never came when he was in their bed, but now they came more often when he spent the night in his own apartment. The absence of those two bright lights let the darkness seep in further. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to keep them forever was the only reason he still made himself spend half his nights alone, though that was getting harder to do every time he woke up with his skin crawling. Burying his face in his hands, he pushed the past back where it belonged before getting up to start his day. 

Checking his phone, he found a text from Aloy, inviting him over that evening for a movie night. Smiling, he accepted. No cam sessions today so all he had to do was run a few errands. The thought of seeing them later lifted the last of the fog surrounding him left behind by his nightmare.

***

Parking his bike, Nil killed the engine before swinging his leg over. With his helmet tucked under one arm, he opened up his saddlebag and grabbed out a couple bags from his trip. Locking it back up, he made his way inside. 

He had stopped to check his mail when he heard voices in the hallway around the corner. 

“Avad, you _cannot_ do that.”

“Why not? If it’s because of the price, I just got my monthly-”

“That is not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

Nil heard a door jerk open and he winced as it slammed shut again. He’d never heard the two of them speak to each other like that and shock froze him in place until he heard a muttered voice in another language. Peeking around the corner, he found Avad still standing outside their apartment, rubbing his forehead. 

“Avad?” he asked somewhat tentatively. He wasn’t sure if Avad would take kindly to being overheard fighting but he couldn’t exactly go down the hall to his own apartment surreptitiously right now. 

His head jerked up at Nil’s voice and surprise mixed with discomfort shone plainly all over his face. No anger at having been spoken to though, so Nil stepped closer to him. 

“Ah, I take it you heard all that?” Avad gestured weakly at the door and himself, seeming at a loss as well. 

Flashing an unsteady smile, Nil kept his voice even as he said, “Just the last bit. Is everything okay?” 

Bracing his hands on his hips, Avad smiled ruefully. “I fucked up somehow, I just need to figure out how.” 

Nil shifted his weight, unsure what to say or do right now. If he even had the right to comfort Avad or if that was even the right answer, if- “I was just headed back to my place. I’ll give you two some privacy tonight, don’t worry about me.” 

He turned to leave but Avad’s hand closed around his own, stopping him. Nil didn’t look back, just waited to hear what he would say. 

“What? Why?” Confusion marred Avad’s voice and now it invaded Nil’s mind as well.

“Fights are best figured out by the two involved. I would just get in the way,” he answered. Not to mention that even just hearing their voices as they snapped at each other caused sharp pricks of anxiety and terror to run across his skin. But it wasn’t his place to tell Avad any of that, Avad was far too needed by his actual partner to still be out here talking to him. “You should go fix things with her. You’re both far too valuable to each other to lose.”

Stepping closer to him, shifting so he was in front of Nil’s face, Avad peered up at him with beautiful, concerned brown eyes. “We invited you over, we want to see you. Besides, when she gets mad enough at me to slam doors, it usually means Aloy needs time to cool off before we talk about it again.” 

Nil huffed out what could barely be called a laugh, but his gaze was intense on Avad’s. “Are you sure? Because I really wouldn’t mind-”

 _“Yes,_ I’m sure. And there’s no worry of us losing each other. I love her far too much to ever let her go and I know she feels the same. Little spats or disagreements don’t change that.” Avad smiled at him, seeming more at ease now than he had when Nil had first seen him a couple minutes ago. 

Avad had yet to let go of his hand and Nil’s gaze dropped to where his fingers were clasped around his own, still carrying his bags. “I’ll go drop my stuff off and come over then?”

“Come right on in when you’re done.” With a final squeeze, Avad let go to enter his apartment. 

Nil swallowed hard, breathing in deep to shove down the shivers that he finally let take over now that he was alone. He clung to his helmet like a lifeline for a minute before turning to make his way back to his own apartment. Once inside, he unfurled his fingers from the death grip he had on both helmet and bags and numbly began putting away his groceries. 

_They’re not him. They’ll be fine. He said they’d work it out. You’re okay. You’re safe._

He kept up the mantra inside his head as he puttered around his place for a little longer than necessary. Despite the reminders, he couldn’t help but feel a bone-deep dread at the idea of spending the next few hours with them while they were in the middle of a fight. He’d never seen them fight, not once in the months he’d known them now. They disagreed sometimes but he’d never heard either of them use the tones he’d heard them use in the hall and he never wanted to again. 

Once he’d packed up that panic into a more manageable little ball and shoved it down deep, Nil made his way back over to the apartment that usually felt more welcoming than his own. 

He tried to heed Avad’s words, but he couldn’t help the little knock he gave before opening the door. The tv was already on and Aloy was seated firmly in the middle of the couch, Avad nowhere to be seen. As soon as she saw him, Aloy’s face lit up with a smile and she patted the cushion next to her.

“Finally! Come on over, we have to pick out a good movie before Avad comes back out.”

Slowly, Nil made his way over to settle next to her and, just like normal, she leaned into him until he had to put his arm around her to make room. If he hadn’t heard their exchange, he might not have noticed the lingering tension in her posture, or the way she clung a bit too tightly to the remote as she forced her attention to stay on the tv. 

Sympathy welled inside him and Nil tightened his arm around her until he started to feel that tension seep out of her. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t like fights either. Neither one of them seemed happy with how things were between them right now and Nil held out a vain hope that meant things would go back to normal. 

As they browsed through movies, Aloy made no mention of the fight, even though he knew Avad had probably told him that he’d overheard a little of it. More than content to ignore the elephant in the room, Nil let her pick one of the new sci-fi remakes that he wasn’t sure would ever come close to the original. 

After she’d paused at the opening credits, Avad emerged from their room. Dressed down from the clothes he’d come home in, Avad sat on Aloy’s other side. Normally, he’d move to close the distance between them, but this time he just laid his arm across the back of the couch behind her, close but not close enough to smother the tension that rose once again. Nil exchanged a glance with him over Aloy’s head and Avad just shrugged slightly. 

“What delightful movie did you two pick to torment me this time?”

“Something you’ll hate,” replied Aloy tartly. 

Thankfully, Avad just chuckled and as they started the movie, they both began to relax more. Nil let out a relieved sigh as he felt things start to shift back to normal when Aloy wriggled around to press against Avad halfway through. It looked as if they really could just ignore the fight and enjoy each other’s company like usual. He missed Aloy’s warmth when she moved over but he was more than happy to see them cuddled together, not sure whether her affection towards him would be welcome or appreciated right now. 

The movie was building to its climax when their fragile peace finally shattered.

“See but they don’t actually use any CGI for that part! That’s what makes it fascinating,” Aloy said, pointing out the little pieces of armor and props that looked like something out of, well, a sci-fi movie. 

Nil mused, “But that begs the question; is it more cost efficient to use CGI or to physically make each of those individual pieces.”

“It’s actually not that expensive anymore.” Avad broke the silence he had adopted while they had debated effects. With a cautious look at Aloy, he continued, “With 3D printers, a lot of things are easy to make for different projects. Which is why I think you could use-”

Aloy had stiffened as he was talking and when he said the last bit, she cut him off, biting out, “Fucking hell, Avad, don’t start with me.” 

The words had Nil shifting away from them even as Avad sat up straighter. 

“It’s a good investment, Aloy! You could use it for your class projects, for your bow, for whatever you want.” 

Jumping up from the couch, Aloy whirled to face him, hands on her hips and thunder on her face. “Avad Surya, I told you before, this isn’t about the stupid 3D printer.”

“Then why are you so set against this?” he asked, frustrated confusion still writ in his tone. 

With Avad leaning forward, trying to plead an answer from her, and Aloy standing above him, Nil watched as their fight unfolded. They picked up from where they had left off before and he couldn’t help the ragged breaths that started to escape from him despite his struggles against them. 

“For such a genius, you really are stupid sometimes, Avad.” Aloy broke away from their stare down to begin pacing in front of the coffee table, ignoring the movie that still played in the background. The change did little to comfort Nil as he remembered another figure pacing in front of him, so much larger and terrifying than his little spitfire. 

Avad scoffed. “Ah yes, that helps me figure out what you’re thinking so much more. If you would talk to me instead of just getting angry, I might be able to understand!” His voice rose at the last and Nil’s hands clenched where he was gripping the couch cushions as tightly as he could.

“You’re not your father, Avad,” Aloy finally said, her voice low and serious. She stopped to look at him, her brilliant flashing eyes completely focused on her boyfriend as he froze. 

Avad looked more fragile in that moment than Nil had ever seen him before, like the word “father” had the same effect on him as it did on Nil. The similarity barely broke through the panic starting to drown him and he watched helplessly as one of his worst nightmares seemed to meld with the living nightmare playing out in front of him. 

“Why would you bring him into this?” Raw pain filtered through Avad’s rough voice and Aloy sighed before kneeling down in front of him and taking his hands. 

“Jiran solves his problems by buying favors and forgiveness. You’re not him. Don’t act like it.” The intensity in her voice was almost stabilizing and Nil tried to cling to the sound of it as he covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the stupid childish whimpers that threatened to escape him. 

Incredulity shaded Avad’s voice as he asked, “You think I’m trying to buy your forgiveness?” 

“Aren’t you? You hate not being able to go to see my family with me, I know that. And you have a tendency toward taking that guilt on yourself so you’re trying to do something else for me. I wouldn’t mind having a 3D printer, Avad. It’s the reason _why_ you want to buy one for me that bothers me,” Aloy said, the words pouring out of her like a dam had broken.

Silence met her confession as Avad struggled to find his answer. It was then that Aloy finally glanced over to see Nil curled into himself on the other side of the couch, pushed as far away from them as he could. He met her gaze, knowing his eyes were impossibly wide right now, and heard her sharp gasp.

“Nil? Are you alright?” The worry in her voice made Avad look over to him and the weight of both of their stares caused the tears in his eyes to finally spill over. 

Aloy took a step closer to her, her hand outreached, but his flinch stopped her in her tracks. Burning a hole in the ground with his gaze, Nil took his hand off his mouth. “I’m- I’m fine,” he rasped out, pausing to lick his dry lips before continuing, “I’m sorry, I should go.” 

He went to stand but Aloy knelt in front of the couch and he stilled. She was still closer to Avad then him, but she inched closer, as if approaching a wild animal. The similarity did not escape him, even as muddled as his mind was right then, and it made a part of him want to laugh until it hurt. 

Much slower than before, she reached out as if to take his hand, the one currently clawed into the fabric beside him. He had to stop her, couldn’t let her touch him. “Aloy, please don’t-”

Her fingertips brushed over his skin, caressing him so softly before she covered his hand with her own. The gentle warmth of her touch broke something inside him and he sobbed, his other hand coming up once again to cover his mouth. 

Avad and Aloy moved in tandem, surrounding him as he finally lost himself in the memories tearing through him. Tugging his hand away from his mouth and prying the other from the couch, Aloy took both his hands in her own and he clung to her. Crawling from his side of the couch, Avad’s arms wrapped around him, tugging him until he could bury his face into his shoulder. 

His tears soaked into Avad’s shirt but he couldn’t stop the flow as their comfort overwhelmed him. He’d never been held like this before. Never had someone to comfort him as he cried. A small voice inside of him told him that this must be what it was like to be loved. 

As the sobs wracking him started to slow, he began to hear Avad’s voice. Rocking him slightly, Avad was running a hand through his hair and murmuring in his ear, over and over again, “You’re okay, sweetheart. We’ve got you.” 

The words triggered another round of tears and Nil couldn’t keep track of time as the memories of his childhood terror shrunk little by little. What could have been hours later, he let out a deep sigh before pulling back from Avad. He let him go without a fuss, but he didn’t move away either. Nil squeezed Aloy’s hands before pulling them away to scrub at his wet face. 

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry,” Aloy interrupted. 

Nil gave her a weak smirk. “What if I am?”

“You shouldn’t be,” Avad said. When Nil looked to him, he saw his brows constricted as he studied him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly.” Aloy raised an eyebrow at him, her chin set stubbornly as she very obviously stayed kneeling in front of him. “But I probably should explain.”

They both stayed quiet, waiting for him to start when he was ready and he was grateful for it. He was trying to figure out where to start and how much to tell them when Aloy sighed and hoisted herself up to slip onto the couch between him and the arm. “Don’t think about it so much. Just starts where it feels right.” 

“How is it you know just what to say, huntress? You sound like my therapist.” he teased, taking hold of the little distraction. 

Aloy shrugged. “I work with kids from bad homes, remember?”

“I’m that obvious?”

She reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “You are to me.” 

Her words and touch centered him and he drew in a deep breath before saying, “Well, much like some of your little chicks, I had a bad home. You know my mom died when I was young, but that meant she left me alone with my dad. He was an alcoholic with a temper so you can imagine how that mixed with raising a little kid who had a tendency to piss him off.”

Avad hummed, taking one of his hands again as if he needed something to hold. Nil knew it was probably just for his benefit but he was thankful for it nonetheless. 

“Fighting or raised voices tend to bring back those memories worse than anything else so sometimes I get panic attacks. Though it hasn’t affected me this badly in years.”

“No wonder you looked so spooked in the hallway earlier,” Avad mused, bringing his hand up to his lips. Nil could feel them move against his skin as he said, “I’m so sorry, Nil. We should have noticed.” 

“Please, don’t apologize. You wouldn’t let me, so neither should you.” He tried to lighten his tone, but he was afraid the feeling got lost as the lump in his throat came back. 

Snorting, Aloy drew his attention back to her. “We’re the ones who actually did something wrong, Nil, we’re supposed to apologize. And I am so sorry, that we didn’t see you were struggling and we didn’t check in with you.”

“You were fighting,” Nil protested, “it wasn’t supposed to be about me.” 

Avad let out a disgusted noise. “You were here and you were hurting. That was far more important than us yelling at each other out of stubbornness.” 

“We’re still finishing that discussion later, Avad,” Aloy said wryly, though her eyes were all for Nil. 

“Thank you for reminding me, love.” His tone matched hers but Nil could see the amusement in his gaze as he answered. The return of even that little banter set him more at ease and he relaxed back against the couch as Avad spoke again. “Nil, you matter just as much, especially if you have to watch us fight. We’ll remember that the next time something like this happens and we’ll make sure you’re okay too, alright?”

Nil nodded cautiously, his heart still going a million miles a minute at the affection in his voice, the words he was saying. He wouldn’t say things like that if he didn’t care. The implications had Nil scrambling for anything to say that would distract them from the blush steadily climbing his neck. 

“Did you- did you want to keep talking?”

Aloy blinked at him silently for a minute before she asked, “Will you be okay if we don’t raise our voices or anything?”

Again, Nil could only nod. Anything to get their attention away from him and his dawning realization that he was in over his head. 

The two didn’t move whatsoever when they began to talk again, their voices low as they continued to casually and purposefully touch Nil just enough that they grounded him but didn’t crowd him. He had no idea how they did it, how they _knew,_ but he was almost in tears again from the care they showed him. 

“Do you really think I’m acting like my father?” Avad asked, desperation coloring his voice. Nil focused on that, hating the way Avad seemed to collapse inward on himself as he spoke.

Reaching across Nil, Aloy cupped Avad’s cheek in her hand. When he leaned into her touch, she stroked her thumb over his skin lightly. “Not intentionally. But it’s not a habit I want you to pick up either. That’s why I didn’t want you to buy me anything.”

“I can understand that.” Avad covered her hand with his own and a smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. “Next time can we talk about it like this?” 

Aloy let out a disgruntled huff. “I guess so.” Glancing up at him somewhat shyly, she said, “I’m sorry I let my anger get the best of me.”

“Forgiven. I’m sorry I can’t go to see your family with you… and that I tried to buy your forgiveness with a 3D printer.” 

Laughing, Aloy dragged him close for a kiss. “Forgiven. Besides, it’s not like I’ll be alone. I’ll have Nil with me.” At that, she squeezed his hand and looked back to him. 

Connected to both of them, his hands in theirs, too many emotions still roiled inside of him to express. And with the lingering aftereffects of his panic attack still draining him, Nil didn’t know what to say. 

Taking pity on him, Aloy leaned closer, her lips a whisper away from his. “Can I kiss you, Nil? Is that okay right now?” 

He barely whispered “yes” before her lips were on his. The kiss was softer than anything he’d ever felt and so sweet he couldn’t bear it. She cared about him. They both did. There was no other answer as to why they showed him the same care and attention as they did to each other. Her kiss stayed gentle and almost chaste until she drew back. 

Nil kept his eyes closed for fear that he would start crying again. They wouldn’t judge him, he knew that. But he didn’t want them to fuss over him again, not when he was so overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the last hour. He felt Avad move closer, brushing a kiss over his temple. 

“Is there anything we can do to help? You can leave if you need to be alone, but you know you’re more than welcome to spend the night here,” he murmured. 

“I’ll stay here with you.” He wouldn’t be able to handle another nightmare after this and he was too weak to refuse the lure of their warmth tonight. 

They got ready for bed quietly, but the silence was good. It let him think about the way they had fought and his reaction to it, but mostly about the way they had held him while he was crying. He thought back on the last few weeks and months and shook his head as he stripped off his shirt. He was an idiot. 

When he was safely ensconced between them, he basked in the feeling of their arms around him. Maybe it wasn’t what he’d thought it was at first, maybe they did truly care about him as more than a friend and a bedmate. Hope stirred in him for the first time in a long time. 

Avad sighed against the back of his neck contentedly. “Nil…”

And just as quickly, that hope guttered. 

_They don’t even know my real name._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nil can have a little realization.......as a treat. Sorry not sorry about the ending there. 
> 
> For reference, Aloy works as basically a camp counselor at an outdoors camp for kids. They focus on kids with behavioral issues that generally come from abusive or neglectful homes and she teaches stuff like archery and horse riding there.


	10. I Think You'd Better Take My Hand: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloy brings Nil with her for a weekend spent back home in the Sacred Lands. Home holds many memories for her, both good and bad, and she's glad to have Nil beside her - little do either of them know that there's someone entwined with Nil waiting for them there as well. 
> 
> Update: This chapter is so important for them that when I started writing, I couldn't stop. I had to split this chapter in two so you'll notice that I added another chapter to the total count. Good news! I'm not cruel enough to make you wait a whole week for the second half of Aloy's family gathering - I'll be posting chapter eleven tomorrow!
> 
> Title this week is from Junesong Provision by Coheed and Cambria and the art of our lovely Nil in Nora clothing is courtesy of my darling kittleskittle!

Slinging his bag into the back of Aloy’s truck, Aloy watched as Nil made his way up to the passenger seat. He’d offered to take her on his motorcycle, but she’d just laughed and told him it wouldn’t be able to handle the trek. The roads up by Mother’s Heart were far too rough for his pretty motorcycle. 

Aloy was already leaning against the side of the truck, and Avad moved to stand close to her, bringing his hands up to cradle her cheeks. “If you need me for anything, just call, okay?” 

Smirking up at him, Aloy said, “You know cell service is spotty up there, Avad. Besides, I know you’re glad you don’t actually have to spend the weekend in the woods.” Avad just sighed and kept looking at her mournfully. “I’ll be fine, I promise,” she added with no small amount of exasperation. 

“You’d better be.” Avad kissed her for a long moment before pulling back with another sigh. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. Good luck at the museum, you’ll have to tell me everything when I get back.” Surging up to kiss him again on the cheek, Aloy darted around to the driver’s side of the truck to hoist herself up, avoiding any more of the worry still lingering in his gaze. 

Which left Avad to turn towards Nil. The windows were rolled part of the way down so she could very clearly hear him say, “Thank you, again, for going with her.” Rolling her eyes, Aloy started the truck with a dull roar. When she looked again, Avad was kissing Nil goodbye too and she smiled. 

Over the last few weeks, it had felt like Nil had started opening up to them a little more. Not anything huge, but little things that she only noticed because she was looking for them. He didn’t ask permission as much for coming over or eating their food and he touched them more even when they were out in public together. And he lingered more on the kisses they gave him. 

Nil’s hand slipped around the back of Avad’s neck as he kept him close and kissed him again. Her blood was starting to heat while watching them by the time Avad pushed him away with a smile and started backing away from the truck. Flashing him a wicked grin of his own, Nil climbed up into the passenger seat. 

“Have fun without me!” Avad called.

“We always do,” Nil sang out. 

Shaking her head, Aloy shifted into reverse and barely caught the exasperated look Avad gave them as she waved and backed out of the parking lot. 

Once she was out and on the road out of town, she gave Nil a droll look. “You had to have the last word?”

“He looked less worried when we left, didn’t he?” Nil parried. 

Surprised, Aloy realized he was right and she couldn’t suppress her laugh. She didn’t know why Nil kept surprising her. He was so thoughtful in his own way and ever since his panic attack the day they had fought, he’d been even more attentive to both her and Avad. Sparing a fond look at him when she stopped at a red light, Aloy reached out to gently flick his shoulder. “You’re too good for us.” 

Nil scoffed. “You know that’s not true, huntress.” 

“Say what you want, I know better.” 

***

The road trip was uneventful and even fun. It took the better part of five hours to make their way to the private land Aloy’s extended family called home and they spent the whole time singing obnoxiously to music and verbally sparring. 

Nil offered to drive at one point but driving this route was one of her favorite things so she kept on. Watching the scenery change as she sped through empty roads, the mess of the city falling away into wooded hills and glimpses of the bright blue sky, those were her favorite things. They caught a glimpse of a herd of deer in one of the clearings by the road when she turned off the highway and they both watched as the noise startled them into fleeing deeper into the trees. 

Despite the ever present anxiety that seeing her family caused, Aloy deeply loved the land they lived in. She’d grown up here, learned to shoot and hunt, how to survive, learned the kind of strength she needed to stand on her own. For all that she was grateful for it, those memories brought both wistfulness and pain. She’d be seeing Rost soon and she knew her father wouldn’t be happy about who she had brought along.

When they were less than an hour away, Aloy sighed. “I should probably tell you what to expect.” 

“That would be appreciated,” Nil drawled. 

His sass made her smile but she continued as if she hadn’t heard him. “I told you before that my people worship the goddess Gaia.” 

“You said before that they were your father’s people, not your own,” he interjected. 

Throwing a smile his way, she replied, “Yes, but don’t say that while we’re here or we’ll both get lectured about how I’m still one of them. So yes, my people, my father’s people, worship Gaia. She’s an earth goddess so that’s why they stay on our lands all the way out here.” She could feel Nil watching her, patient and wholly focused on what she was saying. Having his attention so centered on her would have once made her nervous but now she drew comfort from his intense grey gaze. “The matriarchs lead us and the Nora survive mostly off of the land, farming and hunting for the food we eat and trading only for those things we need.”

“The Nora?” 

“That’s what we call ourselves. The elders stick to the old ways the most; no technology, avoiding outsiders, the whole deal. There are some around my age that go off into the world and only come back for the gatherings like I am now. They’ve started bringing more of the modern world back with them more in the last few years.”

Nil hummed. “Like Varl and Sona?”

“Varl left first,” Aloy said wryly, “and Sona followed to make sure he stayed out of trouble. She spends a decent amount of her time here too though. Her daughter, Vala, stayed here because she wants to be one of the matriarchs one day.”

She quieted for a couple minutes to let him absorb everything she had told him. As she drove, she started to see some of the familiar signs that she was getting close to home. Little hunting stands up in the trees that she could only see because she knew exactly where to look. The creeks that followed the land all the way up into the Embrace and to Mother’s Heart. She had just maneuvered the switch from concrete to gravel roads when Nil spoke again. 

“So you’re not alone in leaving the Nora then. There are others who have left.” 

Aloy’s heart constricted and her voice was hoarse when she said, “Yes. But not the same way. Most who leave either come back eventually or they split their time. Most don’t leave because they’re angry and most don’t leave forever.” 

A warm hand covered hers where she gripped the steering wheel tight. “You didn’t leave forever. You still go back to see them.” 

Forcing herself to breathe and focus on driving, Aloy gave him a quick little smile. “I know. I know,” she muttered to herself again. Clearing her throat, she pushed on. “Rost is my father and he sticks to the old ways pretty strictly.” 

“Which is part of the reason you two don’t get along?” 

Aloy sighed. “It’s not that we don’t get along, we just… we’re better than we used to be. He still doesn’t approve of me leaving but he’s mostly accepted it now. He’ll probably be a bit overbearing with you though,” she added apologetically. 

“Because you’re bringing home a strange man who isn’t Nora?” The humor in Nil’s voice let her know it wasn’t anything he didn’t expect. “I’d be more surprised if they accepted me wholeheartedly, little huntress.” 

“Well that’s a good perspective to have,” she said, before scrambling to correct herself. “Not that they’ll be rude to you or anything. Most are very nice and they won’t give you any trouble, it’s just that Rost is-”

“Your dad,” Nil finished. “Thanks for giving me the warning, Aloy, I’ll make sure I’m on my best behavior.” 

She didn’t miss the little note of self-disparagement in his tone and she glanced over to find him fiddling with the sunglasses he had taken off while they talked. Catching his hand, she tugged it down between them and interlaced their fingers. “You don’t need to be on your best behavior, Nil, just be yourself. That’s why I- why I want you here with me.” 

If Nil noticed the way she stumbled over her words, he didn’t say anything. Peeking over at him, she saw the fading light fall over the sharp planes of his face and she resisted the urge to trace it with her fingers. She’d be fine this weekend, since he was here with her. 

***

When she pulled up to the gates surrounding Mother’s Heart, the dirt parking lot was already packed with cars. It wasn’t a big lot but Aloy had to swing into a spot in the grass along the edge. Hopping out of the truck, she and Nil grabbed their bags from the bed and she led him up the path to the gates. 

“We’re probably one of the last ones here, judging by the lot. They usually don’t stay up too late tonight since they wake up early on Saturday but I figure there’ll be a couple waiting to see if I actually show up.” 

Nil strode close enough to her that their arms brushed with every step and finally he took her hand when she went to mess with her necklaces for probably the fifth time. “Calm down, huntress. Everything will be fine.” 

Smiling at him, Aloy closed the distance to kiss him quick and hard before pulling him the last few steps to the gates. Knocking loudly, she stepped back to make room for the big doors to push outwards as Mother’s Heart opened to them. 

“Aloy!” 

Before she could do more than take a step, Aloy was engulfed in a tight hug. Pulling her hand from Nil’s, she returned the hug more gently, the scent of burning herbs and that quintessential old woman smell enveloping her. After a few long moments, Teersa gave her a final squeeze before pulling back to study her face. 

“You’re getting older, child,” she said, holding Aloy’s shoulders as she looked her up and down. 

“That does tend to happen,” Aloy replied drily, trying not to fidget.

Teersa tutted. “If you came home more often, I wouldn’t even notice.” Finally noticing her companion, the matriarch turned to Nil. “And who is this handsome young man you’ve brought? We were expecting to see Avad.” 

“He had an exhibit opening up so he couldn’t make it. This is Nil,” she said, reaching out to hold his hand again and bring him closer, “our boyfriend.” Her voice was firm and she was too busy staring Teersa down, daring her to say something, to see Nil’s gaze jerk to her.

With a knowing look, Teersa turned to him. “Hello, Nil, I’m glad you could come this weekend. We’re glad to have you here, especially with our runaway daughter.” 

Aloy was tempted to mutter that she wasn’t a runaway, but she tried to keep in mind that she wasn’t nineteen anymore so she kept her mouth shut. 

Ever the gentleman, Nil nodded to Teersa. “I’m happy to be here, ma’am.” His face was a bit redder than usual and Aloy wasn’t entirely sure what had caused it but he seemed to be fine now. 

“Call me Teersa, please, and come on in.”

Following her up the steps, Aloy was about to ask where they were staying this time when she heard a deep voice say her name. Looking up, she saw Rost standing at the top of the stairs. Decked out in his traditional leathers and furs, his walking stick in hand, the big man was just as imposing as she always remembered him being when she was young. Blue paint marked his face in his mother’s pattern and the stern expression he usually wore melted into something a touch softer when she met his pale gaze. 

Leaving Nil and Teersa behind, Aloy ran up the last few steps to throw her arms around him. He was warm and solid and she blinked back unbidden tears as he tentatively returned the hug. “Hi, dad,” she whispered.

“Aloy,” he responded, as if just her name encompassed everything he had to say to her. 

Making sure her tears stayed where they belonged, Aloy pulled away as Nil and Teersa joined them. “Sorry I was gone for so long,” she whispered.

As if sensing the emotions raging too close to the surface, Nil came up beside her to put his hand on her lower back. The reminder of his presence gave her the strength to push a smile on her face as she turned to him. Concern glimmered in his grey eyes but she knew he could tell who this new person was without being told. 

“Nil, this is my father, Rost. Dad, this is Nil.” 

Nil reached his hand out and Rost took it after a moment, wearing an expression she couldn’t read as he contemplated the man standing extremely close to her. Not sure whether he had heard her introduce him to Teersa, she added, “He’s my and Avad’s boyfriend.”

This time, she felt Nil’s hand tighten where he was gripping her hip and she looked up to find the blush she’d seen before climbing back up. _Oh._ It had been the first time she’d called him her boyfriend. Now she felt her own face going red and she tore her gaze from him to find her father studying the both of them. 

Panic took hold and she looked to an amused Teersa. “So! Where are we staying tonight? The usual guest lodge?”

Teersa was covering her mouth with a hand, stifling her laughter, Aloy assumed. At her question, the matriarch waved a hand at them and said, “Well we have your usual room prepared, but Nil will have to stay in one of the empty ones.” 

Aloy blinked at her, embarrassment forgotten. “What- oh. We haven’t been blessed yet.”

“Blessed?” Nil chimed in, confusion knitting his brows.

Rost sighed. “A couple must be blessed before they’re allowed to share a room or living space. That includes guests,” he added with a pointed glance at Aloy. Turning to Nil, he grudgingly continued, “She and Avad received their blessing the last time she came, over a year ago.” 

Wincing slightly, Aloy gave Nil a rueful glance. “Sorry, I forgot about that.”

“It’s fine, little huntress. I can sleep alone just fine.” 

Disappointment still nagged at her, but she made small talk with Teersa and Rost as they walked through the town. Along the way, she pointed out the main areas to Nil, explaining little pieces of Nora life. By the time they got to the lodges, the tour was mostly done and the moon was rising. They dropped Nil off first, Aloy kissing him goodnight outside his door, then Teersa and Rost took her a floor up to her room. 

Before Avad started going with her, she’d spent the gathering weekends at Rost’s house. It wasn’t too far from Mother’s Heart and they could either walk or ride to town to participate in all the festivities. That said, she didn’t come back very often in those days either. Things got easier when she’d started coming with Avad and staying in the communal lodge in Mother’s Heart. One of the reasons being a decline in the amount of lectures Rost gave her about her duty to the Nora. 

She could sense one of those lectures brewing now, but to her surprise, Rost stayed quiet for a little while after Teersa bid them goodnight. Standing outside the door to her room, Rost began fidgeting when she didn’t speak right away. The sight stunned her and anything she had planned on saying abandoned her. She’d never seen him nervous before. 

Finally, Rost cleared his throat. “Did you have a good drive?”

 _That_ was what he wanted to ask? Exasperation filtered through her. “It was a long drive. I’m tired, Rost, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She turned to go into her room but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “I missed you,” he said gruffly. He wasn’t even looking at her, his eyes on the floor between them. “I’m sorry if I was the reason you stayed away for so long.” 

Aloy covered his hand with her own, but she knew if she tried to hug him, he’d only back away. “I missed you, too, but you know my reasons are more complicated than that.” When he didn’t answer, she sighed. “Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

He nodded. Withdrawing his hand, Rost backed up a step and Aloy couldn’t help the heartache the absence caused. Rost murmured a goodnight to her and strode down the hall and out of her sight just before she felt a tear escape. 

Entering the dark room assigned to her, Aloy tossed her bag on the bed before scrubbing her hands over her face. Instead of collapsing on her bed beside it, she went through the motions of getting ready to sleep. When push came to shove, she stared at the empty bed and couldn’t bring herself to get in it. 

Grabbing just her phone and her key, Aloy locked up her room and snuck down the flight of stairs. She’d taken note of which room was Nil’s when they dropped him off and she tried the door and found it unlocked. Slipping inside, she flipped the lock before making her way through the darkness. 

Sprawled out on the bed, the sheets pushed to his naked waist, Nil watched her with amusement. Once she noticed that he was still awake, she stopped trying to be stealthy and propped her fists on her hips to stare him down. “You really should lock your door at night.”

He cocked a pierced eyebrow at her. “When I know you’re just going to sneak down here anyway? I’m too lazy to deal with that.”

Aloy snorted before putting her own key on the dresser and slipping into bed with him. Wrapping an arm over his waist, she snuggled into his side, resting her head on his chest as he brought his hand up to stroke her hair. 

“What happened?” he whispered.

“What makes you think something happened?”

Nil stayed silent, until Aloy couldn’t take it any longer. “Rost asked me if he was the reason I stayed away for so long. He had the gall to tell me he missed me!” Anger urged her voice louder but she tried to stay quiet. Nothing good would come of her being found in his room. 

With a calmness that almost infuriated her more, Nil asked, _“Is_ he the reason you stayed away so long?” 

“No! Yes.” Aloy let out a disgusted noise. “Maybe, I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” Now she knew amusement lingered in his voice and she pushed up to glare at him. 

“It’s complicated!”

“So it seems.” Nil dropped the smirk, brushing her hair out of her face. “Come on, little huntress, tell me what’s going on.” 

Aloy dropped her head back down, curling up against him until his warmth started seeping into her cold bones. “I’ll have to start at the beginning.” When he didn’t reply, she sighed. “Rost isn’t my real father. I actually have no idea who my real father is. My mother’s name was Elisabet Sobeck and she was Nora. She grew up here in the Sacred Lands but she wasn’t happy. She wanted to know so much more than she could ever learn here so she left when she was a teen. No one here heard from her ever again, though they later learned that she’d become an amazing scientist and engineer.”

“Sounds like someone I know,” Nil said softly. 

“I’m nowhere near as good as she was. Elisabet did _amazing_ things, she did so much good with her life. She never got married but she got pregnant when she was forty-five. No one I’ve found ever knew who the father was, but they told me that Elisabet was so happy. She’d been so busy that she never thought she’d get the chance to be a mother.” Grief for a woman she’d never known swelled up inside her and she choked past the lump in her throat to continue. “I was born on April 4th, healthy and strong. It was also the day my mother died.” 

Nil made a sympathetic noise, shifting to draw her fully into his arms. He threw a leg over hers to pull her closer and he kissed her forehead gently. “I’m so sorry, Aloy. That’s a terrible burden to bear.” 

“I never even got to meet her. She was taken from me before I got the chance,” Aloy whispered. Silent tears fell down her face as she struggled to keep them back but Nil just kept stroking her hair, letting her cry on him as much as she needed. Finally, the tears slowed and she sniffled pathetically. “Goddess, I’m sorry. That’s not even what you asked me about.”

“You don’t have to apologize, sweetheart. Talk about whatever you want.” He pressed more kisses across her face, no doubt tasting the tears where they stained her skin. 

“Thank you. Anyway, there was no one out there to take me in after Elisabet died so the state sent me back here. Teersa is actually my great-grandmother, but she was too old to take care of a newborn so they gave me to Rost.” 

“Was he also related to your mother?”

“No,” she said sadly. “No relation beyond being Nora, but he used to have a little girl so Teersa asked if he could take me in. He agreed, obviously, though it must have been so hard for him. His mate and daughter had been murdered a few years before I was born. For years, he lived alone in the woods without talking to anyone, not until Teersa came to him one day with a baby girl in her arms. And that was it. Rost raised me as his own, all the way until the day I left the Sacred Lands when I was nineteen.”

Nil was quiet when she finished, though his hands kept up the soothing strokes across her skin and hands. When she was so relaxed she thought she might actually fall asleep in his arms, he said, “Losing his family only to gain a new one must have been terrifying. I can understand why he found it hard to talk to you.”

She’d thought she had run out of them, but more tears pressed against her eyes. “But he’s been my father for over twenty-two years now! Understanding why he pulls away from me doesn’t make it any easier when he won’t tell me that he loves me.” Nil let her talk, getting out all the pain she felt whenever she saw her father. “I know he loves me, I know it. But he refuses to actually say it, like somehow it negates how much he used to love Alana. How much he still loves her.”

Breathing hard, Aloy tried to keep down the words trying to burst forth but she couldn’t stop herself. “I just want him to admit that he wants me around! Is that so much to ask? I want him to tell me he loves me and that he’s okay with who I turned out to be and that he doesn’t regret taking me in.” 

Shifting, Nil sat up to lean against the headboard, drawing Aloy into his lap so he could hold her close. Pulling up one of the blankets from the foot of the bed, he wrapped it around her until her shivering slowed. Once she was comfortably curled up, he tipped her chin up to kiss her gently. “I wish the two of you didn’t have that weight between you, Aloy.”

“Me neither,” she sighed. 

Minutes passed as Nil kept her safe in his arms. Slowly, the pain ebbed and she could breathe again. When she felt more or less normal, she propped her head on his shoulder to stare up at him adoringly. “Thank you, Nil. As you probably figured out, coming back here brings up a lot of memories.”

“You’re welcome, huntress. I’m honored you felt you could trust me with your feelings.” His voice was deep, the rumble of it spreading through his chest and against her own, reminding her of how close he held her.

Just for a few minutes, she wanted to forget where she was and be reminded of the woman she was now. Shifting until she was straddling Nil’s lap, Aloy skimmed her hands up his arms to settle on either side of his neck. She flicked at the little moon charm hanging off the choker he never seemed to take off before looking up to meet his eyes. Grey eyes turned silver in the moonlight itself that spilled in through his window and they were softer than anything she’d seen as he watched her. 

Stroking her fingertips up the column of his neck, the sharp angle of his jaw, Aloy brushed her thumb over his full bottom lip before leaning in close to kiss him. Nil moved against her in perfect harmony. Gripping her hip with one hand, he cupped the nape of her neck with the other, his fingers tangling in her hair. When that wasn’t enough, Aloy ground herself down on his lap until she felt him start to harden beneath her. 

“Aloy,” he groaned against her mouth. “Aloy, are you sure you want to do this right now? Here?” 

In reply, Aloy stripped her shirt off, leaving her bare from the waist up. When he still didn’t move, just stared at her with dark eyes, she took his hands and put them on her waist. “Yes, Nil, I’m sure. I need you to touch me. I need to feel wanted right now.”

His hesitation gone, Nil dragged her down to rock against him, leaning in to kiss her again. “You are wanted, Aloy. By all of your friends in the city who love you. By me and by Avad.” With every word, he kissed down her neck and across her chest. When she arched against him, he used his weight to flip them over gently. When they settled down against the bed, she was underneath him and he continued his path of kisses down her body. 

Reaching her breasts, he pulled back to look her in the eye as he fondled one of them. He plucked at her nipple gently, until she was tempted to tell him to be rough with her, but he spoke first. “You know that don’t you? How wonderful you are and how many people adore you?” His words struck that wounded thread inside her and she gasped. 

Covering her body with his own, Nil traced his lips across her skin to take her other nipple in his mouth, sucking at it until she writhed beneath him. Aloy threaded her fingers through his hair, clutching at the silky strands as one of his hands slipped lower, into her pants to caress the curls above her core. 

“Please…” Aloy moaned. 

Leaving her breasts, Nil rose up to kiss her softly. “Quiet, love. We can’t have anyone finding you in my room, hm? Just lay back and let me make you feel good.”

Gasping out her agreement, Aloy felt his fingers spread her open, seeking and finding the little bundle of nerves that he circled gently. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to stay quiet for very long on her own, she brought her hand up to bite her knuckles. 

Nil chuckled when he looked up. “If only I had a gag on hand.”

Heat spiked through her and, frustrated, Aloy moaned. Wrapping her legs around him, she tried to pull him in tight, but he braced himself against her. No matter what she tried, he took his time. Patiently, he kissed and licked his way down from her tender breasts and across her stomach to settle between her legs after he stripped off her leggings and panties. 

Spreading her legs apart, Nil licked a slow stripe up her slit and Aloy stifled a cry against her hand as he did it again and again. When she thought she’d go crazy, he stopped. Pressing a kiss to her thigh, he smiled up at her. “Doing alright, huntress?” 

“I’d do better if you would touch me like you mean it,” she snapped. 

With a wicked grin, Nil nipped at her thigh where he had kissed her. “I’ll touch you if you’re a good girl and keep quiet.”

Baring her teeth at him, Aloy stayed quiet, though it became more difficult as he kept to his promise and went back to using his tongue to drive her mad. As he worked her over slowly and firmly, his thumbs drew circles against her thighs as he pushed them wider. Each touch drove her higher, until she broke under the pressure of his lips on her clit. It took every scrap of willpower she had left to keep from crying out, but when the waves of ecstasy faded, her hand still covered her mouth. 

Nil’s fingers replaced his mouth and he stroked her softly, watching her face as she squirmed at his touch. “You really are gorgeous, especially like this.” 

Dropping her hand, she tugged at his shoulder until he moved up to kiss her. She claimed his lips fiercely, wrapping her legs around him until he ground against her. Nil was hard beneath his briefs and he rocked into her until the friction had them both gasping. Impatiently, Aloy reached down to pull at his waistband until she freed his cock. 

Her grip on him made Nil hiss out a sharp breath before he tugged her hand off of him and pressed it into the bed beside her head. Aloy struggled for a minute before Nil settled fully on top of her, his cock pressed against her core with the most delicious heat. Thrusting against her wet slit, he groaned. “Fuck, Aloy, you’re perfect.” 

Wordlessly, she tugged on his hips, urging him on until he lined himself up and thrust into her. Nil managed to muffle her just in time, covering her mouth with his as she cried out. Sheathing himself inside her fully, Nil shuddered above her. Curling her hand around his neck, Aloy kept him close as she kissed him fiercely. 

They stayed like that for a long moment, Nil’s cock hilted inside her, until she couldn’t bear it any longer.

_“Nil-”_

“I got you, sweetheart,” he murmured, nuzzling his face into her neck. Nil pulled out inch by inch, so slowly she thought it would kill her, until finally just the head was still inside her. Digging her nails into his back, Aloy whimpered. As if that was the reaction he was waiting for, Nil thrust, filling her up just as slow and smooth as the first time. 

Steadily, he took her apart, piece by piece, until she couldn’t focus on anything except how it felt to be filled and surrounded by him. Every once in a while, he would slide a hand down to press against her bud. It was never enough to push her over but it kept her teetering on the edge of euphoria for longer than she thought possible. 

By the time his thrusts started to come faster and rougher, Aloy was breathing hard. Arching up, she rolled her hips against his until Nil hit a spot inside her that made her see stars. Her cry was quickly muffled by his hand gently covering her mouth, and she felt him smile against her throat as he laughed breathlessly. “That’s it, my little huntress, come for me.” 

When he ground against her on his next thrust, Aloy did fall apart, clutching onto him for dear life as any sense left abandoned her. Nil kept up his pace, prolonging the ripples of pleasure that continued to crest inside her. Finally, his hips stuttered in their rhythm and she felt him bite down on her shoulder to muffle his own groan as he came. 

Once she knew she could stay quiet, Aloy pulled his hand off of her mouth, intertwining their fingers as she buried her face in his messy hair. Nil kissed over the little marks he’d made, and she felt his soft sigh as he relaxed fully on top of her. 

“Thank you for taking care of me,” she whispered. Bringing up her free hand, she brushed her fingers through his hair the way she knew he liked. Nil let out a pleased little grunt but when he didn’t move, she squeezed her knees against his hips playfully. “But unless you want to squish me, you need to get up.” 

Pouting, Nil pushed up, bracing his hands on either side of her. Aloy smiled up at him sleepily and he leaned down to kiss her once, then again. “It’s my honor to take care of you, Aloy.”

***

Aloy woke early the next morning. Something about being back in the Sacred Lands always reset her internal timer to what it was when she was growing up so she woke before sunrise. Just in time to see the barest lights start to change the sky and allowing her the best chance to sneak back to her room without being seen.

Sprawled out next to her, Nil was still fast asleep. His arm was slung across the bed, apparently her pillow, and his face was turned towards her even in sleep. As much as she wanted to just forget Nora traditions, Aloy knew she couldn’t fall back asleep with him. Instead, she kissed him firmly, and again and again, rousing him from sleep in her favorite way. 

When he reached up to cup her cheek and kiss her back, his movements clumsy and only half-awake, she pulled back. “I have to go upstairs to my own room, okay? I’ll be back down soon to take you to breakfast.” 

Nil smiled at her, everything about him sweet and sleepy and her heart couldn’t handle it. Kissing him again, Aloy lingered this time on the burning realization that had been building over the last few weeks. She loved this man. She loved the way he talked about the things he enjoyed and the way he touched her and the care he showed both her and Avad, despite being unused to anything like the relationship they had. He had listened to her last night, comforted her while she cried, and held her like she was precious to him, like he might love her too. 

She loved him and she hated that she couldn’t tell him yet. 

It was obvious, enough that he didn’t even need to tell them, that no one had ever loved him the way he deserved. If his reaction to her calling him their boyfriend was any indication, she didn’t want to tell him something that important here in the middle of her family gathering, when she had snuck into his room like a rebellious teen. 

No, she wanted to tell him at home, when Avad could be there and she could make sure he knew exactly how much she meant it. 

Nil was the one to break this kiss, keen eyes searching her face. “Something going on this morning?”

Biting her lip to keep the grin off her face, Aloy said, “Nothing special, I just wanted to kiss you.” 

“Well, I can’t complain,” he drawled. “But you should get moving if you don’t want grandma Teersa to scold you.” That said, he flipped over onto his stomach and was asleep again in seconds. 

Choking back laughter, Aloy did as he said, sneaking through the halls and back up to her own room. Once there, she leaned back against the closed door for a minute, basking in the joy she felt running through every fiber of her being. She let herself linger for only a minute though before she started getting ready for the day. 

She donned some of her old clothes, leather and fur trimming the soft cloth of her shirt, skirt, and leggings. After adding a few beads to her braids, she pulled on her boots before double checking that her bow was working well. A soft chime filled the air and she checked her phone to find that it miraculously had service right now.

 **Avad (7:26 am):** _Is everything going alright? Do you want to talk at all?_

Fond amusement made her smile and she texted him back before leaving her phone on the nightstand. 

**Aloy (7:27 am):** _everything’s fine, stop worrying. Nil has been wonderful and I’m doing okay, so try to focus on your art. I love you_

Less than half an hour after she’d left him, Aloy was knocking on Nil’s door. A few Nora nodded at her as they passed by, everyone making their way down to the kitchen to grab food. Bouncing up and down on her heels, Aloy was about to yank the door open herself when Nil answered. 

Clad only in his briefs, he stood unashamed in the open doorway before beckoning her in. For a minute, all she could do was stare at the muscular expanse of naked skin, her gaze dipping lower as he turned. 

“Are you going to keep staring or are you going to actually come in and help me?”

Shaking herself, Aloy closed the door behind her. “What do you need help with?”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Nil started scraping his hair back into a bun. “Do the Nora have ceremonial clothes they prefer we wear or should I go out as I am?”

“They usually keep sets of clothes in the dressers for guests if you want to use them on the hunt,” she mused as she made her way over and opened up a couple of the drawers. “Ah, here we go.” Aloy tossed him a pair of pants, a shirt, and one of the winding Nora belts. “Those should fit but let me know if they don’t, they have a few sizes in here.”

While Nil donned the brown clothes, Aloy found a fur lined coat and a scarf in the little closet by the bathroom. When she turned back, she stopped in her tracks. The tanned leather pants fit him perfectly and with the longer tunic-style shirt, he looked so much like a Nora that her heart skipped a beat. 

Grey eyes flickered up to meet hers and he grinned at her crookedly. “Not a good look for me?”

“No! No, it- it looks good on you,” she finished weakly. Moving over, she handed him the last pieces she held. “Here, you’ll want the coat while we’re out, it gets pretty cold here. The scarf is for visibility, we all tend to wear something bright.” Aloy touched her own scarf, a bright blue and worn from the years she’d used it. 

Still smirking at her, Nil put them on. The splash of bright red from his scarf would definitely work to let other hunters see him, she thought sternly. Truthfully, Aloy wasn’t sure how to feel about seeing Nil dressed in Nora clothing. Avad never hunted with them, so he usually just wore his own clothes. She hadn’t expected to feel so much when she gave the clothes to Nil, but she couldn’t deny the fact that he looked irrepressibly hot in them. 

“You’ve got your bow ready?” she asked when he was done pulling on his matching pair of boots. 

Nil nodded, grabbing the Voice of Our Teeth from where it leaned against the wall. “Ready to get your blood pumping, huntress?”

Laughing, Aloy led him down to the first floor and into the big kitchen. They grabbed a quick snack and Aloy stuffed some more food into a compartment on her belt for later, urging him to do the same. “We’ll be out there most of the day, you might as well not go hungry.” 

Following her orders, Nil stocked up on his own food and they followed the trickle of Nora out of the building towards the edge of the woods. Poised on top of a little dais were three hunters, all clad much like them. Sona always led the hunts, Vala and Varl at her side for the last few years. They wouldn’t start the hunt until everyone was gathered so for now hunters were just milling around. 

When she caught sight of Aloy, Vala’s face lit up and she vaulted down from the dais to stride over. “Aloy! I heard you came back late last night!”

A genuine smile lit Aloy’s face and she returned the hug Vala wrapped her in. When she pulled back, Vala looked her up and down. “You look like you’re still decently fit enough to be out here.”

Aloy rolled her eyes. “Living in the city does not automatically mean I lose all of my skills, Vala. I can still beat you on the trail if you need the challenge.” 

“So fierce! Maybe I didn’t miss you.” Her sharp brown eyes landed on Nil. “You brought someone who actually hunts?” Admiration was evident in her tone and she stuck her hand out for him to shake. “I’m Vala, Aloy’s childhood best friend.”

He shook her hand, a smile playing about his lips. “I’m Nil, and yes, I do actually hunt.”

“I look forward to seeing you in action,” Vala said. Before she could say anything else, Sona called out for her and she swung around to leave. “Find me tonight, Aloy, and we can catch up a bit more!”

After she left, Aloy looked over to find Nil smiling at her. “What?”

“That’s one person here you don’t have complicated feelings about,” he said quietly.

Aloy laughed. “She was my first friend, gave me a chance when none of the other kids would.” Vala had been steadfast in her friendship and was probably one of the only reasons Aloy made it through high school. The only time it had gotten complicated was when they started fooling around, but they were never serious about each other romantically so eventually they settled back into their friendship before Aloy left the Sacred Lands. 

When she climbed up onto the dais again, Varl spotted Aloy and waved at her for a second before Sona called for the hunters. 

“Nora hunters! It’s time for our monthly hunt. Most of you know the rules” - her eyes caught on Aloy and Nil and her expression darkened for a second - “but some of you do not. One kill each, to be brought back and prepared for our feast tonight. All of our spoils to be used for the good of the Nora. Good luck and may the goddess favor you.” 

With that, the drums sounded and the hunters scattered. Not to be outdone, Aloy and Nil sprinted off in the direction she had pointed out on their way in. She’d explained the details of the hunt to him during the drive the day before; essentially it was just to put food on the table for the feast but all of the hunters enjoyed the competition of finding the biggest prey and using it to claim the reigning title for a month. Most would make it back around mid-afternoon to spend the evening lounging about playing games and drinking before the feast. 

Aloy had a slightly different plan for them today. She angled away from Mother’s Heart, leading Nil along a trail that she could have followed in her sleep. Uphill they went, him shadowing her silently as the mountains blocked out the sky. Only a few minutes later, a log cabin came into view. A little bridge crossed the stream running by the house and Aloy stepped across it before finally slowing and turning to offer her hand to Nil. 

“This is where I grew up. My home,” she said softly. 

Slipping his hand into hers, Nil turned to take in her childhood home. She watched as his bright grey eyes roved over the house backed up against the mountain. Trees dotted the land and there was a little stable off to the side with a couple horses sticking their heads out of their stalls to see who had come. The air was still and peaceful and Aloy breathed in the old familiar scents. 

“It’s beautiful,” Nil said quietly, as if raising his voice any louder would disturb the atmosphere. 

Close to the wooden bridge was a shrine, stones and carvings covered in candles and flowers. Before she approached the house, Aloy pulled away from him to kneel before it. As much as she didn’t believe the same way as Rost, she still sent up a prayer to Gaia every time she visited now. When she opened her eyes, she found Nil had knelt next to her, his gaze on the pictures framed in the center. 

“Rost’s mate and child?” he asked when he saw that she was looking his way. 

Aloy nodded. “Alana was only six when she died.” Reaching out, she trailed her fingertips over the little girl’s bright smile. The picture looked to be a school one, probably from the beginning of first grade, when she would have been looking forward to joining the bigger kids. “I wish I could have met her.” 

A whisper beside her made her turn back to Nil, only to find his own head bowed and his lips moving so quietly. Only a moment passed before he looked up and Aloy smiled at him. “I didn’t think you believed in anything.”

“I believe that honor should be given to those who deserved more from this world.” Shrugging off the weight of his words, Nil gracefully stood, reaching out to pull her up to him. 

Lifting up on her toes, Aloy pressed a kiss to his jaw before pulling him further in to introduce him to someone else. “This,” she said grandly, “is Demeter.”

Broad and tall, the horse was a glossy chestnut and she side-eyed Nil for a minute before stretching her head out to butt her nose against Aloy’s chest. Laughing, Aloy brushed her hands through Demeter’s mane, whispering a greeting to her old girl. The smell of hay surrounded them here by the stable and Aloy dug out one of the apples she had grabbed from the kitchen to feed to her horse. 

“Can I?” Nil asked, reaching his hand out. At Aloy’s nod, he let Demeter sniff him for a second before running his hand over her neck and shoulder. “You are a gorgeous girl, aren’t you?”

“I’ve had her for years. Leaving her here was one of the hardest things about leaving the Sacred Lands.”

“I’ve been taking good care of her,” came a deep voice from behind them and Aloy turned to find Rost standing at the top of the porch stairs. 

She smiled up at him sadly. “I knew you would.”

With a little huff, Rost looked as if he _almost_ smiled. Too soon the expression faded into his characteristic frown. “Are you going to see her today?” Aloy didn’t need to ask who he meant, only nodded. “Don’t forget to bring back a trophy for the hunt.” 

“I won’t,” she promised. With that, she tugged on the hem of Nil’s jacket before jogging back out of the yard and down the trail. 

When they were a little ways away, Nil asked, “Why doesn’t he take part in the hunt?”

“Rost doesn’t usually take part in many of the big events. After his family were killed, he kept mostly to himself and he hasn’t been comfortable around a lot of people ever since. He would have brought his own contribution for the feast in last night though.” Forcing a smile on her face, Aloy glanced over at him. “Ready to visit another grave with me?”

Nil met her gaze steadily. “I’m with you, huntress.”

This trek took longer and they passed through countless fields and by several more homes before they reached a ranch on the edge of the Sacred Lands. Out front was a triangle of little prairie roses with a gravestone set inside and Aloy stepped past the border to kneel down. A picture of a woman who looked strikingly like herself was framed on the stone, her green-gold eyes intense and a soft smile on her lips. Once again, she sent up a prayer, this time for her mother. And again, she felt Nil crouch next to her, his presence warm and comforting. 

After a few long moments, after she whispered to her mother the journey her life had taken over the past year, Aloy fell silent for a moment. Her gaze flicked to Nil out of the corner of her eye before focusing back on the picture of Elisabet. “This is Nil. Avad and I met him a few months ago and he’s… we like him a lot. I wish you could meet the both of them. They make me happy.” She could feel a blush working its way up her neck so Aloy said goodbye and stood to leave her mother’s grave. 

“Ready to hunt?” 

Nil wore an almost feral grin. “Want to see who can bring down the biggest prey?”

Laughing at the challenge, Aloy accepted. 

They spent the next few hours leaving behind the dead to stalk through the woods, discarding the ones they deemed too small. It was the first time Aloy had a partner for this hunt and it was more fun than she’d ever had alone. They might have gotten distracted once or twice, stealing kisses in the woods before they remembered the task at hand. By the time mid afternoon had rolled around, they had brought their contributions in - a large boar for her and a doe for Nil. Neither of them were deemed the unofficial winners but hers was larger than the boar Resh had brought in so Aloy took silent pride in the glare he sent her. 

As the sun began to descend, Aloy took Nil through Mother’s Heart again, this time able to point out everything she had missed last night. Everyone was starting to gather in one of the large meeting areas outside of the matriarch’s lodge. Tables and benches were spread out and the Nora filled them as many of them began bringing out trays of food and drink. 

Spying Vala, Aloy made her way to where several of her friends sat, Nil beside her. There weren’t many she counted as friends, but they all gathered together at one of the tables along the edge. Vala and Varl were among them, Nakoa with a grumpy looking Yan, and Fia and Arana rounded out the group. Aloy let out a silent sigh of relief - last time, Bast had decided he wanted to annoy her so he’d made a nuisance of himself the entire feast. Putting him and Nil at the same table would not make for a nice meal. 

But one person was missing. “Where’s-”

“Sahad? What are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got to sneak in a few more canon references than usual in this chapter and I loved it so I hope you did too! Got to see quite of few of my Nora faves (and a couple mentions of our resident assholes too) which I loved getting to include in this chapter.
> 
> As it always happens with modern aus, I did take some aspects of the Nora and twisted them a little. As you'll notice, they mostly stay true to canon because of their focus on tradition and their unifying belief in the goddess but I really enjoyed getting to explore how the Nora would operate in a modern setting.


	11. I Think You'd Better Take My Hand: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is Sahad? Aloy and Nil both have to deal with the stress of their last night in Mother's Heart and it boils over until they snap under the pressure. 
> 
> As with last week, the title of this chapter comes from Junesong Provision by Coheed and Cambria.

“Sahad? What are you doing here?”

Aloy was turning to greet Teb when she noticed Nil stiffen and Teb’s words registered. Glancing over at her old friend, she saw his focus centered on the man beside her, confusion drawing his brows tight. 

Putting her hand on Nil’s arm, she found him so tense she thought he might snap if she pushed too hard. “Nil?” she asked hesitantly. 

The sound of what she had thought was his name seemed to shock him out of his stupor and he slanted a look at her that spoke volumes. Shame and wry amusement both as he murmured low enough that only she could have heard, “Ah, I’m sorry, huntress. This isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” 

Before she could even figure out what that meant, Nil turned to face Teb with that little smirk of his. “Hello, Dr. Webber.” Looking back and forth between the two of them, the pieces started to fall into place even before Nil said, “Teb is my therapist, Aloy. I didn’t realize he was Nora though.” He tossed an amused look at her friend even as she felt his hand land tentatively on her lower back. 

He wouldn’t meet her gaze. His touch was hesitant and she could feel the barest trembling of his fingers even as he held the rest of his body perfectly still. She’d known he wasn’t telling them something, but his _name?_

Teb had gone silent, glancing back and forth between them and Aloy saw a realization form as his mouth dropped open just a little. “You two should probably talk about this,” he said, grimacing. “I’m sorry, Nil.” Walking past them to the table, he squeezed Aloy’s shoulder for a second. 

She could only assume it was another kind of apology but all of her attention was on the man she loved. 

“We’ll be back in a minute,” she called over her shoulder before she unceremoniously grabbed Nil’s hand and dragged him away from the feast and into a little alcove between a couple buildings. 

When Nil went to pull away from her, she wouldn’t let him go. 

“Aloy-”

“Sahad?” she whispered. 

He flinched, as if the name hurt him. Again, he was turned away from her, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders hunched ever so slightly. An image of Nil, shaking and scared on her couch, came to her and she reached up to cup his cheek in her hand. Gently, she coaxed him into looking at her. 

His jaw was so tight under her fingertips that for a moment she was afraid he’d crack a tooth before he let himself meet her gaze. When she could finally see his beautiful grey eyes, she said softly, “Just tell me what’s going on, Nil. I won’t yell, I promise, I just want to understand.”

Nil let his free hand fall to her waist, though she didn’t know if he meant to pull her close or push her away. “My name _is_ legally Nil Argent. But it’s not… the name I was born with. Teb calls me Sahad, though I left that name behind years ago. He says it’s good for me to be reminded of who I used to be,” he said with a weak smile. 

“Did you change your name because of your father?” 

“In a way,” he said. At her exasperated look, he continued, “When the bastard died, I was left to the wolves of the world. Several bad choices later and I am where you see me.” Grandly, he gestured at himself.

Aloy snorted. “You’re being particularly vague, Nil.” 

Sobering, he took her other hand to hold them both in his own. “Give me time to find the words to tell you my story, huntress? I’d rather tell you and Avad together as well.”

She considered him for a moment before sighing. “You know you can trust us right? We want you to take the time you need but if we’re not making you feel safe-”

Nil cut her off with a quick kiss. “I trust you, huntress. It just doesn’t come easily to me.”

Pulling him back down, Aloy kissed him again. And again after that. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she felt him finally relax as he pulled her close. “We’ll be happy to listen whenever you’re ready.”

His only response was to hold her tighter. 

After a few moments, they returned to the feast. Settling down at their table, Aloy shared a look with Teb but neither of them said anything about their mutual connection. Nil was quieter for the rest of the night, though she kept a hold of his hand under the table for most of the meal and he seemed to relax a bit. 

When Nil left to find the bathroom, Aloy found herself pulled aside. Giving her a quick hug, Teb said, “I’m so sorry, I was surprised to see him here and I just spoke without thinking.”

“It’s fine, Teb, you don’t have to apologize for anything.” Aloy pulled back to give him a smile, laughing when she saw how worried he was. She’d met Teb when she was six or so and he’d been a teenager in the local high school. Older than the rest of them by a decade or so, he’d become almost their group mom with the way he fussed over them. It was no surprise to any of them when he’d left the Sacred Lands to become a therapist. 

Nil had mentioned going to a therapist before but she could never have imagined it was Teb. A man she’d known her whole life. Realization finally hit her and Aloy blushed from her chest all the way to the roots of her hair. “Teb, he- I mean, if he’s talked about us-” 

A matching flush rose in Teb’s cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck as he looked away from her. “You know I can’t talk about anything he’s told me.” Despite that, his face gave it away and she buried her face in her hands, groaning. 

“Goddess, now I’m the one who’s sorry,” she muttered. 

“We can just, um, forget that I know anything, okay? It’s all locked away when he’s not in my office.” Seeming just as eager to drop the topic, Teb started asking about Avad when she caught sight of Nil headed back their way, a troubled look on his face. 

Before she could go to him, Teb caught her arm with a serious look she’d never seen him wear.

"Aloy, I can’t tell you what we talk about, but Sahad - Nil - feels so much more than he ever talks about. Just... make sure he doesn't bottle up everything he needs to say until it's too late."

The words sent shivers down her back and Aloy looked back over to the man weaving through the crowd to get back to her. “I know,” she whispered. “We’re trying to get him to open up to us.” That was all she wanted, for him to be open with them so that they could be there for him. 

“You love him,” Teb said, dumbfounded. 

Aloy’s gaze whipped back to him but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. Under his stunned gaze, she couldn’t say anything other than the truth. “Yes. Yes, I love him.” 

Before Teb could respond, Nil was there and looking back and forth between them. A smile replaced the dark look he had been wearing, though she could still see the traces of it lingering around his eyes. “Are you spilling more of my secrets, Teb?”

Rolling his eyes, Teb said, “No. Except for surprises, I don’t tend to share confidential info.” 

Teb excused himself relatively quick and Aloy was left alone with Nil, though they were still surrounded by all of her people. Peering up at him, Aloy asked, “Are you okay? You looked worried about something when you were coming over.” 

“Your dad found me,” he said wryly. “Wanted to give me the standard concerned father talk.”

Nil caught her with an arm around her waist before she could storm off to find Rost and give him a piece of her mind. He had to practically haul her back when she struggled to get out of his grasp but Nil just laughed. Wrapping his other arm around her, he pulled her back against him fully. “Calm down, huntress, it’s fine. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“He has no right to lecture you about how to treat me right,” she muttered darkly. Despite her words, she settled in his embrace, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her and his breath tickling her neck. 

“He was going home anyway, though he said to tell you he’d see you tomorrow.” Planting a kiss on her shoulder, Nil loosened his hold on her enough that she could turn around to face him. 

He probably wanted to have that talk she had promised him last night. Groaning, she buried her face in Nil’s shirt, already trying to figure out ways to avoid it. Without their voices to put it off, the sounds of partying closed in around them. Their group had already begun to splinter, Vala fighting with Bast across the clearing and Nakoa sneaking off to goddess knew where. Aloy was considering whether or not to stay any longer when a yawn forced its way out of her.

Blinking back tears, she found Nil smiling down at her. “Time for bed?” he asked with a note of amusement. 

“Yeah,” she said, “it’s been a long day.” 

***

Nil hadn’t been sure whether or not she would sneak down to his room again that night - not after the revelation that had shocked her so much. There were times throughout the evening that he had been confident she would almost vibrate out of her skin with the amount of curiosity eating her up but she was true to her word and she didn’t ask. 

But sneak down she did and soon she was curled up in his arms. Neither of them made a move to take their soft kisses any further and he couldn’t help but be grateful. Seeing Teb today… well, he knew his therapist would never actually talk to Aloy about any of the things he had told him in their sessions, but it brought to the forefront all of the things he had yet to tell Aloy and Avad. 

It wasn’t too long before an exhausted Aloy fell asleep, but Nil found it harder to follow her example. Rost’s words still echoed in his head. 

“Nil. I need to speak with you.” The deep voice had stopped him in his tracks on his way back to Aloy and he had turned to find her father on the edge of the gathering, not quite a part of it but not fully in the dark either. 

He had greeted him the same way, with a nod and his name, and he warily approached the larger man. Rost had looked him up and down, his gaze hard but not harsh. Still wearing the Nora clothes she had given him that morning, Nil shifted slightly. There wasn’t any censure in the look he gave him but even still Nil felt the echoes of another hard gaze. 

“Has Aloy told you what it means to be Nora?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had grown between them. 

The question threw him off and Nil shook his head, unsure of what he meant.

“Everything is for our people, to uphold our traditions and our goddess. The matriarchs lead us to follow her ways and we honor her promises. In the old language, Nora means honor and we prize that quality above most others.” Pausing, Rost’s ice blue eyes met his. “I trust Aloy and I know her to be smart and strong, but you do not feel like a man of honor.” 

The accusation pierced through the night and froze Nil where he stood. Swallowing hard, he stared down the father of the woman he treasured above almost anyone else. Even if he had ever been one to lie, he could not have found any other words to give him other than the ones he knew were true. “You would be right; I am not a man of honor. But for her- for _them,_ I am trying.”

Rost continued to study him for several endless minutes before he finally seemed to come to a decision. “Tell Aloy I’ll see her in the morning before you leave.” With that, he melted into the darkness and was gone. 

Those words still haunted him even now, hours later and with a woman he didn’t deserve peacefully asleep in his arms. Pulling her even tighter to him, he heard Aloy’s little sigh as she settled again, and he buried his face in her hair. Breathing in the fresh scent of her floral shampoo and the lingering smoke of the campfires, Nil tried to relax enough to sleep.

It was almost dawn when he finally gave up. 

When Aloy stirred in his arms, Nil brushed her hair back from her face to see her blink against the sun starting to stream into his room. Exhaustion tugged at his limbs so he stayed down when she sat up to stretch, the lean muscles of her back exposed when her tank top rode up. Reaching out, Nil traced his fingertips over her spine, up until he could tug on one of the messy red waves falling down her back. 

She shot him a sleepy smile over her shoulder before climbing out of bed to slowly start getting ready to leave. All of her things were still up in her own room so it wasn’t long before she gave him a quick kiss goodbye and left him to get ready on his own. 

Staring up at the ceiling, Nil cursed himself for his hesitancy in telling her the truth. She and Avad deserved to know, now that he was their… boyfriend. The word still caused a flutter of nerves to erupt in his stomach, even when it was only a thought in his own head. 

The idea that they wouldn’t want him any longer once they knew his truth terrified him and he couldn’t hide from the fact that the longer he stayed silent, the more of a coward he became. A thought occurred to him and he laughed. Maybe Teb could help him figure out this mess when he went in to see him on Thursday. 

Pushing back all thoughts of his past and his future, Nil rolled out of bed to throw on his usual jeans and shirt and pack up the rest of his belongings. Once he was done, he grabbed the Voice of Our Teeth and slung his duffel over his shoulder to make his way out into the clear morning. A few Nora were gathered at the tables they had eaten at last night, though most seemed to be either working or sleeping off the revels. Aloy was sitting with Rost, eating breakfast as they spoke quietly. 

Unsure of whether or not they wanted privacy - and with his last talk with Rost still stuck in his mind - Nil lingered at the entry to the clearing until Aloy caught sight of him. Once she waved him over, he approached cautiously, setting his bag down so he could sit next to her on the bench. Half the food on her plate had gone uneaten and she pushed it towards him. 

“Here, eat. We were just finishing up anyway,” she said with a significant glance thrown her father’s way. 

Holding up his hands, Rost rose to circle around the table and lay his hand on her shoulder. “I hope I’ll see you sooner next time.”

Aloy barely had time to cover his hand with hers before he was turning to leave. He was already yards away when she called after him, “You could get a phone, you know! I could actually call you.” 

He gave no indication he had heard and was gone in another minute, leaving Aloy to huff as she gave up looking after him. Picking at the food in front of him, Nil searched her face to try and figure out how that little talk had gone. When she met his gaze, she smiled slightly. Though he hadn’t asked, she said, “Not a bad talk, though he still refuses to admit that he’s just as responsible for reaching out to me as I am to him.” 

Nil thought of the way he had seen Rost look at her when she couldn’t see and he couldn’t help the wistful longing that awoke in him. He might be terrible at expressing it, but she did have a father who loved her. But Aloy already knew that and he didn’t need to remind her. Instead, Nil just listened as she ranted for a few minutes, letting her get it out of her system. 

By the time he finished his food, she had run out of steam and it was time to leave. Making their way out of Mother’s Heart took a while since each of her friends managed to track them down to say goodbye. Teersa and Teb met them at the gate and Aloy hugged her grandmother goodbye while Nil said goodbye to his therapist. “I’ll see you on Thursday, then?” he drawled, adopting a little smirk he knew would annoy Teb. 

Shaking his head, Teb said, “You better be there since we’ll be talking about certain things.” He glanced purposefully over at Aloy and Nil winced. Of course he’d talked about them to Teb and now that he knew that Teb knew them… it was going to be an interesting session. 

Thankfully he was saved from answering when Aloy came over to hug Teb and give her own goodbye. Finally they made their way out of the gates and to Aloy’s waiting truck. Just as they had before, they threw their bags in the back, being more gentle with the bows they secured down. Climbing up into the cab, Nil watched as she fiddled with the music before backing out and beginning their long trek home. 

She was quiet for a while and Nil let her be until she was ready to talk. If coming home was hard, then leaving was probably full of mixed feelings as well and he didn’t want to intrude on that. When she began to talk, it was about her friends. She told him stories of Vala and Varl growing up and how she had met Nakoa, of how she and Arana had bonded over the loss of their mothers. She didn’t mention Rost at all. 

With all of the emotions this weekend had brought to a boil inside of him, Nil was more than happy to listen to her talk about her childhood and anything else. Every passing minute spent shut in the truck was stringing him tighter and he didn’t want to snap, especially not at her. Despite having spent most of yesterday running and hunting, he felt as if he hadn’t held his bow for weeks. Nerves in anticipation both for talking to Teb and telling Aloy and Avad the truth pulled at him and he did his best to shove down the anxiety that urged him to explode.

“Varl said that now that he’s finished with his degree he might quit at the range to start a new job, but he’s never been sure what he wants to do. Honestly, I understand that,” she mused. 

Twisting to face her more, Nil asked, “You do? You love engineering, wouldn’t that make it easy?” 

She sent him a pained look. “You’d think. But I also love working with the kids at the camp so I’m a bit torn. There’s not a lot of ways I can incorporate both high level engineering and little kids, unfortunately.” 

Thinking about it, he could see her struggle. Options had never been a big part of his life so he had never given it much thought before. Camming had been an easy way to make money and stay away from a past he wanted to leave behind. He was never sure he’d even have a future so thinking about what he would want to do for the rest of his life… 

As if she could read him as easily as a book, Aloy asked, “Do you want to do something after you’re done camming? Or do you want to cam for a while?” 

Her question was an innocent one and he knew she didn’t mean anything by it but it set his teeth on edge anyway. “Why? Is camming not good enough?” He had tried to keep his tone teasing but it held more bite than he had meant. 

Aloy looked over at him sharply, her intelligent green-gold eyes raking over his face. 

“That’s not what I meant, Nil,” she said, her voice very pointedly calm and even, “and you know it. I’ve never had an issue with you camming.” 

His tongue moved before he gave it permission. “Then why does it matter if I want to do anything else?”

Exasperation showed clear on her face and Aloy’s hands tightened on the wheel. Even with his goading, her voice stayed quiet, though more than a little confused. “Because I want to know more about you. And I want to know how you want to spend your life.”

“You’re sure it’s not because you’re ashamed of it? Not many people would want to call someone like me their _boyfriend,”_ he said bitterly. 

Before he could process it, Aloy had stomped on the brakes and dragged the truck over to the side of the road. Her eyes burned hot when she turned to face him and her voice was viciously quiet when she snapped, “I have never been ashamed of you, Nil, and I never will be. If you think that, you don’t know me at all and the same goes for Avad.” Breathing hard, she waited for him to respond and when he couldn’t find any words, she continued. “You just spent the weekend with my people, seeing the kind of way they live. Half of them shun me for having a mother who left the Nora, for being born outside of the Sacred Lands. I have put up with their shit my entire life and I will _never_ be ashamed of the people I care about.”

By the time she finished, she was breathing hard. Not once had she raised her voice but every word shook with conviction and Nil watched her in wonder. Even in her anger, she was beautiful. Unconsciously, his gaze dipped to her lips and a different tension filled the small confines of the truck. 

When he met her eyes again, he saw the same fire in them that burned inside him and they moved as one. Fumbling with her seatbelt, Aloy finally unlatched it before launching herself across the seat and into Nil’s arms as he dragged her close. Their lips met in a clash of teeth and tongue and she kissed him so hard it hurt. Nil knew his fingers were digging into her hips too hard but he needed her close, all of that righteous anger and the burning words she had spoken only making him need her more. Straddling him, Aloy ground down against his lap, guided by his hands as he rocked up into her. 

Reaching between them, Aloy fumbled at his jeans until she got what she wanted and he groaned when she gripped him tight. It didn’t take long until his cock was fully hard from her rough strokes and Nil was impatiently pushing her skirt up to slip his hand between her legs. Even through her leggings, he could feel her heat and she whimpered when he pressed against her clit. She broke their kiss to throw her head back as she rolled her hips against him. 

At the sight of her, needy and writhing on top of him, Nil cursed. He couldn’t bring himself to lift her off of him but he needed her leggings off now, needed to be buried inside of her. “Aloy, _fuck,_ I can’t-” 

“Rip them, anything. Please, I need you,” she gasped. 

Thanking her goddess that she was wearing a thin pair, Nil fisted her leggings and pulled until the seams ripped and he could see flashes of pale skin. When he pressed his hand between her legs again, he pushed her panties to the side to drag his fingers through her already wet slit and groaned. Aloy did nothing to muffle her cries as he found her bud and circled it roughly. He couldn’t hold on for much longer though, so his hands soon returned to her hips, gripping her hard enough he knew it would probably leave bruises later. 

Somewhere along the way, Aloy had stopped stroking him. Her nails were digging into his shoulders as she rocked and he used her momentum to pull her onto his cock, hilting himself inside her in one long stroke. Arching against him, Aloy gasped, and he lost himself in her tight, wet depths for a moment before lifting her up just to slam her back down. 

Nil set a rough pace and she followed him the whole way, meeting his thrusts with a ferocity of her own. Everytime he sank into her, Aloy let out a little cry and it combined with the blissful feeling of her to drive him closer to the edge. Tangling his fingers in her hair, he tugged until she relented, letting her head fall back so he could kiss and bite along the column of her neck. It wasn’t long before their movements became sloppy, as they clawed their way higher and each took out their frustrations by pulling pleasure from the other. 

When he felt her spasm around his cock, he slipped his hand from her waist to find where they were connected so intimately. He stroked his thumb over her clit, refusing to give her any mercy as she started to shake. Dropping his forehead onto her shoulder, Nil tried to ignore the pressure that had built inside him to focus on her. “Let go, love. Come for me,” he murmured against her skin. 

With a cry, she came apart and Nil softened his touch as he started to push gently up into her again. He only let himself join her when she leaned down to kiss him, her lips soft and forgiving against his own. 

In the aftermath of their passion, the truck was quiet except for the breaths they struggled to control. Unsure of what to say or do, Nil just pulled her closer, burying his face in her chest. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. 

Pulling back just a little, Aloy framed his face with her hands, waiting until he met her gaze to speak. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it before now, but _please_ know that I’ve wanted to call you my boyfriend for so long. I’m not ashamed of you, I promise.” 

Nil hated the desperation in her voice, as if she had something to prove to him. And he knew that in his anger, he had made her feel that way and it was the last thing he had wanted. He had hurt her. He had hurt this beautiful woman that he- that he wholly and absolutely loved. Pain and wonder at the realization swirled inside him and all he could do was pull her down to kiss her hard. 

“I know,” he whispered against her lips when he pulled back. “I took my frustration at myself out on you and I’m so sorry.” 

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Aloy pressed close until there wasn’t any space left between them. “I know. It was a long weekend and I don’t know about you, but I’m glad to be going back home.” Her voice was playful, relaxed, and Nil let himself give in to the comfort of her presence. He felt her press a kiss to his head before she said, “Thank you for coming with me. You made it better.”

Squeezing her waist, he said wryly, “I wouldn’t call snapping at you making it better.” 

“I don’t know,” she mused, her voice teasingly light, “That last bit was _quite_ nice.” 

Laughing, Nil helped her slide over to her own seat when she pushed off of him. Tucking himself back into his pants, he watched as she tried to do the best she could to clean herself up. Unable to help himself, he drawled, “Spending the next four hours knowing you’re wearing ripped tights is going to test my control, huntress.” 

Shooting him a hot glance, Aloy shifted the truck into gear and pulled back out onto the road. Most of the tension from before was gone, dissipated under her touch and banished by her words. In the calm that settled between them, he watched her drive. He was head over heels for this woman, who sang off key to the radio and muttered curses at the drivers around her. 

He just hoped he wouldn’t lose her once he told her about his past. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright y'all some fun facts!
> 
> As you all know - we never found out Nil's real name in game, though we know Nil is one he chose for himself after he was released from Sunstone Prison. Sahad is the name kittleskittle chose for him for her fic, The Rising Tide, a post-canon OT3 fic for Avad x Aloy x Nil (which you should ALL read because it's amazing and I love it dearly) and that she is letting me borrow for my own Nil. Sahad was altered to fit Carja naming patterns from the Arabic name Sahar, which means "just before dawn" and recalls a poetic word for the crescent moon. 
> 
> We picked Argent as his chosen last name because it means silver, recalling the color of his eyes. 
> 
> Teb's last name here, Webber, developed from Weaver so it was a little more fun to pick than just naming him Teb Stitcher lmao. 
> 
> Played around a little bit with Rost and his dedication to Nora tradition and the feeling of honor that goes along with it. Nora is actually a name that was shortened from Honora - which very obviously comes from Honor. That said, as in many post-apocalyptic stories, many of the names are drawn from rotting signs and such so I think a common theory is that Nora comes from Norad, located nearby in Colorado Springs. Either way, I loved getting to explore some of that with Rost.


	12. Your Eyes Tell the Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally ready to let them see all of him, Nil tells Aloy and Avad his story.
> 
> CW: description of past child abuse (non-sexual), alcoholic father, gang violence - tags have been updated
> 
> Chapter title this week is from A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria and the absolutely heartbreaking and beautiful art is courtesy of toxcatl!

Pacing around the kitchen, Avad was trying to find something to do with his hands. He absolutely hated sitting still when there was something going on and he was unable to do anything about it. Nil would be coming over any minute and the only thing that was calming him down was rearranging half the kitchen. 

After they had come back home on Sunday, Aloy had told him what happened over the weekend and they had talked with Nil about it just a little. He had promised to tell them everything but he wanted to make sure that he was ready. So here they were, Thursday evening and waiting for Nil to come home from his visit to his therapist - Teb. Avad was still stunned by that turn of events. 

Of course, that wasn’t the only surprise from the weekend. _Sahad._ When he was alone this week, Avad had tried it out a few times, whispering the name aloud as he got used to it. Nil had asked that they still call him by the name they knew him by, but Avad couldn’t help but love the way his real name rolled off his tongue. 

Altogether, he was even more sad he’d missed out on the weekend than he had been before. They’d all been on edge since they returned, Aloy and Avad because they didn’t want to press Nil until he was ready and Nil presumably because he had to talk about his past. Hence, the cleaning. 

Aloy was hunched over her work desk, fiddling with one of her projects. She had her headphones on, drowning out the world with either podcasts or blaring music. Figuring out what she chose to listen to at any given time was a toss up and he’d long since stopped being surprised at the breadth of subjects and genres she enjoyed. 

Because of her soundtrack, she didn’t hear the muffled noise from the hallway when Avad did. 

Shutting the cupboard he was rooting through, Avad walked over to the door hesitantly. It had been quiet but… It came again and this time, Avad pulled open the door. 

Nil was sitting on the floor against the wall across from their apartment and tears were streaming down his face. The hand pressed over his mouth didn’t stifle the sound of his sobs. When he heard the door open, Nil looked up to meet his eyes and Avad’s stomach dropped at the overwhelming misery in his gaze. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Avad whispered.

Leaving the door open, Avad crossed the few feet between them to kneel in front of him. He cupped his face, wiping the tears away as they fell. Nil’s chest heaved with the ragged breaths he was trying to drag in so Avad tugged on his hand until it fell away. Helpless grey eyes were fixed on his, as if words were beyond him. 

Avad’s heart broke. Even in the midst of his panic attack, he had tried talking. For a man who talked to fill a silence, who treasured poetry and thrived on the compliments he and Aloy gave him, to see him unable to speak was terrible. Leaning into him, Avad pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Do you want to come inside?”

Swallowing hard, Nil nodded. Avad moved back to let him up, but Nil’s hand flew out to grab him by his shirt. He stopped where he was and clasped Nil’s wrist. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here,” he murmured. 

Nodding sharply again, Nil rose to his feet without the characteristic grace that usually infused his movements. Avad stayed close by, unsure whether or not Nil wanted to be touched. 

“Avad, why is the door-” Aloy strode through the open doorway but her voice caught when she saw them. Alarm flashed across her face and Avad met her worried gaze with his own before she pushed the door wider to stand aside. “Come on in.” 

Tugging Avad along with him, Nil walked in slowly. He stopped in the middle of the living room and, for a moment, he looked so lost that Avad wanted to hold him and never let go. With a shaky breath, Nil finally looked at him again. “I was going to come in,” he rasped, his voice rough from the tears that still gathered in his eyes. “I just wanted… I wanted to be myself when I told you.”

“And this isn’t you?” Aloy asked wrly, closing the door to come around and stand in front of him. 

He tried out a grin but it fell apart too quickly. “Should I want this to be me?” 

Sighing, Avad pulled him until he sat on the couch with him. Tilting Nil’s face towards him, he wiped off the lingering tears on his cheeks. “Crying doesn’t make you less worthy or less of a person,” he said sternly. 

“They do make it harder to tell you my story though,” he drawled. When Avad’s hands lingered on his skin, Nil reached up to loosely clasp his fingers around one wrist. 

“You don’t need to do it _now,_ Nil,” Aloy said, coming over to perch on the edge of the coffee table in front of them. “We can wait longer if it’s going to be too hard to talk about right now.” 

With a rather adorable sniff, Nil shook his head. He pulled away slightly from Avad, leaving him feeling a little bereft even though his leg still pressed against Avad’s thigh when he shifted to lean forward and rest his elbows on his knees. Hands wringing at each other where they hung, Nil stared at the floor intently. 

“No. I’d rather embrace the memories now than relive them again later,” he said solemnly. With a little smile at Aloy, barely more than a twitch of his lips, he said, “I should probably start at the beginning.”

Neither of them spoke, too intent on Nil as the words began to spill out.

“My father was a cruel man, more monster than anything else and that was the only thing I saw in him. He began hitting me before I can even remember, my first memories that of pain and fear. A stray word or a toe out of line and all I would see was the back of hand and then stars.” His voice was rough, the pain evident in every word and the tensed lines of his body. 

Avad felt a phantom pain streak across his back as Nil spoke and he swallowed down his own memories. Without one of them to ground him, he was lost, so he reached out to steal one of Nil’s hands, threading their fingers together before he brought them to his lips. When Nil paused, meeting his eyes for a moment, Avad just nodded at him to continue. 

Squeezing his hand, he did. “My mother fared no better than I. And though I longed for another to be my companion, I was glad even then that I had no sibling to suffer his fists alongside me. I’ve always marveled at the fact that it was sickness that took my mother from me, when I had always feared it would be him.” 

Nil’s eyes were once again focused on something in the distance so Avad spared a glance for Aloy. She was sitting rigidly still, her hands curled into fists and her knuckles so white Avad was sure her nails must be digging into her skin. Meeting his gaze, he saw that she recognized this tale, or one far too similar to it, and she could only respond with helpless loathing. 

“I barely remember her,” Nil whispered. “Grey eyes, but not like mine. Dark hair and a gentle touch, but mostly the lullaby she would sing to me when I woke in the dead of night from the nightmares.” His lips tightened into a thin line and he closed his eyes before continuing. “She was my only source of peace. After she was gone, I was left alone with him. For years, I had nowhere to hide and nowhere to run and the only constant I knew was that he would be there, waiting for me.” With a grim smile at them, Nil said, “You’ve seen my scars; many of them are from him, gifted when I started to rebel.”

Horrified, Avad asked, “No one saw what was happening?”

Nil let out an ugly laugh. “Oh, Social Services came by more than a few times. But what can they do when the bruises have faded and the child claims they love their father? I’m sure more than one of them still knew what I was helping him hide but there’s precious little the _system_ can do without proof.” He spat the word out derisively, disdain for the system that had failed him evident. Avad couldn’t blame him for his bitterness. “As I grew older, they stopped being called and I was seen less as an abused child and more as a delinquent who deserved whatever he got.”

“Stupid,” Aloy spat out, anger limning her features. “A stupid reason to ignore what they knew was happening.”

Blinking at her, Nil looked surprised. Attempting to rein herself in, Aloy sighed. “Sorry, I’ll keep quiet.”

“Don’t apologize for being angry on my behalf, little huntress,” Nil said softly. “And I would never want to keep you silent.”

Aloy gave him a little smile, shifting to knock her knee against his. “Go on.” 

“Unsurprisingly, when I was in middle school I befriended the kind of boys who seemed just as troubled as I. Despite families that sometimes resembled mine, they were full of life, always aching for the next thing that would distract them from the pain.” Nil raked his free hand through his hair before letting out a sigh that sounded like it should have been a laugh. “I didn’t realize that then, of course. I only knew that I was empty and I wanted something to fill the space inside of me. 

“Following behind my friends, I began to stay out later and later, even though I knew that his wrath would grow with every minute I was gone. We spent the hours doing stupid things; vandalizing the school, drinking whatever beer we could lie or cheat our way into getting, hassling anyone who looked at us like the trash we were.”

Every word grew more bitter, until Avad was choking on the contempt and regret Nil held for the child he was. All he could do was hold his hand. And hear his story. And know that as soon as this telling was done, he wasn’t ever going to let this man go. 

“The summer after my first year of high school, one of my friends got into trouble with one of the local gangs. Atral had met a girl, the prettiest in the world he had said, but love made him stupid. He wanted to run away with her so he borrowed some money from one of the older guys that we knew. Push came to shove, Elida didn’t want to leave her father alone but he’d already spent the money. With nothing to give them and no way to pay it back, the Kestrels decided to use him for free labor. It wasn’t long before we were running errands with him and by the time we were initiated as members, it was too late to back out.”

He might have only come to Colorado a few years ago, but even Avad knew who the Kestrels were. They were absolutely ruthless, a gang that picked up teenagers much like Nil and fed them into a system that killed them before they could vote more often than not. The possible reasons why Nil had changed his name were becoming clearer with every sentence. 

“One of the older Kestrels took us under his wing. Helis,” Nil said dully. Aloy gasped, the sharp sound cutting through the tension. Raising his eyebrows, Nil asked, “You know who he is then?”

“He’s the head of the Kestrels now,” she whispered. Avad’s head whipped back towards Nil but his eyes were all for her. 

“You’ve got secrets of your own, huntress.”

Smirking at him wryly, Aloy said, “I’ll let you in on them later.” 

“Yes, he became the head of the Kestrels while I was a member. He has no time for those who aren’t dedicated to the Kestrels and he’s very good at making sure his chicks stay in line. Those of us that he took special attention to were rewarded with both his praises and his cruelty in answer to our actions. I tried to escape one monster only to find another, driven almost mad by his desire to use the Kestrels to dominate others.” Slumping back against the couch, Nil slipped his hand from Avad’s hold to rub both of his over his face. “The stupidity of youth is unending.” 

“You were hurting and you sought out those who you thought could understand you. It may have been a little unwise but it’s not something to be ashamed of, sweetheart,” Avad said, reaching out to press his palm against Nil’s chest. 

Dropping his hands, Nil smiled at him sadly. “That’s not the end of my story, Avad, though I wish it were. Unfortunately, it gets much worse. At that point, I was coming home late enough at night that my father would be passed out by the time I got there. Sometimes I wouldn’t come home at all. But some nights I got unlucky and the bastard would still be conscious. Convinced I was making money somehow and not giving it to him, he would use his belt on me.

“One day, I showed up to a meeting with Helis with half my face bruised. He knew by now what was going on and all he did was ask me, ‘When are you going to stop being a coward and do what needs to be done?’” 

Avad could feel the shudder that wracked his body when he repeated the words told to him so many years ago. Fisting his hand in Nil’s shirt, he leaned forward to press his forehead to his shoulder, hoping that maybe by being close he could help stave off the pain. 

“I thought about doing it for weeks. Killing my father. He’d been killing me for years so it would have been easy to rationalize. Maybe even easy to defend in court,” Nil said dispassionately, as if all the emotion had been sucked out of him. “The worst night was when I got home and he was already so drunk that the only thing I could smell was cheap vodka. I made the mistake of meeting his gaze.” Bleak dismay flashed across his face. “My father never liked my eyes. It was one of the surest ways to get a bad beating, letting him see them.”

“Because they looked like your mom’s?” Aloy asked tentatively.

Nil let out a choked laugh. “No. Because they’re ghost eyes. Creepy and ugly and _wrong.”_

Staring at him aghast, Avad struggled with the rage filling him. Little pieces of information clicked into place - Nil’s avoidance of mirrors and the sunglasses he kept on him whenever they went out. Gritting his teeth, Avad bit back the anger that made him want to scream. Before he could tell Nil that he had the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen, he was already speaking again. 

“He started raving at me, about my eyes and my disrespect and how he had never wanted me in the first place. I’d heard it all before, but now I had Helis in my mind as well, urging me to kill the excuse for a man I called my father. I had a knife.” Avad sucked in a breath but Nil kept speaking as if he didn’t, or couldn’t, hear him. “I thought about it, even reached into my pocket to hold the weapon tight in my fist. Before he could even raise his hand for the first time, I knew that I wouldn’t do it. Not because I couldn’t kill him, but because it would be too easy. I’d met many killers by then, Helis among them, and I didn’t want to become that. Even if it meant that I would be stuck with the beatings and the humiliation and the hell that was my home.”

All the rage inside him melted into grief, for the boy who refused to let his pain turn him into a monster himself. He couldn’t stop the tears that escaped and he didn’t wipe them away either. Movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked to find Aloy pressing her hand against her mouth, her attention viciously focused on the wall. She wasn’t crying but she was trying not to.

Nil hadn’t seen any of this. Those unique grey eyes that his father had hated were shut tight as he barreled on. 

“He only hit me once, hard enough to break my skin and make me bleed. When he lifted his hand to strike me again - his eyes went wide and he clutched at his chest, as if clawing to get to the heart underneath. It was that heart that betrayed him. He stared at me while he fell to his knees, horror and pain that was usually mine reflected back in his gaze now. I didn’t know what to do so I just watched as he crumpled to the ground. 

“I barely heard his last words but they’ve echoed in my nightmares for years. ‘All you do is destroy. You should never have been born.’” 

His breaths came fast now and the tears that he had been holding back since Avad had wiped them away started to fall once again. When he opened his mouth to say something, anything, that might comfort him, Nil touched his hand.

“Please,” he said roughly. “Don’t say anything. I have to tell you all of this and if you talk then I won’t be able to.”

He ached but he understood, so Avad nodded. 

Wiping away his tears, Nil said, “I called for an ambulance but by then he was already dead. A heart attack, probably caused by the copious amounts of alcohol that he consumed daily. They put me in a group home since I had no other family to go to but I didn’t stay long. I was terrified they would put me with someone like him so I fled in the middle of the night only a few days after arriving. I went to the only place I could; the Kestrels. They kept me safe in some ways, a roof over my head and food enough that I didn’t starve. But Helis said I owed them a debt for it so I had to work it off. 

“I spent years with them, running errands and doing their dirty work. I had dropped out of school when I ran away, so I had nothing to do but become Helis’s dog. The tasks he gave me became more violent and cruel, things that I had never thought I would do. On the night my father died I had decided I would not become a monster, but I was becoming one anyway.” Nil drew in a shaky breath, pausing for the first time since he had begun speaking again. “On the night Helis ordered me to kill someone, I knew I couldn’t go on like that. And I knew the only possible safe place I could be after I left was jail. So instead of finding the man he wanted me to kill, I went to the closest police station.

“I confessed to everything I had done and everything that I was. I had recently turned eighteen and they wanted to lock me up for as long as they could, but I gave them information on Helis. I learned later that none of it really mattered; Helis talked his way out of every charge. But it was enough to shorten my sentence to just two years. 

“He sent men after me while I was there but he had forgotten that I had been obsessed with learning how to defend myself. I gathered a few new scars but I came out alive. I was cut off from everything and it reset me in a way.” With a wistful smile at Aloy, he said, “The worst part was not being able to use a bow for two years.” 

She gave him a shaky smile of her own but she didn’t try to interrupt him. 

“When I was released for good behavior, I didn’t go back to anyone I knew. I tried the halfway house they sent me to and the head of the house helped me figure out how to move on. I had to change my name since Helis was still hunting for me - which the cops know about. Even with the name change, not many people would hire a convicted criminal, though I tried for a while. When I gave up on a normal job, I decided I would try camming.” He shrugged. “It seemed better than giving up my progress to become a criminal again and eventually I realized that I liked it. Soon enough I had my own money and I moved into my own apartment.”

Blowing out a sigh, Nil leaned forward again to brace his arms on his knees. Instead of relaxing like Avad thought he would, tension still kept his body under tight control. Reaching out, Avad smoothed his hand over his back, hoping to help. 

With a crooked grin, Nil said, “And that’s it. That’s everything. That’s… me.” 

The smile fell from his face and he was holding himself so rigidly that Avad realized he was waiting for them to be angry at him. Letting his eyes flutter shut, Avad reflected back on everything he had just told them. Abused and orphaned, fallen in with a gang that abused him further, only to make his own choice - dangerous as it was - to become something better. If he hadn’t already been in love with him, he would be now. No matter what Nil thought of himself, it took a strong person to choose what they thought was right and stick by that. Especially when everyone else led him astray. 

Cupping Nil’s cheek, he turned his face towards him so that Avad could lean forward to brush a soft kiss against his lips. Grey eyes went wide before they filled once again with the weight of his emotions. He pulled back only far enough to kiss his nose, his cheeks, his forehead. When he was done feathering kisses all over his face, he leaned his forehead against Nil’s. 

“Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are so brave and strong and I cannot tell you enough how glad I am that you’re here with us.” Avad let every bit of anger and sadness and love that he felt reverberate in his words, until Nil was staring at him with an expression he couldn’t read. 

“You’re not… you’re not mad at me?” he whispered.

Aloy let out a disgusted noise before getting up to crawl into Nil’s lap, wrapping her arms around him to bury her face against the crook of his neck. “That’s stupid. Why would we ever be angry with you about any of that?” she muttered.

Looking at Avad in confusion, Nil cautiously cupped the back of her neck with one hand. “For keeping this from you? For… Huntress, I’m not worth your affection. There is blood on my hands and neither of you should be with a man like me.”

“That’s our choice to make, isn’t it?” Avad said calmly, though his heart raced at the thought of ever _losing_ Nil. “Besides,” he said fondly, reaching out to play with Nil’s hair, “from where I sit, you’re more worthy of love and affection than anyone else I’ve ever met.”

A blush rose to cover Nil’s cheeks before he buried his face in Aloy’s hair. Biting back a smile, Avad kissed his temple. 

It was Aloy who pulled back to force Nil to look at her. She made sure his gaze was locked with hers when she declared, “And just so you know, you have the most beautiful eyes I have _ever_ seen.”

Even redder than before, Nil clutched her close to hide once again. His grip on her was tight and Avad laughed quietly before threading his arm around him to press close. 

They stayed there for a while, the silence filling the void left behind by Nil’s story with quiet acceptance. 

***

Nil never wanted to move. 

He’d spent hours today crying his way through his session with Teb and then in the hallway and now here on this couch. He felt raw and vulnerable but with Aloy curled up on his lap and Avad pressing kisses against his skin, he also felt… safe. 

Both of them, he realized. He loved both of them so fiercely his heart ached. Nil didn’t think he had ever loved anyone else in his life before now and definitely not as dearly as he loved Aloy and Avad. They were kind and gentle and _good,_ even to him and even when he didn’t deserve it. The true miracle was that they were all of this despite their own faults. 

For a while, Nil might have been tempted to say they had no faults, but he had learned better in recent weeks. They both had a temper, something Nil had always miraculously lacked despite his father, and they were prone to their own idiosyncrasies. Their flaws only made him adore them more, though. It made him feel more equal now, like a true partner rather than someone they had picked up off the street. 

So he was content to bask in this feeling for however long he could. To his dismay, it was his own stomach that interrupted the cuddling he was getting. 

Avad laughed when he heard the quiet rumbling and Nil could feel his little huntress suppressing her own laughter as well. Pulling back, Avad ruffled his hair before turning towards the kitchen. “I suppose that’s my cue to start making food.”

When Aloy shifted as if to stand, Nil tightened his arms around her. Laughing, she struggled playfully to get him to release her. “Come on, I want to make you something too!” 

“Does it mean I have to let you go?” he asked sullenly.

Pecking a kiss on his lips, she said, “Yes, but just for a few minutes.” 

Reluctantly, Nil let her go. When she stood, she held out her hand and he couldn’t do anything but follow her lead. Taking him to the little table by the kitchen, she pushed at him until he sat down before going to join Avad. Nil watched as they danced around each other, Aloy ducking past him to grab a pot and milk and-

“Rost would always make me hot chocolate when I was little after I had cried over something, so I’m going to make you some now. The old fashioned way, not with water or powder,” she said dismissively. 

Slouching at the table with his chin on his hand, Nil settled in to wait for them. Aloy added broken up bits of chocolate to the milk as it heated until she was finally satisfied with it. She’d made enough for them all, tossing a cinnamon stick into each mug. Leaving Avad’s by the stove with a kiss on his cheek, she brought the other two over to Nil. 

He cradled the hot mug between his hands while she snagged another chair and set it next to his, close enough that she could shift to throw her legs over his lap. 

Staring at the swirling chocolate, Nil hesitated before saying, “I haven’t asked before, but… I know neither of you had a particularly happy upbringing either. The way you reacted to parts of mine, I wasn’t sure if…”

Aloy hummed, taking a sip of the hot chocolate before looking over at Avad. He shrugged at her, still concentrating on cooking, so she spoke up first.

“I told you most of my story this last weekend, but I didn’t say how much of a troublemaker I was in high school. The Nora send all of their students to the local school system, where they’ve got a special program set up with them. When I was a teen, I tended to get up to my fair share of trouble too,” she said, giving him a little smile. “A couple bad choices and I went to juvie for a few months.”

She said it all so nonchalantly that Nil felt he could ask, “What did you do?”

“Breaking and entering mostly. I wanted to go everywhere but I wasn’t allowed to, so I found my own way into the abandoned buildings and museums and anything else I was curious about.” A sly smile rested on the corners of her mouth and Nil couldn’t help laughing. She was so unapologetically bold about her crimes. “They were fun, but juvie was not. I hated it there, trapped inside with no way out. The people weren’t bad, I actually got friendly with quite a few - including a couple Kestrels, which is how I knew about Helis,” she said, nodding at Nil. 

“What did Rost think of all this?”

Aloy winced. “We had quite a few fights over that. He never approved of my penchant for letting my curiosity get me in trouble, but his main fear was that someday I’d go somewhere I _really_ shouldn’t and I’d get myself hurt. That was only a year or so before I left the Sacred Lands, so our relationship was a bit strained at that point anyway. He did come and visit me every week though,” she said softly, fondness evident in her faraway look. “Of course, juvie was on the edge of the Sacred Lands so he didn’t have to really leave them to do it.” 

Nil smiled at her, before finally taking a sip of his cooling drink and groaning at the taste of it, which got him a smug smile from her. He hadn’t been afraid to try it but since she burned most of the food she tried to make, he was appropriately cautious. He had been wrong about this though, it tasted amazing and he murmured his thanks in between sips. 

“I suppose that means it’s my turn now,” Avad said. He was still busy cooking, his usual apron thrown over her clothes and his hair pulled back into a ponytail. 

“You’re cooking, pretty boy. You don’t need to tell me right now,” Nil protested. 

Sparing a smile for him, Avad replied, “It’s easier if I talk while I’m doing something. It gives me something else to focus on.” 

Nil acquiesced, though Avad took a moment to think.

Finally, he began speaking in that professor tone of his. “As you know, my mother died when I was young, too. Much like yours, she died of sickness and not my father’s abuses.” Nil’s hands tightened on his mug but Avad showed no reaction at all to what he was saying. “I had a brother, though. Kadaman. He was my hero, and he still is. He helped protect me from a lot of my father’s abuse, most of which is more verbal and emotional than physical. He couldn’t keep me safe from all of it and as I got older, I didn’t want him to. He took on more of it for my sake and I hated- hate that.” 

For a moment, Avad faltered, his hands stilled as he stared at the counter. With a deep breath, he steeled himself to go on, his spine straightening. “Eventually my father remarried and Kadaman started to take more responsibility in my father’s company, both of which helped free me a little from his oversight. Eventually, I was able to figure out how to finagle my way into studying abroad - and here I am.” He said it so matter-of-factly that Nil thought the story was over.

“Avad,” Aloy chided. 

Sending her an exasperated look, Avad continued, “He calls every once in a while, though I haven’t had to see him except for the one time I go home every year. Kadaman runs interference for me even now,” he said mournfully. Bracing his hands on the counter, he said wearily, “My father still has it in his mind that I’ll do whatever he tells me to do once I’ve graduated. I’ll have to stand up to him sooner rather than later if I want to keep the freedom I’ve found.” 

“And you’ll have people to support you every step of the way,” Aloy said tartly. Turning to Nil, she grimaced. “Jiran is also a massive homophobe, so that didn’t help matters either.” 

“There is that, too,” Avad said wryly. 

Draining the rest of his mug, Nil took it with him into the kitchen to set it by the stove. Looping his arms around Avad’s waist, he pulled him close so that he could nuzzle his neck. “I’m sorry you’ve got a shit father, too,” he said softly. 

Avad leaned back into him, tilting his head back against Nil’s shoulder with a smile. “I do have you, though. So I’m doing just fine.”

After dropping a kiss on his cheek, Nil disentangled himself. Pouring himself more of the hot chocolate still steaming on the stove, he made his way back to Aloy, perfectly content to spend the rest of the evening enjoying their bright laughter and the casual affection that meant the world to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a theory of ours that Nil had a rough childhood - something that feeds into the trauma he suffers while a soldier under Mad King Jiran - and I wanted to explore that a bit in this universe. There were two main options I considered for his background; either a gang or going into the military. I wanted to include his time spent in jail so I went with the gang, which gives him the PTSD that we see hints of in canon. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! We're getting to the climax of this story so the next chapter will kick off the last bit of drama!


	13. Is This What Love Is?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avad finally gets to take Nil to see some of his art - before they're interrupted by someone who should have stayed a couple thousand miles away. 
> 
> CW: homophobia, homophobic slur, the barest amounts of physical violence, verbal abuse, references to physical abuse. 
> 
> Lyrics for the chapter title this week are from Dark Side of Me by Coheed and Cambria!

He was happy.

For the first time in possibly his entire life, Nil was truly and completely happy. 

Instead of the distance and derision he had expected, the truth of his past seemed to have only made Aloy and Avad become more affectionate with him. The reasons why had become clearer when they had revealed pieces of their own history that lent them an understanding of his, but still… Any hesitation he had anticipated when they found out he was a convicted felon never appeared. 

He treasured the times they would call him their boyfriend, especially when they said it to others. It made him feel claimed in a way that didn’t trap or hurt him, but that made him feel like he was loved. And they called him that more and more often. Over the next few weeks, they began to take him to see their friends more often and Nil grew to call them his own. The first time Nil had called Avad his boyfriend when he was talking to Talanah, he had looked over to find Avad staring at him with his mouth hanging open and his cheeks redder than the sunset. He had teased him mercilessly for that, keeping that blush he loved going the whole evening. 

As summer drew near, Aloy and Avad both became more embroiled in their studies. Aloy was set to graduate but she had delayed the decision of what she wanted to do with her life by opting to continue on with a graduate degree the following year, while Avad would finish his in a year’s time. Nil had expected to feel envious of their achievements, but all he felt was an extreme sense of relief that he wasn’t in their position. 

When he was living in the halfway house after he was released from jail, he had gotten his GED online, and that was enough for him. Between his camming sessions, he would go over to their apartment to spend time with them while they spent their time buried in academia. He would read while Avad studied or graded papers and Aloy was tinkering away at her desk. When he needed a break, Avad was slowly teaching Nil how to cook. Banned from the kitchen during these times, Aloy would pout at the table and watch. 

The only shadow looming over Nil during this time was his inability to tell them that he loved them. He had tried, several times, to tell them what they meant to him, but every single time the words would choke him and he would stay silent. He had the faintest memory of his mother saying those words to him, the only time he could remember hearing them, and even if he thought that Aloy and Avad might feel that deeply for him, he couldn’t fully stifle the fear that the sentiment wouldn’t be returned. That he would be left in the cold, alone and bereft of the people he loved more than anything. 

So the words stayed where they were, wrapped up in his fragile heart, locked away and safe. Each day they stayed there was both torture and relief. 

Avad and Aloy had their own troubles too, though none of them were new. When he had asked her if she wanted to go to the next gathering in Mother’s Heart, Aloy had told Nil that she didn’t want to go too often or they might think she was going to come home for good. She turned the phrase into a joke but he could feel the roiling emotions lingering under the surface. So they missed the next two gatherings, though they saw Varl and a few of the others in the city. 

As for Avad… one of the nights Nil came over after a cam session, he had found all of the lights blazing. Aloy was supposed to be at work and Nil finally found Avad sitting on their patio, staring blindly at the horizon. He hadn’t moved or spoken when Nil opened the door, so he sank into the chair next to him silently. 

They sat there for a long while, letting the sounds of the little copse of trees and the muffled noise of the nearby highway surround them. Finally, Avad let out a sigh and his head dropped back against his chair. 

Looking over at Nil, he smiled faintly. “My father called.”

Understanding flooded Nil and he reached out to take his hand, threading their fingers together as Avad squeezed it tightly, like he was an anchor to cling to. 

“Even hearing his voice sometimes… Thank you, for sitting with me,” he said. “It’s nice to have one of you close.” 

Shifting to face him fully, Nil propped his chin up on his free hand. “The memories can be hard to erase, especially with his voice in your head.” 

Avad let out a deep sigh before nodding. If he was feeling anything like how Nil felt when thoughts of his father were too close to the surface, he wouldn’t want to talk about it. So instead, Nil rose to his feet, tugging on the hand he still held captive.

“You said you would teach me how to make curry tonight, so let’s go, princeling,” he said teasingly, hoping it would help distract Avad.

He succeeded and his lover followed him inside to the brightly lit apartment, leaving the thoughts of his father out in the dark. 

When Avad didn’t bring it up later, Nil had asked Aloy about it after he went to sleep. Curled up against him, Aloy traced patterns on his skin as she listened. After he had told her what he knew, he asked softly, “Did I do the right thing? Or should I have asked him to talk about it?”

Aloy rested her palm against his chest before stretching up to kiss his jaw. “You did perfect. He usually takes his time to think through what happened before talking about his feelings. It lets him take a step back and make sure he’s not speaking out of anger or pain.”

Recognizing the echo of words that had been spoken to him, Nil smiled. “Wisdom from his therapist?”

“And something his father doesn’t do,” she added wryly. “I tend to speak as I feel so it took some getting used to when we first started dating.” After a little pause, she grouched, “And it might have rubbed off on me, too. We’re not always great at sticking to it, but we try to take a step back to calm down before we say things we don’t mean.” 

That, Nil had seen before. “It’s an admirable tactic,” he drawled, before looking at her out of the corner of his eyes. “Though I’m not sure how much you’ve mastered it, little firespit.”

Aloy smacked his chest lightly and he smothered a laugh so he wouldn’t wake their boyfriend. 

Eventually, Avad did talk to them. It reminded Nil of the times he would come over lately after a session with Teb left him raw, so he responded with the same comforts Avad extended to him. He listened and he held him as he spoke of the ways his father had hurt him and the depth of his desire to leave him behind. 

Avad was the first to admit that he wouldn’t be able to truly heal until Jiran was out of his life for good. 

Unsure of how to advise him, Nil could only let him know that he was there. Aloy was the one to tell Avad that he should tell his father to fuck off, and Nil silently agreed.

After a few days, Avad was back to normal, his pain pushed back as he returned to the structure of the life he loved. Nil admired his strength, that let him build this life without letting his father’s poison seep into it enough to damage everything. 

What helped was the opening of another exhibit featuring some of his art. With all of the emotional turmoil Nil had been going through after he and Aloy had returned from the Sacred Lands, he hadn’t gotten the chance to go to that exhibit Avad had been a part of before it had ended. This was his second chance and Avad was the one to offer him a tour. 

“The museum is hosting a little gala for some of their donors, and I thought you might like to come?” he asked hopefully. 

The idea of mingling with the kind of people who could be considered important donors would have scared Nil once - and a little thread of nerves still wove its way through him - but he didn’t care so long as Avad was there with him. 

“Do you have two extra tickets?” 

Avad shook his head. “No, but Aloy can’t come anyway, she’s working that night. There’ll be free food and wine!” He turned his pleadingly wide brown eyes at Nil.

Laughing, Nil said, “You don’t have to bribe me, Avad. Of course I’ll go with you.” 

Throwing his arms around his neck, Avad kissed him sweetly. “You’ll love it, I promise.” 

“I can’t promise I have fancy enough clothes for this soiree though,” Nil cautioned. “Do I need a suit?” 

“Yes, a suit would be best. If you want, I can buy you one.” Hesitation made his words soft as Avad peered up at him. When Nil couldn’t figure out how to answer - whether the idea was a good one or if his pride would allow it - Avad cajoled him. “You wouldn’t have to worry about having one if you want to come to another one of these. And I’ve no doubt your viewers would love to see you in a suit.”

Nil couldn’t fight his smile. “Love to see me take it off you mean.” Avad laughed and Nil let the argument he wanted to start over the cost and his pride slip away. “Fine, you can buy me a suit. But not as expensive as one of yours.” He glanced at Avad sharply and saw a guilty blush start to take over his cheeks. 

Grumbling, Avad acquiesced. 

When they went by one of the local stores that Nil approved, he wouldn’t let Avad see the suit he eventually picked out. He knew it was probably stupid, but he wanted to surprise him. Avad moped about it for a minute but he let him get away with it for now. 

On the night of the opening, Nil got ready in his own apartment. The suit he’d picked out fit him like a glove and it was singlehandedly the most expensive thing he’d ever worn. He’d picked out a black silk shirt and tie to match the pants and jacket, making the black vest the only embellishment with its embroidered pattern of vines and flowers. The entire ensemble was dark enough that it made the grey of his eyes stand out even more than they usually did. 

The man staring back at him in the mirror was not the same one he had been a year ago. 

A year ago, he had been alone. The thought of wearing anything like this would have made him run in the other direction. He wouldn’t have been able to even look himself in the eyes like this. When the same disgust that had always been there roiled in his gut, he pushed it back. Let himself remember the words both of his lovers had given him many times now. 

_Your eyes are beautiful. I will never tire of seeing them._

In spite of his father and bolstered by their words, Nil grabbed his eyeliner and highlighted his eyes even more. Once done, he ran a hand through his hair, free for the night from its usual bun. He couldn’t wait to show Avad. 

Locking up his apartment, he made the familiar trek to theirs. Each time he walked this hallway now, he felt like he was coming home. The place he kept his things and occasionally slept in had never been home to him, but the warmth of these two… that was his home. 

He was reaching for the door when it swung open on its own. Avad froze where he was, halfway through the opening already. Nil watched as his gaze slipped down to trace over every inch of him and he couldn’t help the cocky smile that tugged at his lips as he tucked his hands into his pockets. When Avad met his gaze again, he almost shivered at the heat in his eyes. 

“Like what you see?”

Instead of answering, Avad stepped close to wrap a hand around the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Responding in kind, Nil gripped his waist as Avad pressed against him. When they broke apart, they were both breathless and Avad’s voice was husky. “You look gorgeous.” 

Nil smiled at him crookedly before he lightly pushed his boyfriend back a little so that he could check him out as well. 

Clad in a light beige tweed suit, Avad looked like the quintessential professor - one that could star in any of the fantasies Nil was currently having about him. The bright white of his shirt and bow tie only made the brown shade of his skin glow more than it usually did and Nil was tempted to seduce Avad into forgetting the gala. Like his own hair, Avad’s was loose, the golden brown curls falling over his shoulders perfectly and a touch of red eyeliner highlighted the deep brown of his eyes. 

“‘Forswear it, sight!’” Nil murmured, awe still caught in his throat. 

Matching the shade of his makeup, red seeped up to color Avad’s neck and face and he scoffed. “Stop that.” 

Flustered, he finally turned to lock up and Nil took advantage of it to wrap his arms around his waist and nuzzle a kiss against his neck. “You look beautiful as well, Avad.”

Stuttering out a thank you, Avad disentangled himself to lead them outside and Nil followed, not bothering to hide his laughter. As usual, Avad was driving, so they slid into his BMW to make their way to the museum. Nil couldn’t keep his eyes off of him for most of the trip, his attention constantly caught on the way he talked and the occasional glances he would pierce him with. 

“-hope you’ll like him, he’s been my mentor for years.” 

Nil’s ears finally caught up with him and he realized he had been spacing out while he stared at Avad’s lips. He must have been talking about Marad, the professor that he worked for. 

“If he managed to earn as much respect as you give him, I’m sure I will,” he replied. 

Throwing him a quick smile, Avad pulled into the big parking garage reserved for museum visitors. They had to circle around more than once; the place was packed tight. Eventually, they found a space and Avad gratefully took it. When they got out, Nil held his elbow out gallantly, and Avad slipped his hand into his arm with a laugh. Despite the gesture, Avad was the one who led them where they were supposed to go. 

“I haven’t been here in years,” Nil mused as they found their way into the marbled lobby. Murals covered the walls and a feeling of nostalgia swept over him as they strolled to the front desk. 

“Sometimes I feel like I spend more time here than anywhere else.” Despite the grudging way he said it, Avad’s expression was one of contentment and Nil watched as he took in their surroundings with a little smile. “Well, here and the history museum a block over,” he said wryly.

A few other well-dressed couples stood in line at the desk so they fell in behind them. 

“I would come here for middle school field trips,” Nil said softly. “It’s the first place that made me feel like I didn’t have to be who I was. Seeing all of these paintings of places so far away and places that didn’t exist at all…”

“That’s when you fell in love with art?”

Nil nodded. “I enjoyed losing myself in the study of paint and stone that was crafted by someone to entrance their audience.”

He could feel Avad’s wise eyes on him but he couldn’t ask what was on his mind because they had reached the front of the line. Turning away from him, Avad handed their tickets to the woman and she graciously gestured for them to enter the gala. 

The noise that had been muffled before rose in pitch and volume as they made their way into the museum proper. Hundreds of people were wandering through the hallways, admiring the paintings and sculptures scattered across walls and through the paths they took. Avad snagged a waiter as he passed and soon the two of them blended in with the others, gussied up and holding champagne glasses filled with bubbles. 

Avad maneuvered through the crowd effortlessly and Nil watched him with admiration. There was a certain fluidity to the way he did it that told anyone who saw him that Avad had been doing this sort of dance for a long time. Despite that, most of his attention was on the art, not the people. It was easy to see who he liked and who he tolerated by how long he was willing to ignore the art in favor of talking to them. 

He could admit to a certain similar pull. The art surrounding them was beautiful, a mix of styles and mediums, all created by the upper level students at Avad’s university. They hadn’t reached Avad’s section yet and Nil got the distinct impression that he was nervous about showing him and winding them around it. Just as he was about to call him out, Avad spotted someone new.

“There’s the professor!” 

Nil found himself dragged across the room as they wove between people and he couldn’t begrudge the happy smile Avad wore. Eventually they made their way to an older man, his dark hair greying and his brown eyes warm with amusement. 

“Hello, Avad. How are you?” His voice was deep and authoritative, but he was gazing at him fondly.

“I’m well. It’s good to see you, sir,” Avad said, the words feeling rehearsed, as if this professor had admonished him more than once about skipping formalities. “I’d like to introduce you to my boyfriend. Nil, this is Marad Ismat, my history professor and mentor. Professor Marad, this is Nil Argent, my and Aloy’s boyfriend.”

Those formerly warm eyes landed on him and Nil itched as he was evaluated by this man. He kept a smile plastered on when he reached out to shake his hand but it wasn’t until Marad smiled slightly that the feeling of discomfort started to fade. 

“It’s nice to meet you. Avad has talked about you enough that I feel I already know you,” he said wryly. 

As if on cue, Avad started blushing. 

With a laugh, Nil replied, “He speaks often of you as well.”

In an obvious ploy to distract them, Avad asked his professor about some of the other art they had seen and the three talked for a while about the exhibit. Avad had an easy report with the man and Nil could see even clearer the fondness they held for each other. Scolding and praising him in turn, Marad was the consummate mentor. 

“So have you shown Mr. Argent your portion of the exhibit?” he asked archly.

“If he had,” Nil said, “I doubt I could have stopped staring long enough to come over here.” He gave Avad a pointed look. 

Ducking his head, Avad shifted on his feet. “Would you like to come, professor?” 

“I’ve already seen it - and you did very well, Avad. You two go have fun.” With that, he waved them off.

Avad took his hand and they made their way to the only section they hadn’t been to yet. 

“I can see the nerves plucking at you, Avad,” Nil commented. “I’ve seen your art before; why are you letting it eat at you now?”

“I, um, might have made some of these with certain people in mind,” he mumbled. 

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Nil’s lips widened into a grin. “By certain people, do you mean the huntress and I?”

When Avad finally admitted it, Nil pressed a kiss to his cheek before sliding his lips to his ear. “I’ll have to think of a proper gift to give you in return,” he whispered, letting his voice drop to the tone he knew Avad liked when they were wrapped up together in bed. 

His lover shivered and pushed him away, but Nil could see the heat rising in his face and the look Avad threw him wasn’t very innocent either. 

“Stop that, you have to actually see them first.”

“Oh? Once I see them, I can show you my thanks?” Teasing Avad was entirely too much fun since the blush doubled and Avad squeezed his hand until it began to hurt.

Undeterred, Nil squeezed back and Avad gave up with a disgusted sigh. Instead of responding, he just brought him to the first in a new section, where the crowd had just left behind an empty viewing spot. 

Nil felt his breath leave him. 

He knew Avad was a good artist, but this… This was undoubtedly the most beautiful thing he had ever painted. It was a study in contrasts, cool blues and purples and whites melding with and reflected by hot reds and yellows and oranges. They formed a motif of the sun and moon, set opposite each other but linked throughout the play of colors. 

Tears pricked his eyes as he remembered Avad’s words. Stunned, he whispered, “Is this…”

“I was thinking of you when I painted this,” he said softly, his eyes tracing over his work. “You and me, at least.”

As beautiful as the art was, it would have taken nothing short of wild horses to drag Nil’s gaze away from the man beside him. If he was the moon, Avad was truly the sun and he would be happy to reflect his light for eternity. When Avad peeked to find him staring, Nil pulled him close to kiss him hard on the mouth. Avad melted against him and it was a long minute before Nil pulled back to rest his forehead against his boyfriend’s. 

“Thank you, Avad.”

Huffing out a breathless laugh, he said, “So you like it then?”

“I love it.” Nil kept his arm around Avad’s waist when he pulled back to gaze at the painting. “What did you name it?”

Sighing, Avad laid his head on his shoulder. “I haven’t named the individual pieces yet, only the series. _It’s In The Stars._ A celestial themed collection.” They stared at it in silence for a few minutes before Avad broke it with a lighter tone. “Is it arrogant of me to use the sun for myself?”

Nil let out a snort. “It’s the comparison any would make for you, oh Sun King. Now show me one about Aloy.” 

Doing as he commanded, Avad toured him through the rest of his pieces. As it turned out, Aloy was the earth itself. His paintings ranged from landscapes to fantastic renderings of the solar system itself but each featured one or more of them - sun, earth, and moon. 

The last in the series was an abstract, just the blending of the colors Avad chose for each of them. Blues, reds, and shades of gray and black swirled together like the northern lights cast across a night sky. Nil reached out to trace the flow of color across the canvas but stopped just short, looking back guiltily. 

“Go ahead and touch it,” Avad said while smothering a smile. “I don’t mind if it’s you.” 

Nil smirked at him but he turned back to the painting, letting his fingertips brush across the whorls of paint. He had created this for them. All of these paintings were for them. His heart ached for this, to see things of beauty hanging in the halls of a place he loved - things that were supposed to represent _him._ Created by someone he loved. 

He grabbed Avad’s hand and was tugging him through the crowd before he could protest. There had been signs earlier and he spotted them again around the next corner. The mass of people had begun to thin out as they reached the edges of the gala and he ducked inside the next bathroom he saw. 

“Nil, what-”

Shoving him up against the wall, Nil was kissing him before he could finish. It only took Avad a moment to catch up but then he was moving with him, gasping into his mouth. He tasted like heaven and Nil pressed against him, needing to feel the length of his body against his own. Sliding his hands up Avad’s shoulders to his neck, he tangled his fingers in that glorious mane and lost himself to the feeling of his lips and skin. 

Avad clutched at his waist, his fingers tight enough to bite even through the layers of his suit. Groaning, Nil left his lips to press hot, open-mouthed kisses along his jaw and down his neck. It took his lover a minute to notice that his hands had made their way down to the front of his vest, scrambling to undo the buttons lining the front. 

When he did, Avad grasped his hands to stop him. “Nil, we can’t- not here-” The words came out as gasps and they made Nil pause for a second. 

He didn’t even have to step away from Avad to lean over and flip the lock on the door.

Turning back with a cocky grin, he said, “Now we can.” 

Avad rolled his eyes, but he was already tugging Nil’s lips back to his own. Finally, he finished unbuttoning his vest and Nil spread his hands along the soft fabric of Avad’s shirt, savoring the warmth of his skin underneath. Wrapping his arms around Nil’s neck, Avad moaned quietly. 

Unable to wait, Nil tugged on his shirt until it was free from the waist of his pants and shoved it out of the way until he could get to his belt. Once he had that undone and Avad’s cock in his hand, his partner arched against him and groaned. Nil didn’t bother to stifle the sound, only nipped his bottom lip and teasingly whispered, “Don’t be too loud, my prince.” 

Knowing it would torment him, Nil’s strokes were slow and measured, at least until Avad gasped his name. The moment it left his lips, Nil couldn’t hold back either. 

Breaking their kiss, he dropped to his knees and looked up to lock eyes with Avad before taking him into his mouth. This time, Avad muffled himself, biting down on his lip as his eyes rolled up. Nil savored the taste and feel of him, taking him deeper until his cock was practically down his throat. Trembling against him, Avad’s hands clenched and unclenched until Nil gently pulled them to his head. 

When he pulled back, he placed a kiss on the tip of his cock before swallowing him down again. He knew all of Avad’s weaknesses, the things that made him lose control and come undone, and he took advantage of that now. 

Avad’s grip tightened on in his hair as he thrust into his mouth, his hips stuttering as he got close to the edge. The temptation to stop to bend Avad over the nearby counter and fuck him until he ached flitted through his mind but Nil disregarded it. He wanted to show him how much he appreciated him, how much he loved his art and the passion that had made it, so this was about Avad, not him. 

“Nil, I’m going to…” 

Pulling back, Nil licked up the length of his cock before looking up at him. “You can let go, Avad. I’ve got you.” 

Silencing himself with a hand over his mouth, Avad came a minute later and Nil swallowed all of him down. When he pulled back, he swiped his lip with his thumb and grinned up at a blushing Avad. Rising from his knees, he tilted Avad’s chin up to kiss him softly. Avad’s breaths came heavy but his hold on Nil softened as he leaned into the kiss. 

“Thank you for inviting me tonight,” Nil murmured.

Letting out an exasperated laugh, Avad said, “If this is what you’re going to do, I don’t know if I should take you out more often or less.” 

Smirking, he helped Avad put himself back together before brushing off his own pants. They left the bathroom looking only slightly disheveled - Avad more so than Nil - and it wasn’t until they were already back out in the gallery that Nil noticed the bruise forming on his neck. Unable to help himself, he leaned in close. 

The blush Avad wore the rest of the gala was worth every dirty look he threw his way. 

***

Since the age of museum donors sometimes skewed older, the galas tended to start earlier than they would otherwise. Which meant that after eating all the _hors d'oeuvres_ that they could manage, Nil and Avad were leaving while the last bits of sunset were still visible along the edge of the sky. Without the responsibility of driving, Nil had been able to partake in the champagne more than his boyfriend and a warm tipsiness from the bubbles only contributed to the joy he was feeling as they made their way home. 

Loosening his tie and popping the top buttons on his shirt, Nil breathed a sigh of relief. Safe in the car, he didn’t have to worry about whether that was acceptable and the freedom was nice. Avad sent him an amused look, no doubt used to the confines of such trappings since he practically dressed up like this every day and Nil teased him about just that. The rest of their trip home was filled with their critiques of the other artists and more of Nil’s adoration for Avad’s series. 

Aloy’s truck was still gone when they pulled into the parking lot, though that wasn’t very unusual. When she worked evenings, she would often help with any clean up or babysitting the kids whose parents were late to pick them up. Nil hadn’t gotten the chance to go see her work yet but the idea of her teaching a bunch of kids how to use a weapon fascinated and amused him to no end. 

The two men leaned against each other as they made their way over to Avad’s apartment, neither seeming to want to stop touching the other, even if touching just meant an arm slung around Nil’s waist or fingers tugging at Avad’s loose curls. 

Nil never even paused to consider going to his own apartment. He’d spent so many nights with his lovers that it was more unusual for him _not_ to go to theirs. So they made their way into the dark apartment and finally let go of each other so Avad could flick the lights on. Nil stripped off his jacket and vest, throwing them over the back of a chair before collapsing onto the couch. Slipping off his own shoes, jacket and vest, Avad sat next to him.

Half reclining against the arm of the couch, Nil watched as he tied up all that mess of hair into a ponytail. Once done, Avad stretched himself over Nil until he could kiss him lightly. 

Chuckling, Nil shifted until he was fully laying down and Avad was sprawled on top of him. “You know,” he mused, “this would be more comfortable without all of these restricting clothes still on.”

Pulling back slightly, Avad adopted an affronted look. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

“It worked pretty well earlier,” he replied smugly. 

Thumping his forehead against Nil’s chest, Avad groaned. “I still cannot believe you did that.” 

Brushing his thumb over the hickey he’d sucked onto his skin only a couple hours earlier, Nil murmured, “You seemed to like it.”

“I did.” Avad hooked a hand behind Nil’s neck to bring him closer for a quick kiss. “But if you pull that again, I’ll-”

“Make sure I give you a hickey somewhere it won’t be seen?”

Avad let out a disgusted sigh but he didn’t contradict him. Taking that as a victory, Nil kissed him again. For a while they lay like that, soft kisses and relaxed touches as they lounged. 

Eventually, their kisses turned harder, lasting longer as Avad shifted so that his knees dug into the cushions on either side of Nil’s hips. Letting him set the pace, Nil let his hands rest on his thighs and forced himself to stay still as his partner ground down against him. He’d been half hard earlier while he was pleasuring Avad, but every movement now made his blood sing. 

He was working his way down the buttons on Avad’s shirt when the door slammed open. 

Surprise made them jerk apart, but it was a voice as cold as ice that made the man he loved freeze above him.

“Somehow I’m not surprised to find you like this.”

Confused, Nil looked to the open door to find an older man standing there. Dressed in a full suit, dark hair streaked with silver, he stood tall and proud despite having barged into someone else’s apartment. Stern derision lined his face and his brown eyes were focused solely on Avad. 

A glance back at his boyfriend only confirmed Nil’s suspicion. Avad’s eyes were locked on him, as if he couldn’t bear to look away, towards the man Nil knew was his father without ever having seen him before. Horror and fear battled in Avad’s gaze and his hands were twisted in Nil’s shirt so hard that his knuckles had turned white. 

Jiran let out a disgusted noise. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, boy.” 

Woodenly, Avad obeyed, turning to face his father. His voice was devoid of any emotion when he asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I did come to visit my son, but apparently instead I’ve found a degenerate,” he sneered. 

Sitting up slowly, Nil gently pushed Avad off of him, though he kept him close. This man hadn’t even looked at him and he already hated him with every fiber of his being. Aloy’s warnings echoed in his mind and he knew this must be one of Avad’s worst nightmares. 

“You need to leave,” he said quietly, though there was force behind his words. 

Cruel eyes finally met his gaze before flicking back away dismissively, as if he weren’t worth the effort it would take to respond. 

As if unaware of the deep shock his son was in, Jiran strolled further into the apartment. He examined everything and his lips twisted more with each second that passed. In the silence, Nil reached out to Avad. His eyes were closed now, breaths coming faster and faster. Dismissing Jiran as he had done to him moments ago, Nil cupped Avad’s face. 

“Hey,” he murmured. “I’m here. It’s going to be okay, but you have to breathe, Avad.” 

Avad clutched at his wrists as he concentrated on taking deeper breaths. He was just starting to calm when Jiran started talking again and ruined it. 

“Take your hands off of him, gutter rat,” he snapped. Before Nil could process it, Jiran was beside them and physically pushing him away from Avad. He yanked Avad to his feet and halfway across the room towards the door by the time Avad finally dug his heels in and stopped. 

His voice was shaky, but Nil heard him just barely. “Do not talk to him like that.”

Jiran’s head whipped around and he pinned his son with a vicious glare. “What makes you think you have any more right to tell me what to do than that trash over there? I thought I had beaten the faggot out of you years ago but apparently you need another lesson, so you’re coming with me.”

Nil was up and standing beside Avad in a split second, his hand on his back to steady him. People like Jiran had been calling him trash for most of his life, but hearing him threaten Avad made rage roar through him and every instinct told him to keep him as far away from his lover as possible. 

As hard as Avad tried to yank his arm from Jiran’s grasp, the old man’s grip just tightened. 

“You have been away from home for far too long, Avad,” he snarled. “You’ve forgotten your place and the things I taught you and you need to be back where you belong.” 

“Back to where you trapped me?” Avad shot off, the words seeming to surprise even himself. He finally managed to free his wrist, but his father just stepped in close.

“Your brother may be a thorn in my side, but _you_ will obey me, Avad Surya. You carry my name and _I_ am the only reason you are worth anything in this life. You should be thanking me for the gifts I have bestowed on you,” he spat, “not begging to be fucked by any poor excuse for a man that looks your way.” 

Each word made Avad collapse a little more and Nil wasn’t sure how to help him. So he did the only thing he could. Pulling Avad back, he got between the two of them, blocking Jiran from his target. 

“He is not yours to control, Jiran, and he does not want you here. So get out,” he growled. 

“Keep my name off of your tongue,” Jiran snapped. 

“Fuck you.”

Jiran raised his hand and the memory of another man doing the same thundered through Nil’s brain. This time was different. He was not a child and this was not his father. Catching Jiran’s hand before it got anywhere near him, Nil pushed him hard enough that he stumbled several steps back. 

Instead of fear, anger verging on madness filled Jiran’s eyes and his words came out loud enough to pierce Nil’s ears. “You are not worthy enough to touch that piece of shit I fathered, let alone me. I don’t know who fucked your mother to give you those deformed eyes, but he must have spawned from the gutter itself.”

Nil saw red and he was afraid he might have been about to kill him before Avad’s hand slipped into his own. Mirroring the way he had protected him, Avad stepped in front of him. All of the tremors that he had been trying to suppress since his father had flung open his door were gone and his voice was steady.

“You have come here unannounced and threatened both me and the man I love. You can leave now or I will call the police to come and throw you out. I don’t care which, as long as you get out of my sight.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello asshole! We all knew Jiran was gonna come in at some point yeah? I hate myself for writing this so feel free to yell at me in the comments. 
> 
> A few notes on this chapter:
> 
> “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.” -Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
> 
> Ismat is a classical Arabic surname that means infallibility, impeccability, and faultlessness, all of which I thought translated nicely from his title of Blameless Marad. 
> 
> I took the name for Avad’s collection from Here to Mars by Coheed and Cambria and I highly recommend you go listen to it because it’s one of my favorite songs of all time and it fits them so well it hurts.


	14. You Left the Light On (Yes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloy comes home to find one of her least favorite people invading her home - and Jiran's presence spurs a confession that's been a long time coming. 
> 
> Chapter title this week is lyrics from The Light & The Glass by Coheed and Cambria - and it's an answer to the question from last week.

Exhaustion tugged at Aloy as she made her way home. Two of the boys at the camp had been waiting an extra two hours for their mom to come pick them up. As it turned out, she’d had to work later at her waitressing shift. The slight panic she’d been in and the way she checked on her sons soothed any irritation Aloy felt at having to stay late. Not all of those kids had good parents so it was nice.

Even still, it had been a long day and she was ready to settle in for a quiet night with her own boys. She smiled as she thought of them. Avad had told her that he’d created his paintings for them and she knew Nil would be stunned at the reveal. She wished she could have been there, but she’d get the whole story from them tonight. And she’d visit the gallery herself later this week. 

Someone with a fancy car had taken her normal spot, but Aloy just sighed and slid her truck into a slot further back. On her way in, she spotted Avad’s BMW and she smiled again. If she’d had to wait up for them, she might well have fallen asleep by the time they got home. 

Checking the mail when she got in the building was a habit but it was all junk so she trashed it before heading further down the hall. She was grabbing her keys when she heard a voice on the other side of their door that made her go still. 

“-as if incompetent American cops could do anything to me.” 

She’d only met him in person once but she knew that voice. “Oh, hell no,” she muttered.

Stowing her keys back in her pocket, Aloy shoved the door open. The scene that greeted her was not one she _ever_ wanted to see and her grip on the bow she had brought home tightened until her knuckles ached. Avad and Nil stood together, both of them looking thoroughly worn out, and before them was Britain’s dad of the year.

Jiran looked exactly as he had the last time she’d seen him; prim and pissed off. _Good,_ she thought, _half my job done already._

Upon turning to see who had come in, he hissed, _“You.”_

“Hi, Jiran,” she said with a smile edged in steel. “How kind of you for letting us know you were coming. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to fuck off now.” She dropped all pretense and let her face and voice harden so that he knew exactly how much she meant her words. 

He was seething and she knew it. The first and last time she’d met him, she’d made him angry enough to kick her out of his house and it was one of her favorite memories. 

Waving an imperious hand at her boyfriends, he asked, “And how do you feel about your paramour fucking someone else, savage girl?” 

Aloy saw Nil start to lunge for him, but Avad held him back. She let a smug grin out. “Who, Nil? I happen to be fucking him, too, actually. I know this might come as a surprise to someone with a tiny, shrivelled heart like yours, but it is possible for a relationship to be comprised of more than just one person and their ego. Not that I’d expect you to know how that feels, since you’ve never been able to keep a wife without her escaping you one way or another.” 

Jiran was practically fuming when he spat out, “You’ve always dragged him down. I should have known you’d be responsible for this depravity-”

“Shut the fuck up, Jiran. You don’t know anything about me or Nil and least of all about Avad. So please, listen to what I’m sure they told you and get the hell out.” Aloy gallantly held her arm out to direct him to the door she’d left wide open.

When Jiran didn’t move whatsoever, Avad spoke up. “It’s not depravity. I love both of them, more than I ever loved you. They matter more to me than you or your company or anything you could give me. I’m not going back with you,” he declared. His voice only shook the barest amount and she was so proud of him that it threatened to bring Aloy to tears. 

Jiran snapped out several expletives in Hindi but Aloy just shrugged. Slinging her backpack off, she laid both that and her bow on the ground before standing to her full height. Circling around him like he was her prey, Aloy waited until she was on his other side to start pushing him out the door. 

The yelling started as soon as she touched him, but Aloy paid him absolutely no mind as she muscled him out of their apartment. By this point, the noise had drawn the attention of their neighbors and she saw a few heads pop out of the other units as she finally shoved him all the way out. 

“You cannot treat me like this, you cur!” 

Aloy smiled. “Be careful,” she whispered. “Other people might be watching your descent into insanity. Wouldn’t want the anyone finding out the supreme Jiran Surya isn’t the epitome of upper class perfection, would we?”

He opened his mouth to snap something back but he looked to see their audience and shut it again. His glare could have burned her but his parting shot was aimed at Avad. “I’m in town for the week. I’ll see you again before I leave.” 

With that, he spun on his heel to stalk down the hall, looking for all the world like he thought he had won this standoff. As soon as she heard the front door to the building slam shut, she turned to the neighbors still watching her curiously. “Sorry about that! It won’t happen again.” 

She got a few more odd looks but she waved them away before closing the door - and locking it. 

“Avad-” Before she could say anymore, he caught her up in a tight hug, his grip so tight she started to struggle. Laughing breathlessly, she managed to gasp out, “Avad, I can’t breathe, stop it!” 

When he loosened his hold, Avad started pressing kisses all over her face. “You are _amazing,_ Aloy. I love you so much.” 

“I know, I know. I love you too,” she said, exasperated. Covering his mouth with her hand, she pushed him back so she could study him. Now that the adrenaline was starting to wear off, worry seeped into her bones. “Are you okay? Why was he here?” 

Sighing, Avad pushed his hand into his hair. “To drag me back home apparently. He found Nil and I…” 

Aloy reached out to tug at the still-open edges of his shirt and smiled sadly. “I can guess. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

She could still see both the pain and panic still lingering in Avad’s eyes, but he smiled anyway. “I’m just glad you got here when you did. He wouldn’t listen to either of us and I was afraid Nil was about to throw him out the window.”

“He’d deserve it,” she grumbled. Looking past Avad, she saw Nil standing in the middle of the room. 

Arms wrapped around himself, he was staring at Avad with wide eyes. 

“Nil? Are you okay?” 

Reaching out to him, Aloy realized what might be happening. “I’m so sorry, the yelling must have been awful-”

Nil shook his head, the movement jerky. “You-” The words seem to stick in his throat and he swallowed convulsively. 

Both of them drew closer and Nil tracked them with his bright silver eyes, though his stare kept returning to Avad. It took her a moment to realize that he wasn’t shaking and there was none of the hazy confusion that happened during his panic attacks. 

The only thing she could see in his gaze was wonder.

“You said that you loved me. Is that true?”

***

The first time Avad had said it, the words had barely registered past the roaring in his ears. The second time… he’d heard that loud and clear. 

_I love both of them, more than I ever loved you._

“Did you mean it?” 

A smile stole over Avad’s face as his eyes softened. “Yes. I love you.”

All the breath left Nil’s body. His fingers dug into his rib cage until the pain convinced him this was no dream. Avad loved him. 

“No one- no one has ever said that to me,” he whispered, his voice cracking. Not since his mother died, and even the memory he had of her might have only been wishful thinking. But this… this was real. 

Stepping up to him, Aloy swiped at the tears he hadn’t realized were falling, her hands cradling his face. When he met her brilliant hazel eyes, he saw a similar shine in them. “Well, you’re going to have to get used to it, because I love you, too.”

His legs couldn’t seem to hold him any longer so Nil sunk down to his knees. He’d known for so long that he loved them, that he would do absolutely anything for them, but he never really expected them to love him in return. But they did, they loved him. 

Nil buried his face in his hands, the tears coming faster as a choked gasp escaped him. 

But he was only alone for a second, because then they were there. Their arms surrounded him and he could distantly hear them saying it, over and over again, as if they were trying to make up for all the years he hadn’t heard it. When Avad tugged on his hands until he dropped them, he kissed him softly. 

“We’ll say it as often as you need to hear it, okay?”

Aloy grinned at him. “Maybe even more than that, too.”

Words failed him, but Nil knew he had to tell them. They deserved all of him. Hoping his voice wouldn’t break, he lifted his gaze to meet theirs and summoned all of his courage. “I love you, too. Both of you, so much more than I ever thought I was capable of loving someone.” 

Their smiles were brighter than the sun itself and the force of their hug pushed all of them flat onto the ground. If he didn’t know better, Nil would have thought his heart was breaking from how much it ached. But no, his heart was so full he was afraid he might burst. His joyful laughter prompted their own and it was several long moments later that they finally caught their breaths. 

The other two were half on top of him and neither made a move to get off even when they calmed. Pushing back a curl of hair that had fallen from Avad’s ponytail, Nil said, “I’m sorry, Avad. I wish I could have been more help with Jiran.” 

“Honestly, that was maybe one of the worst and the best confrontations I’ve had with him,” Avad said quietly. Propping himself up half on Nil and half on the floor, he sighed. “It’s been a long time coming - but I feel… better now. And having you there and telling him to fuck off was immensely helpful,” he teased. 

“Not as helpful as having a ferocious huntress burst in to kick him out with his tail between his legs.” A blush tinged Aloy’s face at the words and Nil couldn’t help but tease her more. “For a moment there, I thought you might use that bow and cut him to his core. I think I’m disappointed that you didn’t,” he mused. 

Aloy shoved his chest lightly before grumbling, “I might have considered it. For a second.”

Hooking a hand behind her neck, Nil tugged her down for a kiss. What was meant to be a chaste bit of affection grew deeper as Aloy leaned into it. She took his breath away, melting into him until he moaned against her mouth. He wasn’t planning on stopping until their partner let out a little snort. 

“Why don’t we take this to the bedroom, hm?” Avad said wryly. 

Grinning at him, Nil levered himself up to sitting, pushing both of them off of him in the process. He cocked his head, staring at them for a moment. 

Avad looked at him suspiciously. “What?”

“I’m trying to figure out if I can carry both of you to bed without dropping you.”

Letting out a disgusted grunt, Aloy surged to her feet. “I’d rather not find out, thank you very much.” 

Unlike her, Avad was muffling a laugh. Sparing him a little grin, Nil shifted so that when he stood, he swept Aloy up and over his shoulder. A yelp sounded and she started to struggle against him, but he kept his arm clamped around her waist. 

“Nil, put me down or I swear-”

“Coming?” Nil asked lightly, holding a hand out for Avad. 

His boyfriend laughed before taking his hand and letting him haul him up. Avad used the movement to draw close, kissing Nil playfully before pulling him towards the bedroom. Nil gladly followed, making sure not to bump any part of his still struggling girlfriend on the doorway. As much as she hated being carried like this, she’d hold it against him forever if he accidentally smacked her head on the door. 

When they drew closer to the giant bed, Nil let go of Avad’s hand so that he could flip Aloy onto the bed. The impact knocked out some of her breath but she sat up to glare at him quick enough. “You’re lucky I love you, otherwise you’d be getting kicked for that.”

The words made his heart sing, even in the grumpy way she said them. Cupping her face in his hands, Nil leaned in close to brush first one kiss over her lips, then another and another. “I am,” he whispered. 

As quickly as it came, her irritation left, and Aloy was kissing him back. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he lost himself in the taste and feel of her lips and tongue. When he pulled back, it was only so that he could pull her shirt then sports bra up and off of her. He couldn’t stay away for long though and soon enough his lips were back on hers, his hands caressing her waist and exploring all the skin bared to him now. 

Nil felt another pair of hands wrap around his own waist, Avad pressing up behind him to start undoing the buttons of his shirt. The black silk fell away from his skin as Avad ran his hands over his chest and stomach, every touch lighting him up. His lover tugged his hands away from Aloy for just a second to strip the shirt off fully and then Avad pressed close again. Nil reached back to tangle his fingers in Avad’s hair when he felt him start to kiss along the back of his neck and across his shoulders, a groan escaping him even as Aloy leaned forward to kiss him again.

This time, Aloy’s hands joined Avad’s in their wandering path across his skin. Each touch felt like it branded him, their traces on his body, filled with the love and acceptance he had craved for so long. She was the more impatient of the two though so he wasn’t surprised when she started tugging at his belt, her breath coming faster as his kiss grew harder. 

When she had his pants undone, she shoved them down off his hips and Nil muffled his groan with her lips as her hand closed around his cock. It had been a long night but before they had been rudely interrupted, he’d had Avad on top of him and the memory of that combined with Aloy’s clever fingers had him achingly hard. 

Aloy broke their kiss to lay hot, open-mouthed kisses against the column of his neck. Teasing little nips across his skin, she made her way down as she slowly stroked his length. She paused over his heart, kissing his chest softly enough that tears gathered in his eyes. 

“It’s yours,” he murmured. “My heart belongs to both of you.”

Avad’s arms around him tightened and Aloy gazed up at him with those beautiful shifting hazel eyes. “We’ll take good care of you, I promise.” The words were sincere but a little mischief played in the smile she wore. 

Pushing on his hips, she nudged Nil back enough that she could slip off the edge of the bed and onto her knees. His free hand slipped into her hair at the first touch of her lips on his cock and he watched her with hooded eyes as she closed them around his length. Unable to help himself, his hips bucked as he thrust into her hot mouth and he groaned. When she started sucking him, Nil let his head fall back onto Avad’s shoulder and gave into her touch. 

All the while, Avad’s hands wandered over his skin, tracing circles over his stomach before moving up to play with the rings piercing his nipples. He continued to press soft kisses onto Nil’s neck and the combination of his touch and Aloy’s teasing had the pressure inside him growing too fast. 

“Aloy,” he rasped. She ignored him, continuing to pump his cock as she swirled her tongue around the tip and his grip on her hair tightened. “Kitten, if you keep going, I’m not going to last very long.” 

Finally taking mercy on him, she pulled off and stood to kiss him lightly. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?” 

Nil growled at her playfully before pushing her back onto the bed. Laughing, Aloy let him, and she lifted her hips to let him hook his fingers into the waist of her shorts to pull both them and her panties off together. Tossing the garments carelessly, he stepped out of his own pants and turned to face Avad. 

Now the only one still partially clothed, Avad let him undress him fully. While Nil’s hands stroked across his skin as he slid down his trousers, Avad’s were tracing the planes of his face as if he were memorizing them. When Nil met his gaze, he found nothing but warm affection waiting for him there. 

“You really did look amazing tonight, Sahad,” he said softly. 

The sound of his real name made Nil’s heart jump and he couldn’t help but stare at this beautiful man. They had seen some of the ugliest parts of him and hadn’t shied away. Knew the real him and loved him anyway. Pulling Avad close, he kissed him tenderly, lingering in the feeling of acceptance. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against Avad’s. “Thank you.”

He smiled, dropping a kiss on the crown of Nil’s head before pushing him back onto the bed next to Aloy. Leaning over, he braced his hands on either side of Nil and got close enough to hover over him, his lips just a breath away. Tauntingly close, his gaze burned into Nil. “Will you let us take care of you tonight?”

“I-” Avad was the one who just had to face down his father, he should be the one they should be tending to. But… Avad liked to care for them. Something about taking care of Aloy or Nil helped center him and Nil could see a bit of that need in him now. If focusing on him would help Avad… well, Nil could admit that the idea of being treasured right now wasn’t exactly a burden. So instead of protesting, he gave his lover a little smirk. “Have your fun, pretty boy, but don’t get too used to it.” 

Smothering a laugh, Avad kissed him. Nil let his hands wander across his lean form, enjoying the ease of having Avad standing between his open knees. When it didn’t look like Avad wasn’t in a hurry to move, Nil felt Aloy shift to settle behind him. 

Her hands, smaller and cold enough to make him shiver, landed on his back before dancing across his skin. The rough calluses on her fingers, built up from all of the times she spent with her bow in hand, slid over all the scars littering the expanse of his back. Aloy’s lips followed, brushing softly over each of the marks that had been seared into him in one way or another. As she kissed them, a little piece of what was broken inside him healed. 

Somehow, their soft touches managed to close old wounds that had only festered on their own. 

Nil deepened his kiss with Avad, his movements growing rougher in his need to have them as close as possible. By the time Avad drew back, they were both breathless and gasping. After sharing a look with Aloy, Avad urged him up fully onto the bed and he complied. Taking advantage, Aloy drew him into a kiss of her own and guided him until he was stretched out over her, sprawled together in the middle of their giant bed. 

He let her set the pace, slow and sweet as she drew her knees up to cradle his hips with her thighs and threaded her fingers through his hair. Every inch of her was soft in this moment, though he knew the strength that she had cultivated for years and lurked in her sleek muscles, and he let his hands wander. He had touched her so many times but this time he savored her more than usual, the gasps she let out when he stroked a sensitive spot and the way she arched under him. 

They weren’t alone long, and Nil felt Avad slip onto the bed beside them. A warm hand fell to his back, tracing the line of his spine down to settle on his hip. Caught between the two of them, Nil couldn’t have been any happier. When Avad’s other hand joined the first, he settled for exploring the muscles of his back for a little, all while Aloy stoked the fire inside him. Her eager touch combined with Avad’s steady and sure movements tore at Nil’s composure until all he knew was _need._

With a cry of his name, Aloy’s fingers dug into his hips and Nil shifted to thrust inside her. As much as his blood ached for him to take her hard, he measured his pace, filling her slowly until they both groaned when he hilted himself fully inside of her. Aloy threw her head back into the bed, her sunset-shaded hair flung across the sheets, as she rocked up into him. 

Needing to revel in this moment, Nil kept his slow pace. He heard Avad’s choked off groan but his hands never left Nil, continuing to explore as he and Aloy moved together. Leaning down, he nipped at Aloy’s pale throat, soothing the faint marks with his tongue a moment later as she writhed beneath him. 

Eventually, Avad must have grown impatient, because Nil felt him settle behind him. Those wandering hands smoothed over his ass and thighs and he let out a sharp gasp as he felt Avad rock up against him. Nil’s hips stuttered in their pace as he felt Avad’s cock against his ass and need pulsed through him. 

“Nil. Can I-” Avad’s voice was low and husky and the sound of it nearly drove him insane. 

Jerking out a nod, Nil shifted to spread his legs wider even as he rocked into Aloy again. “Yes, _please,_ I need you,” he managed to gasp out. 

Despite being buried inside Aloy, the long moment when Avad didn’t touch him felt like torture. When his hand settled onto his hip once again, Nil shuddered and buried his face between Aloy’s breasts. She ran her fingers through his hair, murmuring something as she brushed a kiss on his head that he couldn’t hear through the roaring in his veins. 

Avad was gentle with him, from the very first brush of his slicked fingers against his entrance. Nil’s thrusts had stopped at his touch but when Avad pushed a finger inside him, he rolled back into him instinctively. With the hand on his hip, Avad guided him as he rocked between them, the dizzying sensation of filling and being filled taking him past the point of sanity already. 

For all that they were trying to take this slow and enjoy it, Avad’s usual patience was wearing thin apparently. He picked up his pace just slightly, his fingers inside of him no longer enough as Nil ached for more. He whimpered so quietly when Avad retreated but he didn’t have to wait long before Avad shifted closer to press his cock against his ass. 

Reaching back blindly, Nil caught Avad’s hand and twined their fingers together as he slowly pushed inside him. This wasn’t the first time he had let Avad fuck him, but the slow build along with Aloy’s heat and the feeling of being completely surrounded by them enhanced every feeling. 

Aloy hooked her feet behind his thighs, simultaneously pulling him closer and spreading him more for Avad and Nil cried out against her skin. That was what shattered his control, and he moved, caught between the two of them as he thrust into Aloy and felt his other lover match his pace. The pressure built within him, so fast to overwhelm him, but he fought against it, unwilling to let this be over too soon. 

Leaning over him, Avad skimmed his lips over his spine as he anchored himself with his hand tight on Nil’s hip. “By the sun, you are perfect,” he whispered. 

The words tore through him and he cried out, only to be silenced by Aloy’s mouth as she kissed him fiercely. The dam broke and their movements became rough, their hands everywhere as their thrusts grew frantic and fast. One of Aloy’s hands slipped between them to find where they were joined, her pussy spasming around him as she rubbed at her bundle of nerves until she was shaking. When she came, she cried out against his lips, her nails digging into his shoulder as he continued to drive into her. 

Nil couldn’t last much longer and when Avad pushed him down further, his cock brushed against a sensitive spot inside him and he groaned. Knowing he was close, Avad’s thrusts grew faster, each time hitting that spot until Nil couldn’t resist anymore. Gasping, Nil came, still buried inside Aloy as light exploded in his eyes and he trembled with his release. 

“That’s it, let go, Sahad,” Aloy murmured, her own voice still shaky. 

Letting his thrusts slow, Avad’s touch turned gentle once again. His hands smoothed over his skin until Nil was oversensitized, every movement setting his nerves on fire. 

“Avad,” he groaned. “Please-”

Pressing a kiss to his shoulder, Avad murmured, “I love you,” before losing his own grasp of control. He pushed into Nil hard and fast until he spent himself inside of him with a cry. 

Nil felt him collapse on top of him, and he huffed out a laugh as Aloy wriggled beneath them both.

“Too heavy,” she wheezed. 

With the little strength he had left, Nil shifted Avad out of him and pushed him gently off to the side. Avad landed with a grunt and retaliated by pushing him off to her other side and Nil laughed. 

When he moved to get up, Avad and Aloy followed. Despite his protests they wouldn’t stay in bed and wait for him, following him to the bathroom instead. 

“We said we would take care of _you,_ remember?” Aloy said stubbornly. 

Nil liked their soft touches too much to put up more than another weak argument, so he let them usher him into the shower before they joined him. The hot water ran cold before they left, too busy being lost in each other to notice until the icy sting shocked them. 

After changing the sheets, Avad volunteered to make them a late dinner since Aloy said that her stomach wouldn’t let her sleep while it was eating itself. Unable to stray too far from each other, Aloy hopped up to sit on the counter and Nil leaned back against her between her legs. 

Looping her arms around his shoulders, she rested her chin on one to ask, “How was the exhibit?”

Nil felt a blush start to rise and he kept his gaze locked on the floor so it was Avad who answered. 

“Well, he gave me a blow job in the bathroom, so I’d say it went well,” he said dryly. 

Aloy’s laugh vibrated through him and she pinched at his bare chest until he grabbed her wrist. “Stop that, little minx.”

“Imagine how much trouble we could’ve gotten into if I’d been there, too,” she mused, letting him keep a hold on her hand. 

“I’m never taking both of you to an exhibit,” Avad said, disgust lingering in his words even if Nil caught the edge of a smile as he turned away from them. 

“Ah, but you love us,” he teased, the words still making his heart soar. “You wouldn’t be able to say no to us.” 

Avad was quiet for a moment before they heard him whisper, “No. I would give anything to have you both at my side.”

 _And I feel the same._ Reaching out, Nil caught his hand to drag him close. Slipping his arms around Avad’s waist, he kissed him softly. Avad cupped his face in his hands, returning the kiss until he laughed as Aloy wrapped her legs around them both and squeezed hard. 

“So it’s settled,” she said tartly. “We still get to embarrass you at fancy galas when you get famous.”

Dragging her close, Avad kissed her too. “Yes, you can embarrass me whenever you want.”

When he left them to start cooking again, Nil tilted his head back to murmur, “We’ll make him regret saying that, won’t we, my huntress?”

Aloy brushed her lips over his cheek in a little caress. 

“Always.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapters gets me forgiven lmao. Only one more chapter then the epilogue!! Thanks y'all for reading and enjoying it, feel free to scream at me or let me know your favorite part in the comments!


	15. The Love That’s Guiding Him Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of a big night, Avad as a decision to make that's just as important - and it may give him everything he's ever wanted.
> 
> Chapter title this week is lyrics from Atlas by Coheed and Cambria!
> 
> Posting a few days early for my lovelies, rhysands-highlady and nalgenewhore, because they put up with my ship ;P

Bright rays of sunlight broke through the curtains and shone on Avad’s face until he shifted to shield his eyes. Slowly, he woke, stretching out leisurely and looking to find both of his lovers still fast asleep. 

It was always like this, him waking before them. He’d tease them about it but he loved to watch them sleep. Both of them were traumatized by their pasts just as much as he was, but they looked so at peace when they slept and he couldn’t help the soft tugs at his heart when he saw them like that. It was his favorite part of each morning. 

Nil had spent the night cuddled between them and Aloy’s arm and leg were still flung over him as she pressed against his back. He in turn was facing Avad, Aloy just barely visible over his broad shoulders until Avad propped himself up on his elbow. Brushing his fingers over Nil’s cheek in the barest caress, Avad leaned down to kiss him softly. 

Stirring slightly, Nil sighed and Avad drew back with a smile. Normally, he wouldn’t be able to sleep after seeing his father. He now went so long between visits that his nightmares plagued him the most right after those visits. But last night… he’d slept so deeply that none of the darkness could touch him. Wrapped up in Nil’s arms, nothing could have hurt him. 

He’d known, as soon as he woke up, what he needed to do. For them and, most of all, for himself. 

Quietly as he could, Avad slipped away from Nil and off their bed. This morning especially, he would have loved to stay with them, but he had something to take care of before he could truly enjoy his time spent with them. Silently, he promised to be back as fast as he could. 

Slipping on a pair of slacks and a polo, he dressed quickly. Not bothering to mess with his hair, he just threw it up into a messy bun. He didn’t need to look his best for this - in fact, he revelled in the slight messiness he usually would have fussed at. Grabbing his shoes and wallet, he made his way out to the living room, closing the bedroom door softly behind him. 

Avad checked his watch - late enough that he’d be awake but not early enough to worry about Aloy and Nil getting out of bed anytime soon. He planned to take care of this and be back with them before they even considered getting up. Before he left, he wrote them a quick note, sneaking back into the bedroom to lay it on his pillow. He hoped they wouldn’t, but if they did wake before his return, he didn’t want them worrying and coming after him. 

Not wanting to delay another minute, Avad left, nothing on him but his phone, keys and wallet. He waited until he was settled into his car to make the one call he needed to before he changed his life forever. 

“Hello?”

The deep voice made Avad smile, even as nerves fluttered useless through his stomach. “Hi, Kadaman. It’s me.”

“Baby brother, it’s been so long!” Ever the boisterous one, Kadaman’s voice held a tinge of laughter, his fondness for Avad evident even thousands of miles away. And he was exaggerating; it had only been a week since their last call. 

As much as he wanted to chat with his brother about anything else, Avad couldn’t. “I’m sure you know why I’m calling,” he said gravely. 

“Ah,” his brother sighed, “yes, I figured he would be stopping to see you.” 

“You didn’t think to warn me?” Avad asked, though he made sure to keep his tone light so his brother wouldn’t think he was accusing him too harshly. Kadaman would never have let Avad get ambushed if he had truly known it was coming. 

As he expected, Kadaman let out a disgusted grunt. “He didn’t even tell me he was leaving the country. I only found out this morning when he didn’t come into work.” 

Avad hummed. “Yes, I suspected that was the case. He dropped in on Nil and I last night unexpectedly.” 

“Oh, fuck.”

“Exactly.” Avad hesitated for just a moment before barreling on. “I’m finally doing it. I need you to tell me where he’s staying.” 

Silence, so profound that it echoed in his ears, answered his statement. Kadaman’s voice was thick with emotion when he finally spoke. “I am so proud of you, little sun. Whatever you need, I can get.” 

Tears pricked at Avad’s eyes and he wiped them away as Kadaman put him on hold. He wasn’t waiting long before his brother came back on the line and listed off the fanciest hotel in the city. Jiran wouldn’t have settled for less. 

“Thank you, Kadi.” This time, he was the one whose voice almost broke. 

“If you need anything, just call. I already have everything set up financially so you don’t have to worry about anything in that regard. Mum’s in the States right now too, so she can be over in a flash if you need her.”

The words were a balm to his soul. Even if she wasn’t their biological mother, Nasadi was the mother of their other brother and she’d managed to escape Jiran’s clutches with Kadaman’s help as well. She’d been a better parent to both of the teens she’d taken under her wing than their father had ever been. Standing up for them had caused her more than a little bit of strife and she was always willing to do so again. 

Letting out a little laugh, Avad nodded, even if Kadaman couldn’t see him. “I’ll keep that in mind. And Kadaman?”

“Yes?”

“Truly, thank you. For everything you’ve done for me over the years, protecting me the way you do. I’ve always known how lucky I was to have an older brother like you.” This time Avad let his tears fall freely, fear and relief warring inside him alongside the love he held for his brother. 

He heard a sniffle on the other side of the call. “Trying to make me cry at work? That’s a low blow, baby brother.” Avad knew to stay silent for a moment. “You’re welcome. I’d do anything for you, you know that, right?”

“I do,” he whispered. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it. You’ve got me and you’ve got those two hellions you love.” 

Avad choked out a laugh before hanging up. 

Throwing his phone on the passenger seat, he took a deep breath and swiped at his eyes. When he was ready, he threw the car into gear and made his way downtown, ready to face the man who’d been his biggest fear for all his life. 

When he got there, he had no choice but to valet, self parking not allowed. A part of him bristled, offended simply because he knew his father would be insulted if it _wasn’t_ valet-only. Striding inside, he ignored the looks the impeccable staff gave his slightly wrinkled clothes and went straight for the elevators. He had been here before, so he could make it look like he belonged and Kadaman had even been able to get Jiran’s room number so he didn’t need to bother with asking for it. 

The elevator ride was a long one, past many floors and made longer by the nerves that threatened to choke him. His fingers tapped uselessly against his thigh, all his energy condensed into that one gesture to keep himself in control. The only thing that calmed him was thinking of Aloy and Nil, safe at home and waiting for him. Thankfully, the early hour meant no one else was subjected to the tense ride up and by the time the elevator dinged and the doors opened, he was ready. 

This far up, there were only two suites on this floor and Avad found his father’s right away. Drawing in a deep breath, he lifted his hand to knock. 

Footsteps sounded on the other side and he saw the lights flicker behind the peephole and knew Jiran saw him. Avad didn’t try to hide, and it was several long moments before Jiran opened the door. 

“I didn’t expect you to come crawling back to me quite this fast,” he sneered. 

Already fully dressed despite the early hour, Jiran looked ready and able to lead a work conference despite it being Saturday. His eyes raked over Avad and landed on each of the wrinkles and locks of mussed hair that he had known he would criticize. When Avad said nothing, he stepped to the side, haughtily holding his hand out to gesture him inside. 

Caught in the middle of the sitting room, Avad found that all the words he had practiced on his way here had deserted him. As it was, Jiran spoke again to fill the silence.

“Since you don’t have any luggage with you, I’m assuming you’re not ready to leave with me yet.”

A flare of anger built up inside him and finally allowed Avad to speak. “I told you last night,” he said, calm despite the emotions now roiling within, “I’m not going with you, now or ever.” 

Resolutely, he turned to face his father, his chin lifted high and his gaze steady. 

Jiran’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve thrown up plenty of pitiful excuses in the past. What makes this any different?”

A vision of his partners, of the life he wanted, flashed inside his mind. “This isn’t any kind of excuse. I’m done with you. Done with being one of your heirs, done with listening to you and doing anything you say, and I’m done being your son.” Every word came out strong and bold, everything he’d wanted to say for so long. “I meant everything I said last night. I’m cutting myself off. I don’t want or need your money and I want _you_ in my life even less.”

“Pathetic,” Jiran scoffed, interrupting him. “You’ve been pampered all your life and you think you get to decide what you get to do? You are _destined_ to take your place with your brother in my company. None of your sniveling will change that.”

It had been a long time since Avad had believed any of that. “You’re wrong. I am my own person and I am the only one who gets to decide who I am and what I get to do. And what I want is to never see you again, to never have you looming over me and to be _free_ of you, once and for all.”

Bristling, Jiran opened his mouth, no doubt to rail at him as he did last night. 

Before he could utter a single word, Avad cut him off. “I’m disinheriting myself, as of right now. I’ll contact your lawyers and let them know and I’ll be blocking any and all communication with you.” For the first time in his life, he let all of his rage and pain show when he glared at the man who had raised him. “Do not come to my home ever again. And you will stay away from my partners and keep their names from even leaving your lips or I swear I will _ruin_ you.”

One look at Jiran and his shocked expression made all the rage fade as quickly as it had consumed him. Older and wiser than he had been when he spent every day scrambling for his father’s approval, Avad now saw the man before him as just that - a man, not the monster from his childhood and made all the more pathetic by his inability to love anyone besides himself. 

And all he could find in him to feel towards this man was pity. “I hope you find a way to free yourself from the anger and hate you’ve drowned yourself in. It’s the only way you’ll ever actually be happy and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” 

Jiran’s eyes widened slightly, and he looked at Avad as if he’d never known him. He didn’t speak until Avad turned to leave, and then he hissed at his back, “You will regret this, you worthless excuse for a son.”

Pausing with his hand on the doorknob, Avad didn’t bother to turn as he murmured, “No, I won’t. I’ve been wanting to do this my entire life.” 

When he closed the door softly behind him, it felt like the weight of the world had lifted from his shoulders. 

***

Now that his past was behind him, Avad had a plan. 

And the first step of that plan included making a very important stop on his way home. Parking in front of their favorite bakery, Avad hurried inside to get in line. 

Thankfully, the confrontation with his father hadn’t lasted long enough for him to hit the breakfast crowd - the most important outcome of that talk, Avad thought wryly. They were still fully stocked on all of Nil and Aloy’s favorites and he got several of each along with coffee for himself. 

Juggling the bags and drink on his way outside, he managed to get everything safely in the car before driving home. He hadn’t received any texts from either of them so his hopes were high that they were both still asleep. Biting back a smile, he couldn’t help but think of the teasing they would subject him to for this. 

He couldn’t help but listen at the door when he got home. Hearing nothing, he unlocked the door and slipped in as quietly as he could. When no one called out to him, he started unpacking the food and arranged it all on one of the trays he’d bought to spoil Aloy with when he’d made her breakfast for her last birthday. 

Piled high with croissants and cream puffs and every other butter-laden breakfast pastry he’d bought as well as several glasses of orange juice, Avad finally made his way to the bedroom. 

Pushing open the door with his hip, he found them exactly as he’d left them.

Nil was the first to stir, uncurling from around Aloy to see him standing on at the door wearing what was undoubtedly a stupidly happy grin. He smiled back at him sleepily before his gaze slid to the tray and his eyebrows rose. 

“Did you decide to bake every pastry known to man, pretty boy?” A yawn caught him at the end and Avad couldn’t help the absolutely joyous ache in his heart. 

Striding forward, he sat on the edge of the bed to set the tray down gently. As he did, Nil pushed himself up to sitting and Avad took advantage and pulled him closer to kiss him. Keeping one hand on the tray to steady it, Avad didn’t stop at one kiss. He kissed Nil again and again, drinking him in and losing himself to the taste and feel of someone who made him feel wholly complete. 

Nil’s hand came up to cradle his cheek and he kissed him back just as deeply before breaking it off with a little moan. “I’m tempted to eat you for breakfast instead of all those presents if you don’t stop.”

Laughing, Avad let him go. Beside them, Aloy had woken to their voices, stretching the length of her body before relaxing back into the pillows piled up at the head of the bed. “Do I get a good morning kiss, too?” she asked sleepily.

“Only if you come to me because otherwise the food will get all over the covers.”

Much more willing at the sight of the food, Aloy shifted quick enough to peck Avad on the mouth before diving into breakfast. Avad smiled at her before snagging a glass and watching them stuff their faces. 

Nil was the one who ended up eyeing him when he finally stopped to breathe. “So are you going to tell us why you were out so early?”

As soon as he spoke, Aloy’s bright gaze zeroed in on him as well and they both stared him down until he answered. 

“I went to see my dad,” he said quietly.

“Without us?” Pain echoed in Aloy’s voice beneath the accusation. 

Reaching out, he tucked one of her wayward braids behind her ear, letting his fingertips linger on her skin. “I needed to do this alone, Aloy. I know you understand that.”

She pouted but finally gave a grudging nod. “How did it go?”

Surprising even himself, Avad let out a laugh and once he started he couldn’t stop. By the time he caught his breath, they were both staring at him in shock and Nil’s hand was braced on his shoulder. Avad leaned against him, steadying himself as he brushed away a tear that had leaked out. 

“It went… really well, I think. As well as it could have gone.” He covered Nil’s hand with his own, squeezing it lightly to let him know that he was truly okay. “I told him I was cutting myself off and that he’s not allowed anywhere near me for a long time.”

With significantly less food on it, the tray was easier for Aloy to pick up and plop on the side table before launching herself at him. Avad caught her in his arms with another little laugh, even though she was almost crushing his ribs. From the way she buried her face in his chest, he barely heard her mumble, “Good. I’m glad that asshole won’t bother you anymore.”

Cupping the back of her head, Avad ducked down to press a kiss to her hair. “You’ve always been so good to me about everything. I didn’t want to be the person he made me anymore,” he murmured. 

He felt more than heard the little growl she let out. _“You_ were never any problem. That all falls on his shoulders.” 

Before Avad could protest, Nil leaned in close to kiss him. His lips were soft and his kiss even more so as he savored the taste of fruit and chocolate that still lingered. Pulling back, Nil said quietly, “I’m glad you don’t have to see him anymore, but if you felt pushed to do anything because of me-”

“No,” Avad swore. “If you played any part in being the catalyst for me, then I’m glad of it. Don’t feel like you need to apologize for that.” 

With one arm still wrapped around Aloy, he pulled Nil in again to kiss him fiercely, hoping all those doubts would be burned away. When the tension seeped from him and he surrendered into it, Avad knew he’d succeeded. 

“So how did breakfast in bed fit into all of this?” Aloy broke in with amusement. 

Smiling at her somewhat bashfully, Avad said, “I wanted to do something nice for you two, and for me as well. I felt like celebrating.” 

“Goddess, you are too good to us. Do you have to go into the museum today?”

Confused by the change in subject, Avad shook his head. “No, they don’t need me again until Monday.” 

A mischievous smile lit up her face. “Good, because you’re staying right here with us for the rest of the day.” So saying, she wrapped her arms around his neck and dragged him down to fall flat on the sheets. 

“Aloy, we have things to do-” She shushed his token protest, but he rolled around to find Nil watching them fondly. “You have a cam session today, Nil-”

“I’ll cancel it,” he said without a second of hesitation. “I’d rather spend my time here with you.” 

Sometime between Nil stretching across them both like a lazy cat so he couldn’t escape and Aloy smothering his face with kisses, Avad finally gave up. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend his day anyway, wrapped up in their arms with the past where it belonged. 

He’d be happy to spend the rest of his life just like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last bit of Jiran because Avad needed that closure but it’s mostly overcoming his fears and a lot of fluff with the babes. And introducing Kadaman!! Love that man, he deserved better. We hope you all enjoyed it and THANK YOU so much for reading, giving kudos, and commenting! We still have the epilogue left for this Sunday and I’ll include some news with it for what our plan is going forward with this au!!!


	16. In The Press of Every Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after Avad's fateful conversation with his father, all of his loved ones have gathered to celebrate the next stage of his life. And Nil and Aloy are there with him every step of the way, the three of them happier than they have ever been. 
> 
> Chapter title this week is from Wake Up by Coheed and Cambria. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading along and enjoying the antics of our favorite dumbasses. Check out the end notes for more info about this au and where we're taking it!

_Epilogue_

_One Year Later_

“Hurry, hurry, we’re going to be late!” 

Nil ignored her, taking the time to knot his tie correctly before turning to rest his hands on his lover’s shoulders. “Calm down, little huntress, we have plenty of time.” He pressed down firmly, until Aloy stopped bouncing on the balls of her feet and huffed a sigh at him. 

Clad in a bright sundress with her mass of shifting red hair pulled back in a long braid, Aloy looked beautiful and he couldn’t help the lazy shift of his gaze over her curves. When she noticed his attention wander, she reached out to pinch him, though he didn’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, he gifted her with a teasing smirk before pulling her close.

“Stop, Nil, we have to go,” she complained, though the resistance she put up was pitiful. 

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Nil ducked to kiss her, uncaring of the lipstick she’d applied only a few minutes before. Even though they really did have time, he shouldn’t be playing with fire but he couldn’t help it. 

Tormenting her like this was one of his favorite pastimes. 

Finally, she pulled back, pushing him away firmly until he was at arms’ length. Heat simmered in her golden-green eyes but she forced it down to glare up at him. “If we miss this, I blame you.” 

“I can make it up to you,” he purred. 

With a disgusted grunt, Aloy spun on her heel and stormed to the door. 

Not bothering to smother his laugh, Nil followed her at his leisure, snagging both helmets up off the table by the door. He didn’t bother to inform her that he loved the way she moved when she strode away from him like that.

The bright May sun greeted them when they left their apartment complex, the day already warming up enough that he knew it would be another hot one. Despite the heat, a cool breeze whipped by them from the mountains and twirled Aloy’s skirt around her. 

Standing next to his motorcycle with her hands on her hips, she didn’t even bother to tame the flowing fabric. As much as she wanted to be angry with him for delaying them, he saw the grin tugging at the corners of her gorgeous lips. 

“Ready?” 

“Always, my huntress.” 

Setting his own helmet on the seat of the bike, he slipped the smaller one over her head, latching the strap and flicking his finger against the visor when she had it settled right. She grinned at him from behind it and he laughed as he snagged his own to put on. Slinging one of his jean clad thighs over the bike, he settled into it as Aloy tucked herself on the seat behind him. 

He’d taken her for enough joyrides that she knew how to tuck down her dress and settle her boots on the pegs he’d added for his lovers. Zipping up his jacket, he made sure his tie was fully covered. Despite the heat, he’d made Aloy wear one as well, the black leather a perfect contrast to the floral print of her dress. 

When her arms tightened around his waist, he wasted no time kicking his bike into gear and gliding out of their parking lot. 

Even with the traffic that accompanied graduation day, they managed to get to the university with plenty of time to spare. Nil slid into one of the angled motorcycle parking slots, much closer to the auditorium than where the giant line of cars was being directed. 

With a last squeeze, Aloy slipped off from behind him and they both took off their helmets. Standing to swing his leg over the tank, he leaned against the seat again to shake out his hair. 

“Here, let me.” Aloy reached up to run her fingers through his locks, smoothing out the tangles as he watched her brows furrow in concentration. When she was satisfied, she took a step back. “How about me? Everything look good?”

She held her arms out and subjected herself to his perusal. With a wicked grin, he reached up to swipe away a smudge of the lipstick he’d mussed earlier. “There, perfect.”

Scowling, Aloy shoved him off the bike so she could bend down and look in the side mirror. Nil laughed but he shifted his attention to locking the helmets to his bike as she fussed. She wore makeup rarely enough that she fiddled with it when she did, worried it would smear. And since they were meeting up with the extended family, she had worried even more than usual. 

“Weren’t you the one rushing me earlier?” he drawled. If he could get her annoyed at him, she’d spend less time worrying. 

And he had spotted a familiar head of blond hair.

Straightening, Aloy sighed. “I’m done, we can go.”

Grabbing her hand, Nil dragged her towards the doors, following the crowd of people doing the same. With his height and size, he was able to maneuver them surprisingly easily to the little alcove by the doors where a group of people gathered. 

“There they are!” came a boisterous cry, Erend having seen them first. 

Nil grinned at him before letting himself be engulfed in a hug by the big man. When he moved on to Aloy, the next one down the line was already smiling at him. Tall, with golden brown skin that matched Avad’s but a head of tousled blond hair streaked through with gold and light brown, he looked at home out in the bright sun. 

“Kadaman,” Nil said gravely before smiling as Avad’s older brother rolled his eyes and tugged him into a hug as well. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s nice to see you, too, punk. How have you been treating my baby brother?” Kadaman’s voice was teasing despite the words that could have been a threat in a different context. They’d surprised Avad by hitting it off when Kadaman had visited for the holidays and they had kept in touch on their own as well. Nil was happy to call him a friend now, alongside the others gathered there with them. 

Talanah and Ikrie had both made it, newly received rings glinting on their hands as they waited to greet the newcomers. Tagging alongside her brother was Ersa, who’d wanted to support Avad despite their breakup long before Nil had met him. Stuck at work, Petra hadn’t been able to make it, but she’d promised to buy the first round when they met up for drinks later that night. They’d been informed by Kadaman that Nasadi and Itamen were already inside, their mum not wanting to keep Avad’s much younger brother out in the crowds for longer than necessary. 

Only two were missing now…

“Sorry, I know I’m late!” Breathless, Teb slid in beside him. 

Biting back a grin, Nil helped steady him. “Hey, doc, how’s it going?”

Teb flashed him a smile before looking up to find Kadaman’s gaze locked on him. Surreptitiously glancing between them, Nil said, “Teb, this is Avad’s brother, Kadaman. Kadaman, this is Teb, Aloy’s childhood friend and my therapist.” 

He got a disgruntled look from his friend about that last bit but Kadaman laughed. Holding out his hand, he shook Teb’s, holding onto it for slightly longer than courtesy dictated, until the Nora’s cheeks tinged red. “Pleasure to meet you,” Kadaman murmured, his deep voice pitched even lower than usual. 

Nil turned away to bury his face in Aloy’s shoulder so the cackles that threatened to escape were muffled. She gave him a curious look when he pulled away but he just whispered, “Later,” before watching a flustered Teb say hello to everyone else. 

Despite the newest bit of entertainment, Nil still couldn’t help the glances he kept giving the crowd teeming around them. His attention split between the ongoing conversations and his search until he felt Aloy tug at his sleeve. 

“There they are,” she said before raising her hand high. “Janeva! Over here!” 

Nil looked to find his friend making their way through the crowd. Despite their short stature, they muscled through just fine and soon enough they joined to round out their group. 

“Hello, warden,” Nil greeted them with a broad smile. 

Rolling their eyes, Janeva scoffed at him. “Stop it, I was never your warden, you idiot.” 

“Ah, but I felt so trapped under your purview,” he drawled teasingly. 

Despite their sigh, Janeva was smiling when they clasped arms. It was Aloy who couldn’t help but hug them when Nil pulled away, and they patted her on the back somewhat awkwardly while Nil choked down a laugh. When he’d first invited Janeva to hang out with them, he wasn’t sure if they’d accept. They were the head of the halfway house Nil had stayed at when he had gotten out of jail and been one of his major influences as he started to build his new life after the Kestrels and his lost time locked away. Reuniting with them had been nerve wracking but something he’d been wanting to do for a long time. 

Janeva had been proud of him when they had met again a few months ago. They hadn’t said it in so many words, but Nil had been close to tears when they called him their friend for the first time. Since then, they had been roped into their band of chaotic friends and despite their insistence that they were here just for the free booze afterward, Nil knew they liked his friends as well. 

When more introductions were made for Kadaman, their group began to push their way inside the giant auditorium. Thankfully, Nasadi had saved their seats for them. How Avad had managed to get so many tickets for all of them, Nil would never know, but somehow his stepmother could save that many seats as well. 

Aloy snagged a seat next to Itamen, immediately engaging the seven-year-old in animated conversation to draw the shy boy out of his shell. Sitting on his other side was Vanasha, Itamen’s nanny. A gorgeously striking woman, they’d met her over the holidays as well, when she’d traveled with the rest of the family. Vanasha was nice enough, though her snarky attitude ensured her and Aloy a fast friendship, but she caught entirely too much with those sharp eyes of hers. Nil had decidedly to be wisely cautious of her for now. 

The noise grew to a crescendo as the ceremony drew near and their friends settled down. Logically, Nil knew Avad wasn’t anywhere he could see, the graduates cloistered away until their big entrance, but he couldn’t help his roving gaze. 

As the emcee announced the final countdown, Aloy grabbed his hand to thread their fingers together. They’d been more nervous for this than Avad had, and he’d had to keep reassuring them that it was just walking down an aisle, not his actual dissertation. Nil knew Aloy felt the same as him, so proud they could burst and they’d seen just how much work and love he’d put into this endeavor. 

When the graduates began their march into the center of the auditorium, their group practically deafened the people around them when they caught sight of Avad. Even from their distance, Nil caught a glimpse of his smile as he raised his hand to wave at them. 

The black gowns faded into each other but it was Avad’s riot of curls that let them keep track of him as he made his way to his seat. Aloy amused herself as the speakers began to drone by pulling out her phone and snapping slightly fuzzy pictures of their partner. Keeping up a steady but quiet commentary of ridiculous observations, Nil managed to survive the boredom of the speeches in his own way. 

When they started calling names, the long stretch to the end began. It took forever to reach the latter half of the alphabet, but eventually they heard the first “s” last name get called and their anticipation ratcheted up. Avad was in line to cross the stage and when they called his name, they jumped to their feet, screaming alongside the applause. 

Avad’s smile was blinding.

***

After they dismissed the audience, everyone rushed outside, eager to see their graduates and they were no different. They’d agreed beforehand to meet Avad by one of the fountains so that’s where they waited, until they saw him striding toward them. 

Aloy was off like a shot, launching herself into his arms as Nil followed at a slightly slower pace. Swinging her around, Avad was laughing before Aloy kissed him fiercely. When he got too impatient, Nil tugged on her braid until she relented and he got to butt in for his own kiss. 

“We’re so proud of you, my love,” he murmured against his lips. 

Avad kissed him again. “Thank you, I couldn’t have done it without the two of you supporting me.” 

Snorting, Aloy pulled back. “Sure you could have. You would have had less distractions, too,” she said teasingly. 

“Alright, stop flirting and let us see him, too,” Kadaman broke in. He swept in between them to wrap Avad in a tight hug, which he returned just as hard. Nil tugged Aloy a couple steps away to give them some space as Nasadi and Itamen came over too. Slinging his arms around her neck, he tugged her against his chest and they were content to watch first his family then their friends congratulate their lover. 

When everyone separated to go to their vehicles and meet at the restaurant they had planned for, they saw Kadaman linger the same way they did. He shot them a tired smile, but he made sure everyone else was out of earshot. “He knew he wouldn’t be welcome here, so he didn’t even try to get any details out of me,” he said softly and none of them needed to ask who he meant. “But I wanted to let you know that I did catch him trying to figure out if they were taping the ceremony.” 

Avad gave him a weak smile. “Thanks, Kadi. But that doesn’t mean much to me now.”

“I know. I just thought I should tell you.” There was no judgement in Kadaman’s voice; he knew exactly how their father could be. 

Reaching out, Nil took Avad’s hand and he smiled back at them before looking to his brother once more. “I’m just glad I have all of you. You’re all I need.” 

With a last hug, Kadaman left to find Nasadi and escape the rush of cars and it was just the three of them. Once again, they pulled him into a hug and Avad clung to them tightly. Tugging off his cap, Nil combed his fingers through the curls. 

“So, what’s next?” 

Avad groaned into his shoulder, his hand bunching the fabric of Nil’s button up. “Can we talk about it later, please?”

Laughing, Aloy pressed a kiss against his cheek. “Sure, sweetheart. We’ve got all the time in the world.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading along with our disaster bi faves, I hope you enjoyed all of this <3 
> 
> However, this is not the end! We have SO MUCH MORE planned for these three!! I’m going to be writing chronologically so I’ve got some fluffy and smutty oneshots lined up that take place between where we left off in chapter fifteen and the beginning of the first sequel. There will be more oneshots, a special mini-fic, and another sequel after that as well so buckle up. I’ve already got the entirety of the first sequel outlined but I’ll be taking a little break to focus on the oneshots and rest a bit before beginning to write it. 
> 
> As a little preview for the upcoming sequel… right when absolute happiness is within his grasp, an old phantom appears to bring all of the pain from Nil’s past roaring back. Terrified for the two people he loves most, he makes a decision that will rip through Avad and Aloy’s lives as well as his own and leave them all in the dark. 
> 
> Please subscribe to this series here on Ao3 to read more of our dumbasses in outtakes of their lives and Too Blind To See!

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to check me out on tumblr @mythicaitt, and you can also find @kittleskittle and @toxcoto! They have been posting more art of the OT3 so please check them out and give our dumbasses some love.


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